Child Maintenance (CSA) questions (merged)

jezbo

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

Why not look at it another way. You don't want to play favourites. You believe your new baby and wife are entitled to go abroad four times a year so to be fair your two daughters are entitled to that too. Either you can take them or if that's not possible because of other more important committments you'll have to pay someone to accompany them, probably their mum. How much would that cost averaged out over 52 weeks? How will you explain to your daughters that your son can frequently go abroad but you won't give them the same opportunity?

Oh and by the way, I forgot to mention, in the last 2 years I've taken the girls with us to Prague twice for over a week each time to see their new little brother's family too.

I really don't like these posts accusing me of trying to skimp on my girls! Sorry just having a rant.

Spendless

jezbo wrote:

Yes but, my ex will then point out that I only want my girls extra nights to save money, and why should she agree now she realises she can get more money this way ? In any case, I don't see how this will work once we move, and the move is necessary yes (my job, my wife's potential for a job).

I thought you were only moving 20 miles away .Possibly your ex might see it like that.You could point out that not only do you see more of the children but it reduces her childcare costs in hols if you have them. Does your ex know that her maintainance money is about to go up?

Spendless

jezbo wrote:

Oh and by the way, I forgot to mention, in the last 2 years I've taken the girls with us to Prague twice for over a week each time to see their new little brother's family too.

I really don't like these posts accusing me of trying to skimp on my girls! Sorry just having a rant.

No I can see you don't but at the same time you don't like or don't comment on any suggestions we make for you to reduce costs, such as your wife get a job whilst child is at nursey to pay for the nursery/visits to relatives, look for cheaper pre-schools,suspend child going till he's 3 and you get non-means tested funding, look into childcare vouchers and so on.No end of people on here will help you with ideas on how to reduce your cost of living but I'm afraid all you seem interested in is how to not pay the rise in your maintainance payments.

I don't want this post to sound offensive I'm just trying to make you see an alternative view:)

jezbo

I'm resigned to paying it. If you'd read the earlier posts you'd see that what I'd like to do is make sure the kids benefit from all of it, like paying some into their accounts directly, and it doesn't just give my ex an easy ride making ends meet. And I do welcome suggestions for cutting costs, at the moment my best idea is to stop paying into my pension which will help a bit.

Spendless

jezbo wrote:

I'm resigned to paying it. If you'd read the earlier posts you'd see that what I'd like to do is make sure the kids benefit from all of it, like paying some into their accounts directly, and it doesn't just give my ex an easy ride making ends meet. And I do welcome suggestions for cutting costs, at the moment my best idea is to stop paying into my pension which will help a bit.

I know me and another member have advised against you paying into kids accounts, cos at least in my case I'm aware where these payments have not been taken into account. I should imagine that people will advise against the reducing of pension. Good Luck:)

Savvy_Sue

jezbo wrote:

I'm resigned to paying it. If you'd read the earlier posts you'd see that what I'd like to do is make sure the kids benefit from all of it, like paying some into their accounts directly, and it doesn't just give my ex an easy ride making ends meet.

I think that's the kind of comment which gets up people's noses: single parents generally don't have an easy ride, whether it's making ends meet or in any other sense!

However, to try and be constructive, have you thought of offering to pay for ALL their clothes, shoes, school uniform and equipment, after school and extra curricular activities, school trips, brownie pack holidays and guide camps, presents for their friends when they're invited to someone else's birthday party, treats and excursions at weekends and in school holidays? Oh, and then there's the cost, while they're young and maybe even afterwards, someone needs to ferry them around to all these activities, whether it's on public transport or in a car.

That would benefit your daughters, your wife could work out what she needs to do to maintain whatever standard of living she wants, and you might even be quids in for a few years (but just wait until they are teenagers!)

I'm not meaning to have a go at you here, and that may not be an option in your circumstances, but at the very least work out how much a growing child can really cost: it's much easier to save money when they are babies because babies don't talk back!

Spendless

Agree with Savvy Sue. My friends hubby said he wanted to pay into his childrens account cos he claimed the ex had said she would spend his maintainance money on her 2 babies by his new partner. My point to friend was even if she took out all the maintainance money each week and spent it down the pub/bookies she still had to feed/dress his kids and all the other expenses that Savvy Sue has mentioned above.I can someone childless may not realise the exra expenses where kids are concerned tbh I was like this before having mine. My friend had a child of her own though so should have realised where extra costs come in. Anyway they ignored me put the money in kids account, said the CSA had ok'd this over the phone and then some months later found themselves being chased for arrearsfor equivalent amount. They ended up paying this amount again, and it amounted to £100s of pounds. Not very money saving to me.

I've gone back and re-read your 1st post and you are roughly looking at finding an extra £50 a week. Me and others have suggested it before, suspend the 2 year olds nursery until he's 3 and you have immediately found £35 of it.If your son was 2 on or after Sept 1st this year you will get the free funding I've mentioned before in Jan 07. If he was 2 before Sep 1st this year than this you will get funding earlier. So the maximum time we're looking at child not going to nursery is just over a year. You now have another £15 to find, which I'm sure if you ask people could find for you easily, or you could change to 1 Morning a week which leaves you around £32 a week to find.

I know you said your 1st wife was able to put children in nursery but as Becles pointed out you are not in those circs anymore and your wife has married you, well aware you have 2 other children to provide for. If it was me put in these circs and my husband was proposing to stop the pension unless child came out of nursery, I'm not saying I wouldn't be dissappointed at loosing some me time, but at most its for a year. Whereas a pension is for your future.

The other thing is tax credits start trailing off around the £50k mark but don't think they actually stop till you get to around £56K. If you have benefits in kind though, they add on as income, you need figures from form P11D. It is also worth asking on benefit board if your income is reduced by the maintainance payments you make (I don't know). You can have a play with figures here www.entitledto.com

jezbo

Thanks to all. I'm not an unreasonable man, and I love all my family and want the best for them, so I've tried to read to your posts objectively (even the venemous ones). As you may have guessed things have not been too good between me and my ex but we've always managed to put our differences aside and put our girls first. I think her nose was put out of joint when I got married and started a new family though, and I guess my main problem is that I can't shake the feeling that she is laughing at us over this.

jellyhead

if she's on working tax credit i imagine she had to actually request a reassessment so it's possible she's angry with you. not sure if there's anything you can do about the new assessment though. rather than 'laughing at you' this could be a response on behalf of the girls - if you're having them less often maybe she's thinking that you should pay extra so she can fund extra activities for them during the times you're not having them anymore, maybe cinema and pizza to take their minds off possibly feeling 'rejected' by you. we don't know your wife so can't comment on her attitude and whether there's spite involved. she may even be taking you for all she can get but putting the extra amount aside for the girls future. it might seem petty to some but judging by the single mums i know i can imagine her thinking that if you're reducing the time you spend with them you should pay extra to 'make up for it' - that might not mean extra cash for her, she might be planning outings to make sure they still feel loved and treated if that makes sense?

jezbo

I must stress again that the girls know they are welcome here any time and should not feel "rejected" by us or unloved here. We'd love them to come over any (or every!) day after school to spend time with their little bro (the eldest is in the school over the road from us!) - my wife embraces this too - we have let them and their mum know this time after time but she doesn't seem to let them come. What her motives are I really don't know.