****Thank Flip it's Friday..Chat Starts Here. ****

Pooky

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I'm going to go back and continue catching up, but had to stop here Snags......I'm really concerned, sorry, I'm not usually (if ever) so prepared to come down on one side or the other, but it's because you are such a lovely friend.

From the chats we've had, I know i've said that there are similarities between your relationship now and how mine started off with OH and some of D's 'traits' (not photo related - my OH is more a Calvin Klein kind of guy :rotfl: )

My OH has this 'messed up' streak in him and when he says the horrible things to me, I put it down to what happened to him losing his mum and then brother and it 'not intentionally designed to hurt me'.

It DOES matter Snags, however much you say it doesn't. Do you want to end up like me?? Seriously??

Please, please, please...........I said it the other night and I'll say it again. I don't want your relationship to end up like mine -there are too many similarities from things we've chatted about of the comparison of the early stages of each.

I'll go away now........:o

Which begs the question of why you put up with it too

whatatwit

Luc, has your colleague thrown any more cups of tea over himself

Glad you enjoyed your trip out :rolleyes:
Are you getting your garden leave?

Lucifa73

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

It DOES matter Snags, however much you say it doesn't. Do you want to end up like me?? Seriously??

May I just say - that is a very telling comment - why are you settling?

I'll go away and mind my own business now:o

Lucifa73

whatatwit wrote: »

Luc, has your colleague thrown any more cups of tea over himself

Glad you enjoyed your trip out :rolleyes:
Are you getting your garden leave?

Sadly he hasn't - would have been nice on my (hopefully) last day:p

Meeting at 4.30 to find out what happens nexts o should find out about leave then.

I have cleared my desk, drawers and cupboard and taken my cards etc off the wall so I'm ready to go:D

Burlesque_Babe

Pooky wrote: »

Which begs the question of why you put up with it too

probably because it has became ingrained - I went from a whirlwind, amazing start to the relationship with someone strong and 'in control'. I finished with the guy I was engaged to, bought my own place, never took any notice for quite a while as the comments slowly, ever so slowly started to creep in, forgave him in my head, brushed them off etc. Then went through all the carp with Cruella 2 years ago which ended up with me having some kind of breakdown (quite publically at some points on here, I daren't even read the stuff back now!) and now I'm finally out of the other side of that, along with the increase in his behaviour, i've started to become a different person. A very different person who can say 'no' and 'don't you think that's rude' when called fat etc. It takes time and I really wouldn't want Snaggles to have to go through the same chain of events first. The lack of affection is the part I put down to him being 'messed up', but then I think, well, he was lovely to start with! (even if there was no sex even then! :rolleyes: ) I'll get there.

Although, if Snaggles does have to encounter Cruella along the way, I'm hoping she will call me for help as I'd have a few things to say to her myself

Burlesque_Babe

Lucifa73 wrote: »

Sadly he hasn't - would have been nice on my (hopefully) last day:p

I once shared an office with someone who threw a cup of tea at a cupboard in a foot stomping tantrum because she couldn't have the budget she wanted and then she very loudly stormed off . Very amusing it was! :rotfl:

Lucifa73

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

probably because it has became ingrained - I went from a whirlwind, amazing start to the relationship with someone strong and 'in control'. I finished with the guy I was engaged to, bought my own place, never took any notice for quite a while as the comments slowly, ever so slowly started to creep in, forgave him in my head, brushed them off etc. Then went through all the carp with Cruella 2 years ago which ended up with me having some kind of breakdown (quite publically at some points on here, I daren't even read the stuff back now!) and now I'm finally out of the other side of that, along with the increase in his behaviour, i've started to become a different person. A very different person who can say 'no' and 'don't you think that's rude' when called fat etc. It takes time and I really wouldn't want Snaggles to have to go through the same chain of events first. The lack of affection is the part I put down to him being 'messed up', but then I think, well, he was lovely to start with! (even if there was no sex even then! :rolleyes: ) I'll get there.

Although, if Snaggles does have to encounter Cruella along the way, I'm hoping she will call me for help as I'd have a few things to say to her myself

Sorry but have to comment again.

Basically you're saying you're a better, stronger person now and you know his behaviour/attitude is unacceptable but you are still prepared to put up with it but you would tell (in fact are advising) a friend not to??? How is that rational

Snaggles

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

It DOES matter Snags, however much you say it doesn't. Do you want to end up like me?? Seriously??

Thanks BB, and everyone else who has given advice - it IS appreciated honestly. I haven't really decided what to do yet, but I am being very cautious and I'm feeling much stronger and able to tell him how I'm feeling already. I'm also feeling a lot more confident in myself and not scared of being on my own any more.

Just to clarify, when I said it doesn't matter, what I meant was it doesn't matter whether it's intentional or not, because it still hurts just as much (not it doesn't matter if he treats me badly - cos I'm quite a tough cookie underneath all the emotional stresshead stuff, and believe me it WOULD matter).

It's hard because I love him, and actually, despite everything, I do believe he loves me, but it's not enough is it? We need to have respect and trust too otherwise it will never work.

And fwiw, you haven't 'ended up' like anything - I do believe that eventually you will find the strength to get out of that relationship and find someone that treats you well. :grouphug:

Lucifa73

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I once shared an office with someone who threw a cup of tea at a cupboard in a foot stomping tantrum because she couldn't have the budget she wanted and then she very loudly stormed off . Very amusing it was! :rotfl:

Nothing nearly so dramatic unfortunately - he just has limited control over limbs and has the occasionally !!!!!! (terribly nonPC I know but can't think of a more suitable description:o ) episode...

whatatwit

BB, from what you have been posting recently, it sounds as though you are getting there.
The worm is turning.