Are all mother's like this?

shaven-monkey

flutterbyuk25 wrote: »

Like I've said I know I am overweight but I have managed to lose almost 3 stone in the last 12 months. I worked away this summer and lost a stone then, but since I've come back all I've had is "should you really eat that?" or "you are lazy".

Congratulations on moving towards your preferred weight.

My mother is much the same towards my sister and it's hypocrisy.

I agree with AnnieM, Tell your mother that you're taking steps to control your weight and ask how her socialisation therapy is going.

She may think that she's being helpful, obnoxious people usually do.

Nelski

awww I do sympathise. My mum can be an absolute horror at times. Two of this years christmas classics:

"What a lovely top that is love (cue me ready to faint..) - covers your fat stomach really well":rotfl: :rotfl:

"I dont know how you get to be as fat as you are you dont eat much more than me" :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

To be honest she has been like this all my life and I did used to get really hurt. After all these years I have realised that she actually doesnt attach the same meaning to her words as I do- and for that reason I choose to believe that she doesnt actually mean to hurt me she thinks she is doing me a favour (just in case I hadnt noticed my lovely pot stomach that is:rotfl: )

Anyway I now have my own coping solutions - being nasty back to her didnt work for me btw as it really isnt my nature - instead I give her a big beaming smile and say something like "thanks mum thats really kind of you I love this top too". When there isnt an answer I just give her a big hug and say awww thanks mum. (that seems to work really well)

Two ways to look at it she either is out to purposefully hurt you in which case you are encouraging it by reacting to it (I think this is unlikely) or that she does not have the same emotional attachment to words that you do and therefore smiling or laughing about it will help how you cope with her outbursts.

sarymclary

Whilst I think her comments are, at the very least, insensitive, can I suggest that if you are still living at home with your parents full-time, just to bite your tongue on this one?

If you are reliant upon them for a roof over your head, etc., try to leave it. I know it is hard, and my mother was less subtle than your mum when I was overweight as a teenager - she got the Weight Watchers leader to come to the house to try to recruit me!! This kind of tactic just sent me towards the food cupboard instead. I know she was probably just worried about my health, and could see that I was possibly missing out on opportunities that my slimmer friends had (I didn't go on girlie hols to Spain, etc), and definitely lacked interest from boys.

However, when I DID lose a lot of weight, as you have, I think my mother then didn't like the new blossoming me that was emergening, as she was jealous.

I wonder if your mum has been so pleased with your successful weightloss, that she's simply concerned that you might be going back to 'old ways', but rather than directly state this fact, she's making barbed comments to try to get the same message across? Have you told her that you're just enjoying the Christmas annual indulgence, but in the new year you intend to shift any gained pounds again? This may be the positive message from you she needs to hear, and will get off your case in the meantime.

Well done at losing your weight, BTW:T It takes a momentous amount of inner strength to do it, so I'm sure ignoring some silly, insensitive remarks from your mum will be a walk in the park compared! :rotfl: BTW, how did you lose your weight? Did you do it alone, or with a club? I'm looking to make a healthy new start in the new year myself.:D

flutterbyuk25

Thanks guys, glad I'm not the only one with a mother like this.

To be honest i dont think she knows it upsets me, and yes she probably thinks she is being helpful in some strange way!

But it'd like, I know I may have added a few festive pounds, there's no need to rub it in!

I do plan to start slimming world in Jan (along with the millions of others) but this is something i want to do, not because my mother thinks I'm fat!

Thanks for your replies, I feel better now!

x

maypole

Just say to her "every time you say that mum, it really hurts me, if you continue to say it, then I'll know you want to hurt me".

It's best not to go to her level and become aggressive, stay on the high ground so to speak.

Also, you have done really well anyway to lose that weight, she should be congratulating you on that.

flutterbyuk25

sarymclary wrote: »

Whilst I think her comments are, at the very least, insensitive, can I suggest that if you are still living at home with your parents full-time, just to bite your tongue on this one?

Well done at losing your weight, BTW:T It takes a momentous amount of inner strength to do it, so I'm sure ignoring some silly, insensitive remarks from your mum will be a walk in the park compared! :rotfl: BTW, how did you lose your weight? Did you do it alone, or with a club? I'm looking to make a healthy new start in the new year myself.:D

Thanks for your reply.

I have bit my tongue as I do live at home and think it's easier to not say anything. Although at the moment it's my parents reliant on me paying them rent, rather than me reliant on them for a home if you know what I mean!

I lost 2 stone on Slimming World, which was a fantastic diet for me, and i will re-start it in Jan. The other stone I lost whilst working at a summer camp in America this summer - combination of dodgy food/loads of exercise/walking miles/heat!

x

hm71_2

Hawthorn wrote: »

Eeesh. My mum was like this (not about my weight....although the odd dig did occur) but about my mental health. I get really poorly at times, and she used to say because it's because I'm lazy and I just need to pull myself together. We had a HUGE blowout. she doesn't do it any more, because I told her the next time she did that, would be the last time she saw us.

We had a similar situation with my Father-in-law like this very fond of the pull yourself together line- that was untill he got himself a girlfriend a lovely but very delicate lady who suffered a breakdown- she eventually committed suicide and after this my father-in-law seemed to be more understanding it was incredibly sad that it took such a drastict action for him to understand.


My mother-in-law is a bit all you have put on weight merchant I just smile & say- it takes alot of effort to get this belly!!!

dogcat_2

I am a mother and I would never make remarks like that to my children - it's terrible. I would tell her that her comments are very nasty and rude and you find them very hurtful. Maybe she is so thick skinned she just does'nt realise!

Hawthorn

Congrats on the weight loss too.....any tips?

I went to my mums on boxing day, and she commented how flattering my trousers were, and that they hide the weight....were they new? I just said no, I got them years ago and they were too big, but I liked them so much I grew into them LOL.

bestpud

Take a step back and see it as her problem, not yours.

People who are happy with themselves feel no need to criticise others, so this says more about her than you.

Well done for the weight loss! :T