Should I make this legal somehow?!

MandyLou66

Hello!
3 weeks before Xmas my step sisters partner chucked my 15yr old step nephew out of the house as he threatened him with a knife. The partner is a bit if a bully, very strict and controlling with the kids, she has 2 from previous marriage and 2 by him and it transpires that he was telling the boy he was useless/stupid/thick etc and would never be anything, he just flipped. I don't condone the boys behaviour but he is in my eyes still a kid.

I didnt know the ins and outs at the time but as he was sleeping in his friends Wendy House in the garden I said he could come stay with us. He is still with us 7 weeks later and she is paying £20/£30 per week for his keep.

I am now wondering if I would be responsible if he did get into trouble? to date he has not been too bad- is on report at school but seems to abide by my house rules.

Would I be liable if he got in trouble? Should I get the social services involved? I have never had this before with my 2 (now 22 at Uni and 20 in good stable job)

I really thought it would just be temporary but it seems not.

Any advice will be gratefully recieved.

Thanx ML

Browntoa

you are sort of carrying out what they call Kinship fostering

http://www.surreycc.gov.uk/sccwebsite/sccwspages.nsf/LookupWebPagesByTITLE_RTF/Kinship+Care+-+fostering+young+family+members+or+children+of+close+friends?opendocument

CiciBaltimore

your brave,when this happened with us the lad turned out to be as bad as first thrown out for an nicked everything when he left.he didnt say thanks nor nothing

Zziggi

I know i am sounding vague but.... i understand the rules changed in the last year or two for situations such as the OPs. I believe if you have a child living with you for 28 days or more then you are now legally obliged to tell Social Services.

Maybe ring up (anonymously) and ask the question to your local SS?

Browntoa

I'm with you , sure I see this on the news the other day

Js_Other_Half

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1266153&highlight=kinship+fostering is worth a look.

oystercatcher

Zziggi wrote: »

I know i am sounding vague but.... i understand the rules changed in the last year or two for situations such as the OPs. I believe if you have a child living with you for 28 days or more then you are now legally obliged to tell Social Services.

Maybe ring up (anonymously) and ask the question to your local SS?

The SS where I work are very happy for us to do Anonymous "What if" queries so we can put a situation to them and get an opinion without actually reporting anybody.
I think you should speak to someone as I can think of a number of potential situations where things could 'backfire' and cause quite a bit of trouble.
You never know you may actually get some support and maybe even child benefit for him !

Oystercatcher

Js_Other_Half

http://www.fostering.net/ is always a good source of info around fostering issues.

MandyLou66

I am not quite sure what to do. He seems quite withdrawn so don't want to rock the boat by moving him on, 2 lots of rejection surely wouldn't be good for him but I don't want to get in any trouble, it is the step fathers decision to not have him at home. His mother (we're not that close) worries about the other kids 8 and 6 yrs old.

Savvy_Sue

I'm sure I saw an advert the other day about this very situation in our local free paper.

TBH, if you're happy to have him, and the lad seems happy enough with you, I wouldn't imagine SS would want to move him anywhere else. What they probably will want to do is just check that no-one in your household looks likely to put the child at risk. And yes, you should be able to claim the child benefit for him, although mum might stop paying you if you do that. However, she should be telling them he's not living with her any more.

Good luck.

Susan_Frost

What is he on a report for ? Anything really bad ?

You seem to be saying you would be willing to have him stay. And 7 weeks is time enough for him to start showing his true colours if he is really bad. Is he showing signs of not being what you hoped. Apart from dire acts of truancy I've not heard of any parent having to be accountable for their children's acts, except them being taken into care through lack of parental responsibilities or whatever the terminology is.

I would just keep the arrangement as it is if he is being ok. Will SS end up becoming some sort of nightmare of whys and wherefor's. They will no doubt approach his mum and bf and instead of a reasonably amicable situation you have suddenly got a "why did you report us to the Social Services" accusation. Especially if the boy was sleeping rough for a while.

Maybe inform school there is a change in accident report first contact. His mum may have to do that.

I understand about child protection, but I get fed up of decent people having to jump through hoops because parts of society are bad. It's peaceful, why rock the boat. Not knocking social workers, they have a difficult job, but the government seem to lump us all together to err on the side of caution.

If he is feeling more secure and happy at your home, then his school behaviour should also improve. He is coming up to vital exam time, and it may give him the stability to do better and turn around. Bound to do better than a difficult home.

It also sounds as though you have two older 'role models' who may be a good influence on him too. (Other than yourself and OH) He may tell them more than he tells you eventually.

It is an opportunity to get closer to mum, if she is worried about the younger ones. If there are some fundamental problems going on, she may need a bit of support to tackle the situation, only time will tell.

Give social services a ring annonymously, to get some info, and the above websites.

But then, I'd just leave well alone and get on with it.