do i go to graduation?

Silaqui

To Nenen and Proudmum (and any other parents sorry if I've left you out!) though, I understand what you are saying about wanting to share in the achievement of your children - I definitely value education and always have done, as did my family - I was the first in my family to go to uni, am now a teacher and have chosen to study a Masters degree part time.
However, the way I see it surely the education is the important thing and not the ceremony? I tried to get this across to my mum when I was trying to get out of having to go to my grad ceremony. Yes I worked bloody hard - I worked hard for the certificate that says Bsc First Class Hons, and the qualification that allows me to teach - not for the chance to go to a ceremony afterwards. Isn't it possible to be proud of your kids without seeing them in a cap and gown? Isn't it enough for them to be pleased that they got their degree?
Just a discussion point really I guess.
x

omelette451

proudmum wrote: »

Perhaps some of you will understand when you become parents yourself and will realise that whether it be your childs first steps, or their graduation, it is important to us Mums and Dads.

I do understand that, but the reverse is true too. If we really don't want to go, surely it's wrong for parents to force us? I understand the emotional aspect to it, but from the young's person's perspective it can seem selfish for parents to force us into doing something it's clear is only for their benefit. Would it really be so bad if you didn't get the stereotypical photo to show all your friends, when getting a degree is itself a big mark of success?

I'm not trying to belittle parents' attitudes here: as I said, I understand entirely where they come from. Personally, I finished last year and am still unsure whether to bother going. I know my dad wants me to so I probably will, but some of my peers really can't stand the thought of it and would end up hateful and resentful if their parents made them do it.

Silaqui

Exactly my point above, Omelette - glad someone agrees! Interesting to hear other peoples opinions.
x

Nenen

Silaqui and Omlette - I can see where you are coming from and of course it would be wrong of any parent to try and force their child to do something they really don't want to do. Personally I am a sucker for tradition, pomp and dressing up - but I am well aware that is not everyone's choice. When I chose my college at Cambridge, I deliberately chose one that has retained formal tradition and insists students wear gowns to formal dinners. However, I have lots of friends who chose other colleges for precisely the opposite reason! Each to his/her own. It is my firm belief that we cannot live our lives through our children and I would say to any parent hell bent on going to a graduation ceremony, if your child really doesn't want one then go and graduate yourself! LOL!

My sense is however that many graduands feel slightly ambivalent about the formal ceremony and the attitude of their parents can sway their decision one way or another. In my own case, as i said before, I would feel really disappointed if my youngest son chose not to have the ceremony, but that is not to say I would try and exert undue pressure on him if I thought he really didn't want to do it. I totally agree that the most important thing by far is having had the education and (hopefully) gained a decent degree. I'm sure he would know I was proud of him whether he went to the graduation ceremony or not.

My oldest son was fairly indifferent to the ceremony and I just said that I would really like him to go if he could bear it and I would pay for it as I perceived it to be as much (if not more) for me and his dad than for himself. Fortunately we are close enough that he was happy to donate a day of his life to please his mum! If like the OP it was really inconvenient or if he had been painfully shy or really against the idea (for whatever reason) then I know we would have found another way to celebrate which he would enjoy, whether it be throwing a party or having a family meal. I would then have taken photos of our occasion and displayed those just as proudly as the formal cap and gown ones!

Regarding my own greaduation, I can only speak from the painful experience of having parents who really couldn't care less about my achievements.... if I had to chose between parents who were so proud they tried to pressurize me into a formal day over parents who didn't give a flying **** then I know which I'd choose!

I feel so fortunate to have children who will talk to me about this type of thing with great honesty and we are all prepared to negotiate and compromise where our needs/desires differ.

whitfreak

sunshinejoclaire wrote: »

Not always true, i know this is not true for the University I work at. Conferments are done prior to the graduation days, the grad day is purely ceremonial.

I stand mildy corrected. Although I think the of making sure the paperwork is in order so you actually get your degree is important whether or not you do the ceremonial bit. Mine doesnt confer degrees until all moneys owed to the univeristy are paid. So that small library fine you forgot about can really screw you over..... But this is a little off topic

Aspiring

omelette451 wrote: »

I do understand that, but the reverse is true too. If we really don't want to go, surely it's wrong for parents to force us? I understand the emotional aspect to it, but from the young's person's perspective it can seem selfish for parents to force us into doing something it's clear is only for their benefit. Would it really be so bad if you didn't get the stereotypical photo to show all your friends, when getting a degree is itself a big mark of success?

I'm not trying to belittle parents' attitudes here: as I said, I understand entirely where they come from. Personally, I finished last year and am still unsure whether to bother going. I know my dad wants me to so I probably will, but some of my peers really can't stand the thought of it and would end up hateful and resentful if their parents made them do it.

From a parent's perspective

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I fully intend to be precisely what you describe - a selfish parent who will force her children into something that is clearly only for my benefit. When I graduate they will attend my graduation! First ever to get a degree (oh and I will, I'll make sure of it )and come hell or high water, they will be there to witness Mum in a silly hat and gown, shaking a stranger's hand, getting a rolled up piece of paper.
Then I shall force them to have their photo's taken with me. After that, they are free to beggar off, shaking their heads and muttering "mad old fool"

omelette451

Nenen wrote: »

When I chose my college at Cambridge, I deliberately chose one that has retained formal tradition and insists students wear gowns to formal dinners. However, I have lots of friends who chose other colleges for precisely the opposite reason!

Funny you should say that... I chose mine (Oxford) because tradition/stupid gowns were optional! How different people can be...

omelette451

Aspiring wrote: »

From a parent's perspective

---

I fully intend to be precisely what you describe - a selfish parent who will force her children into something that is clearly only for my benefit. When I graduate they will attend my graduation! First ever to get a degree (oh and I will, I'll make sure of it )and come hell or high water, they will be there to witness Mum in a silly hat and gown, shaking a stranger's hand, getting a rolled up piece of paper.
Then I shall force them to have their photo's taken with me. After that, they are free to beggar off, shaking their heads and muttering "mad old fool"

:rotfl:. If you don't mind my asking, how old are your children? I don't quite know why but I see it differently where it's the parent graduating and the kids in the audience, especially if they're young enough still to be told what to do. When it's the 'normal' scenario, I think it should be the student's choice, and at 22 or 23 they're certainly old enough to say how they want to live their lives.

Aspiring

omelette451 wrote: »

:rotfl:. If you don't mind my asking, how old are your children? I don't quite know why but I see it differently where it's the parent graduating and the kids in the audience, especially if they're young enough still to be told what to do. When it's the 'normal' scenario, I think it should be the student's choice, and at 22 or 23 they're certainly old enough to say how they want to live their lives.

By the time I get to graduate (I start next September ) they will range in age from 18 - 30 And they will all do as they are told and lump it

However, to be honest, if the younger two go to University and decide they don't want the fuss for themselves, I shall respect their wishes - after I have beaten them over the head with my graduation photo in protest

mizzy2

Bluelion wrote: »

I went to both of mine, was alot of fun. It was also a final good bye to some of my class mates whom were leaving the country for home.

Although the day can be quite expensive, not sure what the prices are like now but there is gown hire and professional photographs depending on what you order.

If you can afford it, I think you should go else you'll miss out on an experience and I believe you should take advantage of every opportunity life gives you. Whats the alternative? Stay at home twiddling your thumbs?

If you read my post the only reason for me not going is that I will be working abroad, i dont know if I will be able to get back from italy that easily just for one day! I definately wont be at home twiddling my thumbs!