future relationships & a police caution

AnnieM_3

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Of course anything might have happened, but I find the wording of the OP's post to be very telling; surely somebody innocent of anything would say so quite firmly and not say just that there was no evidence that he had. Most people who are innocent of any wrong doing are very keen to assert the fact and not beat about the bush complaining about no proof.

Perhaps the OP felt that his innocence was implied by the fact that he was posting on here about it full stop? Maybe he didn't want to go into the details of the allegations for fear that people would go off on one in a 'no smoke without fire' kind of way, and start posting comments like your previous one?

You can't read anything into the wording of the post. Maybe the OP didn't communicate his point as clearly as he would have liked? Perhaps 'no evidence' just referred to there being only his ex's allegations, and no medical proof, and that the CPS were going round in circles, dragging the whole thing out and ruining his life? (see OP's latest post).

I'm sorry, but I was moved to anger by your previous post - it was so quick to judge and condemn - all I can say is I hope you're never on a jury!

bestpud

I think this is a wind up personally, but OP:

If you are serious about making a go of future relationships, and you are indeed completely innocent, then you should feel no shame in admitting the caution and explaining yourself.

If there is any truth in the allegations then you cannot be truly reformed if you are not prepared to be open about your past and face it head on.

I am a little concerned by you saying she lied to get out of the house. Why would she need to lie? What was stopping her simply leaving the house and relationship?

And, if you were truly innocent and there was no evidence, why did you accept a caution? I know I wouldn't have?

I would bet most men don't intend to be violent and the signs are often very subtle, for a long while. If the new partner is aware of your past, then she can maybe act on the signs earlier and you perhaps has a better chance of dealing with the problem and building a good relationship.

Many DV perpetrators don't regard their behaviour as abusive, or they justify it. Maybe you need to read up on DV and ask yourself some serious questions?

blingboy

AnnieM wrote: »

Until we know what the allegations were I don't think anyone should be making comments like that!

For all we know she could have accused him of being violent for breaking an ornament after he caught her killing his dog! Or maybe he broke a door down when she changed the locks on a house he owned? Or perhaps he was drunk and disorderly after finding out she was sleeping with his brother? It could be ANYTHING!

How do you know the OP isn't actually a really sweet person and his ex didn't just manage to pull the wool over the police's eyes just enough to get him a caution?

Sorry to rant, but I think a bit of objectivity wouldn't go amiss here.

i hardly drink and certainly had not even touched drop that night my life had changed. My child and me were fast asleep upstairs. partner said she wanted to watch tv downstairs! how about that for a change in circumstances!
i do admit we had a row (as couples do) but nothing to the extreme she was accusing me of...i was accused of beating her to the point she had bruises and beating my kid!! hence - why when i have spoken to a retired doctor who used to work for the police on DV cases - she said was a doctor and female officer called? -I said no. She did not need medical help nor was any called and nor was any offered!
One thing i wont forget is the officer arresting me told me "we have to take all such cases seriously (fair enough) and even if you called instead of your partner if would have been the other way round, hence she has upper hand!"

i think i have been pretty open on this forum and realise some people probably slate me for what i have posted.......all i was asking is for advice on how i can get on with my life in a happy positive way.
If i was a bad person then i cant see how the courts would have allowed me to have full residency of a child.....BTW i was interviewed by cafcass several times before being granted residency rights. Yes i am father who has full residency - a rare breed, but a victim from a bad partner.

bestpud

AnnieM wrote: »

Perhaps the OP felt that his innocence was implied by the fact that he was posting on here about it full stop? Maybe he didn't want to go into the details of the allegations for fear that people would go off on one in a 'no smoke without fire' kind of way, and start posting comments like your previous one?

You can't read anything into the wording of the post. Maybe the OP didn't communicate his point as clearly as he would have liked? Perhaps 'no evidence' just referred to there being only his ex's allegations, and no medical proof, and that the CPS were going round in circles, dragging the whole thing out and ruining his life? (see OP's latest post).

I'm sorry, but I was moved to anger by your previous post - it was so quick to judge and condemn - all I can say is I hope you're never on a jury!

Well, if I were a DV victim, I would hope you weren't on the jury! Works two ways!

blingboy

bestpud wrote: »

I think this is a wind up personally, but OP:

If you are serious about making a go of future relationships, and you are indeed completely innocent, then you should feel no shame in admitting the caution and explaining yourself.

If there is any truth in the allegations then you cannot be truly reformed if you are not prepared to be open about your past and face it head on.

I am a little concerned by you saying she lied to get out of the house. Why would she need to lie? What was stopping her simply leaving the house and relationship?

fair enough your own opinion
i have said am prepared to be admitting this event and even let a future partner read the papers.
why would she leave? yes wanted the house, money etc. yes could have left but that would mean leaving all this behind, as i said when we spilt up she ran off with material stuff, bank accounts emptied etc and left a child behind.

AnnieM_3

bestpud wrote: »

Well, if I were a DV victim, I would hope you weren't on the jury! Works two ways!

Excuse me?????? How dare you say a thing like that!

All I am advocating is objectivity. Until all the facts have been disclosed and presented nobody can make a judgement. If I was on a jury in a DV case I would listen to the defence and the prosecution and then try to make an informed, objective decision, which is exactly what a jury has to do, always bearing in mind that the burden of proof lies with the prosecution.

You are really out of order with your comment. You know absolutely nothing about me, what my opinion is on DV or violence against women in general, or whether I have any experience of it - personal or via friends/family. I think you should apologise for what you said.

Errata

I think the fact that you were awarded custody of your child versus her actions and your caution would carry a lot of weight with most women.

pinkmexican

Sorry to ignore the many tangents....

I would suggest you tell all future gf, as said before if they don't run it's a good sign and surely if they had a caution etc wouldn't you want to know. It works both ways, honesty isn't something you can expect if you can't be honest yourself.

Also on a personal note you don't wanna be in the situation we were in. 2 days before we planned to fly off to get married in Vegas, hubby suddenly remembered he had a warning on is record (for very childish behaviour under the influence of alchohol), I was reading up and we were advised that we needed a Visa to enter the US due to this (all cautions upwards, except driving etc should be discussed with US Embassy and if they approve a Visa purchased), but as this takes a min of 6 weeks that was ruled out, not a pleasant time... We were lucky ours was sorted out, but I have heard of people refused - not the best time to be forced to tell other half about a caution and the reason why.

HTH

P

AnnieM_3

Errata wrote: »

I think the fact that you were awarded custody of your child versus her actions and your caution would carry a lot of weight with most women.

I'd be careful saying that in here - you'll get accused of being biased towards wife-beaters :mad:

Errata

AnnieM wrote: »

I'd be careful saying that in here - you'll get accused of being biased towards wife-beaters :mad:

Why would that be ????