Is he "into me" or not??

*~*Pinky*~*

You need to decide whether or not you want your marraige to work first before exploring any sort of relationship with anybody else.

ema_o

It sounds like you are looking at this friend as a possible way out of your marriage. It really won't be the easy way, even if he is into you (and from what you say it sounds as if you are reading into everything that happens in the hope that he is) there will be far more repercussions if you leave to get with someone else than if you leave and find love at a later date.
I don't know your relationship with your husband, but I know from my mistakes that if I'm unhappy with one man it is easy to see the good things about a friend but not notice the things that will not actually work. And sorry to be blunt but if your husband has noticed something between you and this guy he is probably feeling very hurt by it.

brokeworkaholic

I don't think I made myself clear - I'm not looking for a relationship with the other guy, like I've said, I'm working at my marriage.

What I'm asking by going on the mixed messages from him is:

Am I seeing stuff that isn't there or am I worrying unnecessarily that I should back off a bit?

alwaysonthego_2

brokeworkaholic wrote: »

I don't think I made myself clear - I'm not looking for a relationship with the other guy, like I've said, I'm working at my marriage.

What I'm asking by going on the mixed messages from him is:

Am I seeing stuff that isn't there or am I worrying unnecessarily that I should back off a bit?

and should this bother you? You need to back away from this guy and ignore him and concentrate on your husband, easy!

You seem to have a crush on this bloke and that is very clear from your post.

anyonefortea

I guess you don't want to be leading your friend on, but at the same time, you are not sure if that is what he thinks, so you dont want to embarrass yourself/him or upset any friendship you do have by confronting an issue that isnt there....

If it were me? i would carry on as normal, but emphasise to him,others, mutual friends, how hard you are working at your marriage, and thats your husband is the one for you, it just needs work.

I dont think this friend does have feelings for you other than a friends that is comfortable around you. His concern when he doesnt hear from you after 48hrs, i think is just his way of showing that he does care, that he knows you are going thru some troubles, and hes there for you.
The touching thing, some people are just like that, i wouldnt take it as anymore that a friendly gesture that shows just how comfortable he finds your relationship.

I could be wrong, and who knows, but dont go addressing any situation, focus on your marriage, and show your friend that you do need him, and appreciate his concerns/care and his support is good. - to help you with your marriage.

Jenny2008

brokeworkaholic wrote: »

I don't think I made myself clear - I'm not looking for a relationship with the other guy, like I've said, I'm working at my marriage.

What I'm asking by going on the mixed messages from him is:

Am I seeing stuff that isn't there or am I worrying unnecessarily that I should back off a bit?

It's great you're working at your marriage and not pursuing a relationship with this friend ... but in answer to your question "am I seeing stuff that isn't there?" You kissed, so the answer is no, you're not seeing stuff that isn't there! I've never kissed a male friend with whom the relationship wasn't purely platonic.

If you've kissed, that's not friendship - it's more. Whether it's the friend who has a crush on you or the other way round, you're right to wonder if you should back off - yes, you should, if you're serious about working on your marriage. It's not fair on your husband for you to remain friends with a man where one of you or both of you secretly wants more.

Good luck, I hope you can work your marriage out.

pinkshoes

The fact that you're married and you kissed this guy once means you should keep your distance from this guy.

I had a close male friend once, but the day he tried to kiss me was the day the friendship ended. No decent friend would do such a thing to someone who was in a relationship.

Jenny2008

pinkshoes wrote: »

The fact that you're married and you kissed this guy once means you should keep your distance from this guy.

I had a close male friend once, but the day he tried to kiss me was the day the friendship ended. No decent friend would do such a thing to someone who was in a relationship.

I agree. Think of it this way - have you ever kissed any of your female friends? Or have any of your female friends told you they can't fight their feelings for you? In such a scenario you would know without doubt their feelings weren't platonic - there's nothing different here just because your friend happens to be male.

daphne_descends

If you don't want a relationship with him then it doesn't matter. Work on your marriage or let your husband go and find happiness with someone else.

ema_o

Sorry I misunderstood what you meant!
I think I agree with the others, there is something there if you kissed, either be a bit cooler with this friend or think about avoiding him at least for a bit while you sort out things with your husband