mil making me feel really guilty

Woby_Tide

if you don't want to go, just don't go. Without sounding harsh the number of excuses you make in the first post suggest it's nothing really to do with teh current situation and just general reluctance to go, no point in hiding from it, and just tell the OH why, he can make the call.

Amanda65

elastigirl wrote: »

Well think dh has the huf with me now, i just told him i am def not going and def not driving down so he said he would fetch me after work and go back again. Not very fair on him so he is making me feel bad now as he does alot of driving for work. it would also mean we get there v late and i would have to hang around until 11pm when he gets back form work again to all go home together which is stupid! i said well i just won't come at all then. He said i have got to ring mil and tell her why i am not going and to be prepared for her to be very angry with me.
Families hey! :mad:

So phone her and say very sweetly that you are unwell, hope they all have a lovely evening and that you will see them soon.

I think it is really mean of your OH to make you either drive alone or expect you (and more importantly a 3 year old) to wait up until gone 11 for him to pick you up. I think perhaps someone else in your family should grow some balls as well ...............

And if MIL is 'very angry' - hey ho, you won't care when you've got your feet up and a box of choccies tomorrow night :rotfl:

Stephb1986_2

I dont mean it funny but its not your mum! Why should you have to make excuses up of why you dont want to go. You dont want to end of story. And if she is angry at you just say ok bye and put the phone down, you dont owe her nothing!

Grrr i hate parents for this!

Steph xx

shaven-monkey

Well, why not call and say : "I'm terribly sorry, I can't make it as i already made plans weeks back.

Perhaps some time in the future you could all come and visit us, when it's convenient for everyone. I'll arrange it all with everyone well in advance, so don't worry yourself about it.
I hope you all have a lovely time and i'll be thinking of you."

Your plans were to have a nice relaxing evening in front of the TV, you can organise for everyone to come visit in a few years and you will be thinking of them as you enjoy the peace and quiet.
All true, all accurate and all polite.

Any argument the MIL can come up with should be forestalled by the "made plans" line and if she won't take a polite no for an answer then tell her the truth.

supersavingsharon

Why Were In - Laws Invented? Mil's And Sil's Being The Worst Invention (imho!!!!!) Mine Have Really Annoyed Me Big Time This Xmas!, I Do Appreciate How You Feel, Just Don't Go. ( I Really Wish Mine Lived 40 Miles Away, You Are Lucky! Hope This Makes You Feel Better!:a

onetomany

just b yourself hun xxxxxxxx good luck

elastigirl

I do love my mil we get on great and see each other all the time, every fornight infact. We spent xmas with them for 2 days so it's not like we haven't seen them recently but it's because we haven't seen bil and sil for about a month they live even further thats why she wants the get together. neither myself or my dh gets on with sil or bil really not that anyone would know as we all hide it well for mil's sake. Looks like dh is insisting on picking me up after work. It's up to him at the end of the day if wants to do that, He doesn't want to upset his mum which i can uderstand. we can always fall asleep on the sofa while waiting to go home.

McKneff

Be sneaky
invite everyone to your house for the evening,Tell
MIL they entertianed you over Christmas now it;s your turn.
show them what it feels like. i wonder how many of them will pull a sickie.

Marg

Methinks this isn't for cousins to see & play with each other but for MIL to feel happy & be surrounded by her loving family.
If dh happy to do the driving then let him...... & grit your teeth with SIL & enjoy the view from the moral high ground of helping make MIL happy. - That way dh owes you.
Certainly don't drive yourself if you don't feel up to it - it's not worth the stress....pg or not. Can dh not cancel his meeting so you not left with relations?

bestpud

You've dug yourself a bit of a hole here because you weren't honest from the outset.

Your DH has managed to get around your 'reasons' and now you're left without any valid reason to say 'no'.

I can see it is difficult, and more so if you actually get on with your mil, but if you really don't want to do something like this in the future, then please just say that and save yourself all this hassle.

No excuses, just a 'no, I have other plans, but thank you for inviting me'. It's like saying 'no' to salesmen - if you really mean 'no', then you never offer a reason as that gives them an inlet.

I agree it is more about your mil wanting her family there. Your bil and sil probably feel as you do!

Good luck with it, and with the possible pg.