mil making me feel really guilty

elastigirl

grr just had a phone call from my mil saying she wants a little family get together tomorrow evening as her other children are up for new year and we are made to drop everything every time they come down to visit. She lives 40 miles away from us in the city where my dh works so he can go straight after work no problem but she wants me (unconfirmed as hormone levels very low 4 weeks pg doc will confirm soon:j ) and 3 year old to drive down there for the gathering. I don't want to go as not feeling great due to possible pg and i can't stand one of my sil one bit. i am not a confident driver at all and hate the motorway. I could get down there in the afternoon but would be driving home in the dark and on my own. I can't even follow dh home as he got to go to a meeting after the dinner.

My sil is a right mare and always upsets me last time i saw her she said to me that by next xmas she will have 3 kids as she also pg and i won't have a baby ( found it hard to conceive)
What are you getting us for xmas as it would look bad if we got you something big and you got us something small
Wanted us to spend £40 on their kids while she bought a lunch box for mine.

My mil is making me feel very guilty saying the cousins need to see each other and play together and gave me a sob story about sil.

I bet you all think i am a big wuss but i really don't want to go and looks like i can't get out of it.

Amanda65

I would let your OH go and see his sister and mother, and get him to tell them that you are feeling unwell (no specifics) and that as he can't go back and forwards unfortunately you DD will not be there either but that you will meet up in the New Year - end of.

Then tomorrow evening put DD to bed early, make yourself a nice tea and sit in front of the TV with the remote all to yourself - far more relaxing and what you need at the moment. Enjoy

BizzyBek

I don't think you could be blamed for pulling a sickie

mrcow

You're an adult. Tell her you can't make it. Better still, get your husband to do it.....it's his mum.

The cousins don't need to see each other. They are not going to suffer some sort of trauma if you don't go.

Grow some balls and stick up for yourself.

Sagaris

Ooo - wait a minute - can't you / your little one have an 'illness'? There's a lot of bugs and flu about this time of year - it would be a shame to go and spread your germs! If all the cousins 'need' to see each other you can always do it another time?
And regarding you sil - all families have them in varying degrees so I sympathise!
Just please yourself as to what you do - there's nothing worse than going to one of these events under duress.
Good luck and I wish you a peaceful evening at home!

Zazen999

mrcow wrote: »

You're an adult. Tell her you can't make it. Better still, get your husband to do it.....it's his mum.

The cousins don't need to see each other. They are not going to suffer some sort of trauma if you don't go.

Grow some balls and stick up for yourself.

Lol. I was going to say this with 'honey' in front.

Honey, you're an adult...don't go. Make an adult decision and stick to it.

mrcow

Zazen999 wrote: »

Lol. I was going to say this with 'honey' in front.

Honey, you're an adult...don't go. Make an adult decision and stick to it.

Yes you're right. I should have said it a bit sweeter #

Sorry.:o

Zazen999

mrcow wrote: »

Yes you're right. I should have said it a bit sweeter #

Sorry.:o

I'm trying really hard with my soft and fluffy side.

Sweetie.

xxx

:rotfl:

elastigirl

Well think dh has the huf with me now, i just told him i am def not going and def not driving down so he said he would fetch me after work and go back again. Not very fair on him so he is making me feel bad now as he does alot of driving for work. it would also mean we get there v late and i would have to hang around until 11pm when he gets back form work again to all go home together which is stupid! i said well i just won't come at all then. He said i have got to ring mil and tell her why i am not going and to be prepared for her to be very angry with me.
Families hey! :mad:

Money_maker

Reading some of your other posts, you definately need a break from this family. As Amanda said, put your feet up and relax.

Tell dh that you dont feel up to it and can he ring his mum? Perhaps you could offer to cook a special meal for him in a few days to show your appreciation. If all else fails, ring his mum yourself and tell her you dont want to drive all that way then back again in the dark. You also would not allow your dh to do the driving as he works hard all day. Wish her a happy new year and promise to get over as a family later on in January.

Sorted.

AnnieM_3

You're possibly pg and feeling unwell - surely that's reason enough not to go, esp if your SIL has said such awful things to you! I can see it could be upsetting for your OH, but I think possibly pg ladies need indulging a bit Is there any way he can just tell MIL the truth - you might be in the family way and you're not feeling up to driving all that way in the dark?