Lemma's Secondary Tax Bill Induced LBM - OMG

lemma1968

Oh Wol2, thats beautiful but its now got me howling. I did hold his little face firm until the end, seeing his life ebb away when they put him to sleep was the hardest and most soul destroying thing I have ever done. I still feel tremendous guilt, he looked into my eyes with such trust. I know it was the right thing to do, the kind thing to do but it has rocked me emotionally far more than i ever thought it could.

Thank you for printing it x

hypno06

Hi lemma! You are a strong person, and you will get through this.

I hope you have a good weekend......spring is arriving

lemma1968

Thanks Hypno - I have been working away for 3 days and it has helped take my mind off things but now I am home and back to the real world it has hit me again and I wonder how I shall cope. I know I shall, I always do.

I miss him so.

Spring is here, I hope it proves a more positive few months for us all - you have a good weekend too xxx

Wol2

lemma1968 wrote: »

Oh Wol2, thats beautiful but its now got me howling. I did hold his little face firm until the end, seeing his life ebb away when they put him to sleep was the hardest and most soul destroying thing I have ever done. I still feel tremendous guilt, he looked into my eyes with such trust. I know it was the right thing to do, the kind thing to do but it has rocked me emotionally far more than i ever thought it could.

Thank you for printing it x

Sorry to start you howling Hun...but actually it's good to cry ......and yes - it really is the most soul destroying thing because there's always that "what if".

After I had Fleure guinea piggie put to sleep it was almost a month before I could even go into the room where she used to live and not burst into tears....

Please do not feel guilty.... .animals DO know when it is their time to go to Rainbow Bridge. Fleure actually dictated to me the time to go - one morning she laid her head on my arm on a way she never had before and looked up with trusting eyes and said "I've had enough now"....I really do believe she was giving me her blessing...and it sounds like Guinness did too for you....that's why knew I at the time that I was doing the right thing. No less painful - but far less guilt.....

So by all means give yourself time to cry and grieve - not only on your behalf but also for your dad's loss, and Smashed's loss...and the rest of your family's loss.

But please don't feel any more guilt........as the poem says - Guinness trusted you to do the right thing when he looked into your eyes .....and you did....at great cost to yourself. He couldn;t have asked for more loyalty, love and trust than what you showed him that day.

Please be kind to yourself - you deserve it....and you are worth it...
xxxxx

lemma1968

I set up a memorial at Rainbows Bridge but I can't read it at the moment cos it leaves me distraught. I thought it may help at the time. I have lots of lovely replies to it but they leave me sobbing too. Just as i start to get a hold on myself something happens, or I read something and it sets me off again...much to my husband and children's annoyance.

As my nan used to say "this too will pass". I know that and I hope it will. I also hope that little Guinness is running about whole again with Oscar (who was pts about 25 years ago) and Kim my nan's dog.

Thanks honey, and i am sorry for your loss last year.

dancingfairy

Sorry you're having such a horrid time of it. I wish I had some wise words of wisdom but I haven't had a pet so can't understand how hard it must be. Big Hugs though.
At least you are cracking on with the HMRC payments so they'll be as happy as they can be.
Take Care
df

lemma1968

Thank you df xx

I have made a payment of £200 today to them making the total so far £5200.

dancingfairy

wahey - the start of more money coming your way then hopefully.
Keep up the good work.
df

lemma1968

And up to £5300 today.

lemma1968

And we are nearly at another cuddly number - today we are at £5400