Scared to death-50K in debt and hubby doesn't know

Bunnyinthelights

HI,

I've been lurking around here for days as I was recommeded this site-so far what I've seen really is helping.

My problem is:
I'm in debt (all my name) of 50K and I need to get help. I cannot let my husband know or we would get divorced. He has bailed me out before.

His wage covers the mortgage, and all utilites.
I pay for food, my own petrol, and all everything for the children.
I am self employed and herein lies the issue. 1 month I can make £750-which doesn't cover all my payments and the next, £2000+ which easily does.
I can't go back to a 'normal' day job because I couldn't pay childcare.

My worst problem is fear-I am so afraid that I am becoming ineffective in dealing with my issues.

PLease can someone offer advice as to how best approach paying of my mountain of debt without putting my marriage and family in MORE jeporady?

I'm so scared.
Bunny

fairylights_2

:grouphug: Bunny

You've definitely made the right decision posting here and asking for help. You sound like you've had your lightbulb and are ready to start sorting things out. Whilst I don't know the details, the following things occur to me:

Make sure you have all your debts on the lowest rates of interest possible - balance transfer credit cards, rejig loans. Stop paying payment protection insurance if you are doing as it most likely WON'T cover self-employment. If you have a good £2k+ month, spend only what you would spend in a bad month, and use ALL the spare to throw at your debts. Is there any way you can reduce the number of bad months and make them good? Your job sounds like a potential big earner if you can make the income more steady! Do you need a lot of petrol? are you careful with your food shopping to minimise your food spending? We are a family of four and I spend less than £200 a month on food with a lot of careful planning!

If you're comfortable posting them, please do put all your debts, along with minimum payments and aprs up here so we can see what help you might be able to find.

Good luck, and welcome to MSE!

magentadreamer

Hi! Bunny your best bet is to do a list of all your incomings and out goings this way people will be able to advise you and hopeful help.

You might also want to take a look at Payplan and CCSS who might be able to help as well.

I do understand your not wanting to tell your OH but it might be an option.

I'm not too sure how you got the debt but I'd suggest you took a pair of scissors to all your cards now before more debt is added. one thing to remember is no one here is gonna judge you, most of us have got debt problems or have become debt free.

MD x

Alleycat

Hi Bunny,

I know its easily said, but try not to worry too much. You have come to the right place and there are loads of people with great advice and suggestions.

You say that you cannot tell your husband as its happened before. Is he aware how much your income can fluctuate and if so, has he taken this into account when working out bills etc?

If you could post a full statement of affairs, with all your outgoings, debts included with apr's, amounts outstanding and monthly repayments that would be a good starting point. What happens to the child benefit and any tax credits? Are they lumped in with mortgage and utilities or do they come under your spending on food etc?

Edit: Oops, posts crossed with fairylights and magenta!

joe13

Between £750 and £2000 per month should be more than enough money each month to pay for food, petrol and childrens needs.

How long has it taken you to build up these debts since your OH last bailed you out? Do not mean to sound judgemental but a lot of families manage on less than £2000 per month and pay mortgage and all bills from that sum.

Not sure how you let the debts build up - as you yourself say when you have a good month you have more than enough to cover bills. Can you not save the extra on a good month to cover the leaner months.

As already suggested post your outgoings and I am sure you will get lots of help. They say a problem shared is a problem halved.

Bunnyinthelights

Hi everyone,
I really thank you for your support so far and advice. I will endeavor today to get all the relevant information together.
In the past, I have spent far too much on food but now I primarily shop at Aldis and nettos. That has made a difference.
My main problem is making more than my minimum payments but since reading the website-I have been throwing every spare penny at my cards to pay them down.

