Child Maintenance (CSA) questions (merged)

Becles

jezbo wrote:

and to give my new baby all the opportunities that my girls have had,

Just an alternative point of view. While it would be nice for the baby to have the same opportunities etc. that the girls have had, circumstances have changed now so that may not be possible.

When the girls were born, you were one family living in one house on your salary. I'm assuming your ex didn't work and stayed at home to look after the girls.

However, now you have 3 children living in two different houses and you still have to support all of them on one wage.

Just another way of looking at it.

As regards the ex getting a full time job, believe me when I say it might not be practical for a number of reasons.

I was a SAHM until my husband left me. Due to having children in my early 20's, I never got to study past A-Levels or get established in a career. There is no way I could have gone out and got a job earning much more than minimum wage, based on the qualifications and experience I had.

My two are school age and I'm self employed now. I work up to a max of 35 hours a week. On the weeks when I'm full time, I'm shattered by the end of the day, but still have to come home and prepare meals, listen to reading, supervise homework, some nights they have to be ferried to activities, put them to bed, tidy up. It's a really struggle on a busy week, and I don't know how I'd find time to do housework, laundry, etc if I had to work full time every single week.

I've also got a health problem which means I'd struggle with an employed position. With the self employment I can take days off easily when I'm not feeling so good. My ex is not aware of my health as to be frank, it's none of his business any more!

Not taking sides here, just giving you some alternative lines of thought!

Spendless

aroma44 wrote:

Not sure if you are aware but if the parent with the child/children is claimimng Income Support then he/she is only allowed to keep £ 10 per week. So my ex has to pay £76 per week to CSA I get £56.20 Income Support plus £10 from CSA then they keep the rest. In January he has a substatial pay rise and the CSA payment will go up to £110 per week but I still will only get £56.20 income support and £10 from the CSA (thats £10 for family not per child) he wants to pay me direct for the kids but as I am on Income Support the rules say that it has to go through CSA unless it will cause me or kids harm if they approach him!

I don't want to claim benefit and am trying to find work but without family in the area to help with childcare I will need a pretty spectacular job to pay for before and after school care and school holidays. Having been a daytime stay at home mum (I've worked weekends and evenings/nights as my husband cared for the kids then) I feel that as the separation is so recent and me and the kids have just moved they are adapting to enough major changes at the moment.

How old are your children? It's likely that you'll get childcare help via tax credits (upto 70% paid). See CAB or simialr organisation and they'll do a better off calculation for you. You can also have a play about with figures here www.entitledto.com

OP_I agree with Jellyhead-your wife could work whilst little one is in nursery and this could fund her visiting family or pay the nursery fees (it's actually what I do, work to pay for childs activities) or you could look into cheaper alternatives. Mums and Tots where you stay with your child is around £1.50-£2 where I live. playgroups or pre-school where you can leave your child for couple of hours is around £4-£5. As I mentioned before you can get upto 12.5 hours funded term after child is 3. If nursery session is longer than 2.5 hours you'll have to pay difference but at pre-schools/playgroups where the sessions are usually only upto 2.5 hours per session you could have 5 sessions for free.

nearlyrich

aroma44 wrote:

Not sure if you are aware but if the parent with the child/children is claimimng Income Support then he/she is only allowed to keep £ 10 per week. So my ex has to pay £76 per week to CSA I get £56.20 Income Support plus £10 from CSA then they keep the rest. In January he has a substatial pay rise and the CSA payment will go up to £110 per week but I still will only get £56.20 income support and £10 from the CSA (thats £10 for family not per child) he wants to pay me direct for the kids but as I am on Income Support the rules say that it has to go through CSA unless it will cause me or kids harm if they approach him!
QUOTE]


I am aware that you can only keep £10 per week, but surely if between the 2 parents there is sufficient money to keep all in a reasonable lifestyle then there should be no cost to the taxpayer? Not sure why an ex should have to pay more than you get in benefits that bit seems unfair especially when so many get away with paying nothing.

I wish you well in your search for a job, I know it's not easy, I started working fulltime when my two were 3 and 18 months old. Fortunately I took a temp job that has eventually lead to my dream job.

jezbo

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

Why not look at it another way. You don't want to play favourites. You believe your new baby and wife are entitled to go abroad four times a year so to be fair your two daughters are entitled to that too. Either you can take them or if that's not possible because of other more important committments you'll have to pay someone to accompany them, probably their mum. How much would that cost averaged out over 52 weeks? How will you explain to your daughters that your son can frequently go abroad but you won't give them the same opportunity?

It's not a holiday ! It's to see his family, and for them to see him !

jezbo

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

I'm really saddened by this. You are unhappy about giving your daughters money and you won't give them much of your time either. What did they do to deserve being treated like this?

WON'T give them much of my time? Please don't draw such conclusions. I love my girls and would even like them to live with us full time, their mum just wouldn't allow it.

dwsjarcmcd

jezbo

As a father who has gone something like this myself, I just want to offer you some support. You sound to me like a decent guy trying to do the best for all your kids from both families and not some kind of 'absent father' that some people seem to elude to, or someone who is trying to avoild their responsibilities.
From reading the posts, most seem to support the view that you should pay up. I don't, I feel that people need to balance the needs of both families and I believe that you seem to be trying to do that but the system seems against you.
The only thing I can suggest is that you try to reason with your ex-partner and come to a financial agreement weith her without the CSA. Good luck!

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Jezbo, I apologise - when I referred to how much of your time you gave them it was because you had written they were spending less time with you "Just to clarify : I still have them around 70-80 nights a year, it's just not possible or practical to have them for much more than every 2nd weekend". and I took it that you had decided to reduce the amount of time they spent with you. I'm sorry if you interpreted my post as your son having a holiday - I didn't mention that it was.

bluezone

I would like to say that so long as the 2 parents are at least civil to one anothwer and dont slag each other off in front of the children then the chidren will be fine regardless of who left who, who hates who, who pays what etc. I mean lets just take a look at this thread - the op was asking about csa and then it seemed to turn into world war III about his responsibilities or being a father and watever. He has said that he wants to pay for his children and doesn't want them to lose out but was just asking about the CSA system! - and that was 8 pages ago!!! :eek:
I hope you can find an arrangement with your ex. And lets face it, once the children get to a certain age no offence but they are not going to want to go round 'dads' every other weekend as they would be going out with friends etc.
So long as you have regular contact whether it be in person or by phone and they know that you will always be there for them then it doesn't matter over money or who stays at what house when. If you try to push children to stay a certain amount of times round the other parents house thay will begin to resent you. (my hubby's ex has learnt this the hard way!)

Apologies if I have offended anyone.

jellyhead

i too think you're probably a decent bloke - but why have you had to cut down the nights you have your children to stay? i don't understand why?

hobo28

As a father who has gone something like this myself, I just want to offer you some support. You sound to me like a decent guy trying to do the best for all your kids from both families and not some kind of 'absent father' that some people seem to elude to, or someone who is trying to avoild their responsibilities.

Me too. I'm a step parent now but luckily my kids live with me most of the time rather than with their mum.

The thing is when you live in these sorts of situations, what people now call blended families, is that often there is no right/wrong answer. Only differing levels of pain.

At the end of the day, you have to do what you think is right.

Given you already pay a lot in maintenance, I can't see how paying more will benefit your children only? What about speaking to your ex and suggesting that you split the difference privately?

The CSA are USELESS at making people pay. My new partner's ex still has not paid a penny three years on despite the involvment of the CSA.