access to my partners son

gemz20

Hi dont know if i have posted this in the right place or whether any one would have any advice but thought it couldnt hurt to ask

My partner has a son from a previous relationship and has always seen him and paid regular payments for him and we have never had a problem including him in our family but unfortunalty his mother has decided to stop access and moved away from her previous address so we no longer know where the child is, we have heard she has got married so whether she now thinks she has a new family and he doesnt need his dad is the only thing we can think

We have contacted a solicitor to start proceeding to get to see the boy but the only known address we have is his grandmother where we no the mother still visits
The solicitor is saying we need the mothers address for him to proceed to send letters but how do we go about this, we havnt got the money to hire a private dectective or tracing service as my partner was made redunant in october (bricklayer) and doesnt start training till monday which he will only be earning £200 a week and we have a child of our own and my own son
The other reason i am a bit wary of trying to trace her ourselves is obvioublsy i dont want to be seen to be harassing her
So any advice on what to do next would be great

frugallass

you say that he has paid regular maintenance - is this a private agreement or through the CSA?

Your partner wants to see his son, I don't see how tracing his ex's whereabouts can be deemed as harassment.

gemz20

it was through a private agreement but for the last year she decided she wanted to do it through csa so it was changed which wasnt a problem so he is still paying her a monthly payment
Which now makes me wonder how long she had been planning all this for is that why she set it up through csa so she could still get money from him and would see csa be able to step in and request visitation or do they only deal with money side

Zara33

gemz20 wrote: »

it was through a private agreement but for the last year she decided she wanted to do it through csa so it was changed which wasnt a problem so he is still paying her a monthly payment
Which now makes me wonder how long she had been planning all this for is that why she set it up through csa so she could still get money from him and would see csa be able to step in and request visitation or do they only deal with money side

The CSA only deal with the money side.

peachyprice

But may have an address for her?

gemz20

they take the money from my partners account and pay it in to her account so they have contact details for her and she would have had to notify them when she moved

ems2

Have you tried googling her, it often brings up social networking sites, facebook etc, which she may be using. Then look at her friends see if you have contact details for any of them and start that way?

Or maybe check thomsonlocal.com or the yellow/white pages for her name.

Good luck.

3onitsway

CSA won't be able to tell you her address, but they may be able to forward a letter from your solicitor to her. Worth a try.

Krystaltips

The CSA would probably be able to forward something on, but they're not the quickest out of the blocks... I can't see why your solicitor couldn't send a preliminary letter to her Mothers house if you know for sure she would pass it on...

pinkshoes

I would take this up with CSA, as it's very unfair for him to be making these payments, and have no access to his child. If he stopped the payments, perhaps she would re-appear with contact details?

What she has done is disgusting. One of my friends (now in her late 20s) was moved away from her dad when she was little, and she really resents her mother for it, and hardly speaks to her now. She does have a good relationship with her dad though, who she got in touch with after she turned 18.

He should write to his child, sending the letters via the CSA, as at least this way it shows he tried to keep in touch, and perhaps the letters might reach the child?!

Why doesn't he go for custody?

Krystaltips

The trouble with stopping CSA payments though is that they will still chase and he will acrue arrears... They don't care about access or rights of the child...

As a parent of a child who's other parent decided his obligation to her ended at conception, cases like this irritate the hell out of me... My own sister has done it to the father of her son and she knows exactly how I feel about it.... I think the grandmothers is the way to go really, I would be sending letters to the child there so they can see they're not being forgotten...