Why are people so harsh to lone parents on here??

davenkirst

I went to google the other evening scared at the prospect of claiming benefits for the first time.. and needed help, information, reassurance etc etc
That lead me here...

I have found this site so helpful and some really knowledgeable people on here.. But a few seem to see the words LONE / SINGLE and CLAIMING and then their purches are rattled and its all guns blazing!!?

What is the beef with Lone/Single parents?
Its not like we CHOSE to be in this situation. I was in a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP FOR YEARS NOT MONTHS and have TWO beautiful CHILDREN and it is UNFORUTNATE CIRCUMSTANCES that i am no longer with the father...

I am one half of a couple but he works up north and I am down here.. so I am a lone parent.. WHO HAS worked all her life!! So why is it when i have asked questions people come out of the dark and start having a go at trying to catch me out at something, i dont know what, but something... Most of my advise on here has been amazing from you all... But a few just seem to have a bee in their bonnet.. And those people have actually made this part of my life a little scarrier.. By firing accusations, snide remarks/comments..

Before people start to reply on this thread please note that I am NOT a benefir scrounger. am not applying for it AND working. I am simply in a temporary binde and AM thankful for all the help that is being offered.. So please no personal attacks on me.. I just would like to know why LONE/SNGLE parents get so much grief??? Coming from me who wasnt a lone parent and now am, i never had anything but respect for lone parents as being a parent is hard enough when there is a mum and dad around!! God knows how they cope alone i used to think.... and now here i am, a lone parent and so far... I'm coping! SO what is the deal with the negativity here??? Please???

DaisyFlower

Your posts probably riled people as you came on stating you did have a very good well paid job but since splitting with your ex you suddenly needed a crisis loan, benefits etc. Splitting up doesnt mean you have to stop supporting yourself or your children.

Lone parents get negative press as a lot never pay into the system but take a lot out and expect the state to supoprt their lifestyle choice. Welfare benefits should be there for those that cannot work, not those who choose not to.

Yet some single parents simply get on with things, they continue to work and support their children and just go on with their lives but, of course, thats not as newsworthy as those claiming thousands in benefits or cheating the system so you dont hear of the positives as much.

jennie09

davenkirst wrote: »

I went to google the other evening scared at the prospect of claiming benefits for the first time.. and needed help, information, reassurance etc etc

That lead me here...

I have found this site so helpful and some really knowledgeable people on here.. But a few seem to see the words LONE / SINGLE and CLAIMING and then their purches are rattled and its all guns blazing!!?

What is the beef with Lone/Single parents?
Its not like we CHOSE to be in this situation. I was in a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP FOR YEARS NOT MONTHS and have TWO beautiful CHILDREN and it is UNFORUTNATE CIRCUMSTANCES that i am no longer with the father...

I am one half of a couple but he works up north and I am down here.. so I am a lone parent.. WHO HAS worked all her life!! So why is it when i have asked questions people come out of the dark and start having a go at trying to catch me out at something, i dont know what, but something... Most of my advise on here has been amazing from you all... But a few just seem to have a bee in their bonnet.. And those people have actually made this part of my life a little scarrier.. By firing accusations, snide remarks/comments..

Before people start to reply on this thread please note that I am NOT a benefir scrounger. am not applying for it AND working. I am simply in a temporary binde and AM thankful for all the help that is being offered.. So please no personal attacks on me.. I just would like to know why LONE/SNGLE parents get so much grief??? Coming from me who wasnt a lone parent and now am, i never had anything but respect for lone parents as being a parent is hard enough when there is a mum and dad around!! God knows how they cope alone i used to think.... and now here i am, a lone parent and so far... I'm coping! SO what is the deal with the negativity here??? Please???

Hi davenkirst the negativity on here seems to come from certain people so i have found who seem to think they are far superior to some lone parents, i have found it doesnt matter what you say thay always seem to twist things around to make themselves look better.:o

seven-day-weekend

This should be on Discussion Time, not the Benefits Board, which is a place for people to ask and receive advice about claiming Benefits.

I;m sorry you've had a negative experience OP. I didn't read your original post however, , so can't comment on why that may have been.

duchy

I think often those people haven't "walked that walk" however there are also lone parents who do the rest of us a huge disservice when they post on here saying "OK what can I get" and make it clear they have no intention of even trying to support their own families and have an expectation the state (and the tax payer) need to do so.
However the majority of people do get it-that benefits are a safety net and often parents who have recently become alone sometimes need state support-often for a short period whilst they regroup and make new arrangements as often their previous employment isn't now suitable or that child care isn't instantly available and alternatives need to be found either with care or a different job due to location or hours.
Concentrate on the "many who are supportive-and ignore the few who have no idea what it is like to be in that situation.

