The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread! Part 2

*Mari*

Just popping in before bed,

Dan Hi and welcome its so good to hear other peoples experiences thank you for sharing

Welcome also to Imelda it's a great place here lots of support, encouragement and love.

On the runs in families theme, my father is a chronic alcoholic and growing up was scary to say the least at times and I can remember vowing never to do that to my kids :rolleyes: but it seems history does repeat it's self for whatever reason, Im just hoping that for me it will stop here because I really don't want to end up like he is now or have my kids feeling about me the way I do about him (sorry although I love him and always will or relationship is very difficult as lots of things said and done that can not be erased mostly due to alcohol) Just don't undrestand why watching someone you love destroy themselves didn't stop me from doing the same thing??

Sorry that was a bit of a rant!!!

Anyway hope everyone else is good tonight I've managed to stay AF so can you put me down for 11 please Lurky

Nite all,

Mari xxx

budget_babe

INDECISION OVER

Winebox sorry for the earlier ramblings but I have decided on my total for February. It is .......... 28 afd. Just been reading the Alan Carr book reviews so decided to order that, after all it is only the price of one bottle of wine. After reading through our posts so far I have decided that I should try to abstain for longer. I have at the moment an inner calm and a feeling of serenity, being in control is a great feeling is it not?

One of the reasons to stop drinking is for my health. as I have previously said I mainly drank at weekends but too much when I did start. Some of the posts on here are heartrenching and total respect to everyone who has gone through these horrors and believe me what horrors they are.

To be able to stop after such experiences well I could not even try and put that into words, any sentence would be inadequate to say the least.

On the health front coming upto 5 years ago now I was diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure which was: 220 over 150, believe me that reading is mega mega high. I was prescribed medication straight away and told it had to be something wrong in my body ie: kidneys etc. After numerous tests it turned out to be stress, I am the kind of person that worrys ALOT and at that time I was doing 3 peoples jobs etc. I now have it under control and take 3 tablets a day, I went to the doctors a couple of weeks ago to have it checked and it was 110 over 70. When I did drink at weekends and woke up in the morning I kept asking myself: why was I so stupid?

Do any of us know the answer to that one? I resolved that, that would be it and I wouldn't do it again, but guess what I did? that is until I came across this thread. I don't know why but since being on here I have been able to stop drinking, though I don't know you all personally I do think about the people on here, the achievements you have all made, having to check in so to speak and confess your total has made me stay on the straight and narrow.

We all owe our dear Lurky a debt of gratitude for coming up with the idea in the first place, if we are talking Karma then believe me Lurky you have earned such alot and what good you have done. You are a little star my friend and a total gem. Hugs to you. xxxxx

Another great thing is that I no longer need to unplug the phone and can answer a call at any time of night, (feeling kinda pleased with that one).

So sorry if I have rambled on could probably write more but don't want to put you all to sleep. I'm sure there will be a poem in there somewhere :-)

Btw My dear Polaroid it was reading your post that made me join in the first place so I owe you a debt of gratitude too. As you know this is the only forum I have joined, HEY BUT I PICKED THE BEST ONE. :-)

Love and Respect to you all,
God Bless
BB xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

eselt

Hi all- welcome dancook, sounds like you've had a tough time with alcohol, DT's are very very scary, and when you have the anxiety of liver damage too, and not knowing if you'll ever get better again its a seriously bad place to be. My DT's tended to present as spidery type things scurrying around at the edge of my vision, it was like I caught a breif glimpse of them and when I tried to concentrate they disappeared, scariest ones were when I was on the anti-depresant seroxat and still carried on drinking/stopping drinking suddenly- I used to get auditory hallucinations when someone whose voice I didn't recognise shouted in my ear-it seemed so realistic but noone was there, spent most of this time petrified I was going mad, but it was caused by withdrawing from the drink- DT's can be dangerous, you can have withdrawal fits/convulsions and these can be fatal (as well as being very distressing to anyone who witnesses them). Well done you for tackling this- so many people fall by the wayside, its a tragedy really.

Fay- don't work too hard, and find time to relax- you always sound so busy you make me feel tired sometimes!!!!!!

Catch everyone tommorrow- best of luck.

budget_babe

Oh and apologies DanCook meant to say Hi and welcome but kinda got carried away. Hugs to you and take care. xxx

dancook

Thanks for the welcome, and eselt, here is something i wrote during my episode.

When you're lying in bed and you hear a thud, do you assume it's a car door being shut outside, do you wonder if someone's broken into your house.. or like me is your first thought, that your reflection has crawled out of the bathroom mirror and fell out onto the floor.

I lie there, afraid to move... I wonder any second will I hear the handle on the door turn and door slowly creak open. Or will it be over in seconds, as I stare at the wall, frozen in fear, I see a face rise up from under the bed... but it's not really there.

Yes the dark can play tricks on your mind, but my mind races into a league of it's own.. conjuring up the most darkest of thoughts, fueled by the horror films of my past.