My payments are:
Tescos loan:£236.07 (14K)
Lloyds Loan:£459.80(25K)
Mobile:£40 p/m on contract for 9 months-need for work
Petrol:£50
Food:£200
Payment to joint account:£200
Childcare:£240 p/m
overdraft:-3790.11 (ek!)
Lloyds Visa:4288.88
Egg card:£2158.63 (cut up)
Virgin card:££3000 (cut up)

Outstanding debt:need to pay my accountant £250 and TAX MAN £470
I am not in errears with any but I have had late payments. I pay mimimum each month on all cards via DD and as I said, I have recently started putting every little bit extra on to them.
I know I have to do a very strict budget and have downloaded Martins spread sheet.
This mainly started over 3 years ago when I had my first child and I wasn't making as much money as I had hoped being self employed. I used credit to cover bills, pay for extras etc. I had a second child last year and the same thing happened again.
I will have to pull out my statements to get APR's etc.
My next step I was considering was writing to my debtors to ask for intrest to be stopped. I will look into Payment protection, I know I am paying it on most of my cards and my loans I think. (my theory was, If I died my husband wouldn't be saddled with my debt!)
Again, I really thank you for your support. The past 12 months have been a journey for me-facing demons regarding food, relationships, spending and why I do it. I am learning very quickly but painfully that I need to learn how to make myself feel happier without eating and shopping. I always have to have a fully stocked freezer (2 in fact), full fridge, new clothes for kids ( not posh, I do buy mainly Tescos) but I have stopped that. I have to learn to find security other ways. The sad irony is that I thought all these things would make me feel secure when in fact, they have made my life more insecure in so many ways it's untrue.
I look forward for the day I can say I am debt free.
I am lucky in the fact that if I try harder I can earn more monthly with my job-the fear of my debt was making me 'bunny in the head light-ish' and unable to see the way out of my situation.
Bunny

Debt_Free_Chick

You really should think about telling your husband .... you can't really deal with this without him, especially in those months when your income does not cover your bills. The next time that happens, you'll be spending on the cards again.

Also, how likely is it that he will never find out? If you find it difficult to make repayments, then the letters from the cards will increase and they may even call you at home.

Finally, I assume that most of this spending has been on joint household stuff and not luxuries just for you? If so, then he has "shared" some of the things you bought and it doesn't seem unreasonable for him to share the costs.

Essentially, your joint budget is not working - you have spent £50,000 more than you have coming in.

There's a danger that you will find it much more stressful to keep this to yourself, rather than telling him.

When we've helped you with a final plan, you could show it to him so he knows you're not dumping the problem on him, but keeping him in the picture and asking for his support.

It's not a case of him bailing you out - it's a case of having joint finances that at least cover the basic costs of living. And it's about your share not being more than you earn.

HTH

bank_of_slate

Hi bunny, look for a lady called 'Pixie1' on this forum, she is in exactly the same boat as you! I'm sure you could both benefit from each other's experiences.
Good luck and welcome to MSE!
...Linda xx

Bokken_2

this may be a bit of a jackass question here goes..
What roll does your accountant have in the running of your affairs.
Did he fail to announce the debts to you?

draconian_2

Bokken wrote:

this may be a bit of a jackass question here goes..
What roll does your accountant have in the running of your affairs.
Did he fail to announce the debts to you?

In my experience accountants cannot be blamed for anything!

I would suggest you speak to the CCCS and try and get the interest frozen in the first place on your credit cards because those in the long term are going to kill ya. Making minimum payments will not be enough and I think I am correct in saying you will never pay them off.
Try and avoid anything like a default because I had 8 of them and they are still affecting me! I hate to say it (I really do) but I had over £70k and I should have bankrupted because I would have been discharged 3 years ago instead of sitting here with £18k left!
But there are pro's and cons to all situations!

I hope you can get sorted but my first port of call would be the interest! And talk to the husband, maybe talk to him and consider some mediation to help it along?

Good luck.

D

Bunnyinthelights

Hi Bokken,
All my account does is get my taxes sorted, she doesn't have anyhting to do with my personal expenses-only business. She'd probably faint if she knew.

Debt-Free-Chick:
Well, you are correct in assuming that everything I bought was for both the household and the children (and very poor money management on my part as far as my business is concerened) so I do take you point on board. I do really think that he was be so disappointed in me-I really couldn't live with it. I wish I had a wardrobe full of expensive shoes and hand bags etc. as I would simply SELL them all! As it is, Im selling anything of value on eBay to try and sort this bl**dy mess out. I will definately look at Pixie1 thread.

Thanks all, will be back with more of the interest info later. Also-been calcultaing what I need to do in my business to achieve the kind of money I need. Will be HIGH FLYER when I achieve it!

Bunny