3onitsway

As Daisyflower said - i don't think all lone parents get a hard time, its the ones who see being a lone parent as a reason for not working and claiming benefits for the rest of their lives! :mad:

But, as the press concentrates on the bad stories - '13 kids and living off the state' etc, all lone parents get tarred with the same brush.

I became a lone parent after a 13 year relationship turned very sour, when my babies were 3 (and severely disabled) and almost 1. I could have seen it as an excuse to stop working - but i've got pride and I want my children to see 'working' as the norm. There were some very hard times, and i've often wondered whats the point!, i'd probably not be much worse off in money terms by claiming whatever I can, but I think work keeps me sane!

Not all single parents are the stereotypical Vicky Pollards!

After 3 years as a single parent - i'm now in a happy relationship of 5 years, with my two happy children and a new one on the way. And i'm hoping this one will last - I was young and daft when I met my ex - and hopefully i've learnt from my mistakes and have better judgement of people now

bestpud

You actually received a lot of help, as you acknowledge.

Having posted on your original thread (or one of them), I think the negativity centred on your suggestion the benefits you receive are too low.

People then began to point out how much the benefits actually equate to, when everything is considered, and how much one would need to earn to break even. That is relevant imo and not bashing at all. It was a valid response to your comments.

In fairness, it was input from other posters (one of whom have since shown themselves to be trolling), and not your replies, which caused the biggest problems in the thread from that point on.

Basically, it is not about loan parents per se, but the attitude of some who post on here. In fact, other loan parents have stated their frustration with some posters...

Advice and information is offered freely on here but it does get frustrating when people have a 'want it all for nothing' attitude.

I hope that explanation is useful?

Oldernotwiser

I agree with 7DW that this should be on DT but as it'll get moved soon anyway, I'll make a couple of points.

"Lone parent" is a terribly catch all title compared with the days when there were widows, divorcees and unmarried mothers ,with people having different attitudes to different groups. Nowadays there's only the one term which is used for someone who's been widowed with young children as well as women who pop out a baby a year, by different fathers. Unfortunately, people in the first group catch some of the flak from people in the second group.

Even the definition of lone parents varies. You choose to define yourself as a lone parent because your boyfriend lives at a distance, whereas, if you were married and he was in the forces, say, you wouldn't use that term. We see lone parents whose boyfriends live with them for up to 7 nights a week and couples who live "separately" because they can claim more benefits that way. Read through here and see how many questions there are as to how many nights someone can stay over without affecting benefits and people living apart (nominally) so that they can "maximise" their benefit entitlement and you'll see what I mean.

If that doesn't get this moved to DT, nothing will.

seven-day-weekend

Agreed, ONW, on all your points.

I think I have mentioned before that in the part of Spain where I live, there are different words for lone parents, to distinguish between those who have been widowed or divorced, and those who have never been in a stable relationship.

Quite right too imho!

(Now THAT's sure to get it moved!!).

Oldernotwiser

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Agreed, ONW, on all your points.

I think I have mentioned before that in the part of Spain where I live, there are different words for lone parents, to distinguish between those who have been widowed or divorced, and those who have never been in a stable relationship.

Quite right too imho!

(Now THAT's sure to get it moved!!).

We have perfectly good English words for the different groups but political correctness (of which I'm often in favour) stops us from using them!

yelowee

I must say that I've seen a few negative remarks made toward lone parents on here, as a male lone parent I just ignore them!

Some see me as a scrounger as I claim benefits and study with the open university while caring for my son full time, yes I could work part time in the one stop or something else in the time that I use to study but that would be likely to render me unable to pursue a better career in the future as I didn't have the opportunity to continue studying after school is there really any difference between me studying now and back then? I'm working towards a degree in environmental science and have so far achieved a distinction in all my courses so surely I'm working towards a better future which will benefit both myself and the tax man?

I had never claimed benefits prior to to this and was 35 when I made the choice to go down this road. I served 8 years in the army and saw active service in Bosnia, Rwanda and 4 tours of duty in N. Ireland, yet people who were lucky enough to be able to study after school and went on to do random jobs that benefit no one other then themselves and often not even the tax man as they claim tax credits for their family in excess of the amount of tax they pay view themselves in some way superior to me.

My advice is just ignore them they just tend to be the people that are angry, usually with themselves for not doing more with their life! Their opinion will not change and shouldn't be of any concern to you, if you know your doing the right thing for you and your family just do it and be proud of yourself for it!