I try to think of something nice, kids tv shows.. gotta do the trick.. but staring into the dark, with every blink I see horrific images.. as I type now and blink I can see a young child, girl.. pale complexion and eyes as black as night.

Driving home at night, I catch a glimpse of something in my mirror, something in the back seat - I look but there's nothing there.. constantly toying with me.. what is it? As I drive, I see a figure hung up on a post.. .or is it just a coat.. I get closer, no it's just a sign. The parked cars, dark and quiet.. just waiting for their moment to spring into life. Another figure.. no, just a bush.

At home I sit on my computer, anxious.. alert, every unexpected noise makes me jump in terror.. any moment now someone will come down the stairs, any moment.... and in any moment I might die. But it's not real, it's all in my mind - but telling myself this is not enough.

The monkey, the first time I saw the monkey was from the top of the stairs, investigating a noise. It charged up the stairs and latched onto my stomach, I told myself the pain is not real.. it's signals to my brain, no need to panic.. but I can't take it, I run out, naked, into the street.. curl up and cry for help. But i'm ok, I'm lying in my bed, awake.. staring at the wall.

glasgowgirl

Just catching up on today - really thought-provoking and interesting posts. I'm so grateful for this forum.

Was out for dinner tonight and by good chance it was an Indian place without an alcohol licence - had a mango lassi (sp?) drink, it was fantastic, actually focused on the food and conversation and not just chucking wine down my throat. To all the people who've highlighted the energy and joie de vivre (again sp?!) that comes back to you when you're AF - YES! It's like having a bit of your childlike self back again.

Jo - brilliant to read your recent posts. Your ability to give so much encouragement and support to everyone is amazing.

PS The gig is Glasvegas (well I am glasgowgirl after all!)

Night all x

eselt

Hi Dan- sounds very scary to me- are you OK now? Have these thoughts and feelings stopped? I suppose what worries me is that you are definately sure these thoughts and feelings were solely down to alcohol and DT's- have they stopped now you are back in control of your drinking? Take care, whatever the cause, it must have been a very frightening time for you- my only advice is get some help sooner rather than later if it seems to start happening again, and remember you don't have to cope with this alone, theres help out there- start with your GP, you don't have to struggle with this in isolation. Look after yourself (hugs).

maman

Hello Everyone

AF for me today so that's 12/13. Almost there! I can't pretend it's easy but am hoping that starting a fresh month will renew my enthusiasm. A whole month has seemed like a long haul.

Pippilongstocking

HI dan BB and all about
Aww Elset - I dont work half hard enough, thats my issue, but you know how it goes - trying to give myself some breathing space. Don't easily deal with the guilt of not working though, which leads me to drink I guess a vicous circle - did well, then got overloaded and unfortunately for me tonight despite the good resolve I have drunk the remaining wine in the house tonight. How much trouble can a girl get into in about half an hour? - um lots - well I the rest of the wine in the house anyway whoops.

Not AF tonight afterall - maybe i need to leave work at work. If I did maybe I wouldn't beat myself up so much about it at home and then sometimes need to drink to shut my head off - need to have a bath or read a book instead far better for me.

dunno - i get so panicked I am finding work really hard and confrontational - my immediate boss (IMHO) is a bully dunno why really - it drains me constantly fighting my corner - no excuse i know - wishing you all (and myself) kind thoughts for tomorrow although i dont deserve themm. sorry i let you all/myself down.

wavng to new folks, nice to hear you - not too heavy although things sound scary Dan and well done on your decision for Feb BB!!

sorry for my ramblings - hello to all.

Patchoulli

Hi all - Budgetbabe I send you a virtual hug - our stories are very similar I feel. I have found it very difficult to control the amount I've drunk this month, and actually think that for me having a totally free February may be less difficult (I was going to type easier, but nothing is easy about beating the hold this substance has on us, is it?). I too have suffered high blood pressure due to stress - and have to say that I think the alcohol had the opposite effect on me that I thought it had. In other words, a few drinks calmed me in the evenings for an hour or two - but the following day I would be strung out and anxious - now I think this is alcohol withdrawal. So I am with you all the way on trying to keep af in Feb!

WB: Can you put me down for 28/28 please.

I had DT type hallucinations when I withdrew from Citalopram - the nightmares were more than nightmares - I saw all sorts of creatures in the bedroom and have a phobia about snakes, I would often see a huge snake curled around the bedframe - and would lie there crying and shaking with fear until husband woke up and gently explained that there was nothing there - even then, I could still see "it". And I had those black spidery things on the edge of my vision. Citalopram for me was evil, it was prescribed in a rush and I saw it as the answer to my prayers. If I knew then what I know now, I would never have cashed in the 'script. Anyway that's another subject for another forum.

Hugs to us all.

Remember - the longest, hardest trek starts with the tiniest of steps.

We must be proud of our achievements this month - even it we've done little physically, mentally we are getting our heads around our issues, and preparing to tackle them. Most importantly, we are attempting to take control. And that can only be a good thing.

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