Are all mother's like this?

flutterbyuk25

I'm not normally one to rant about my mother but she has just really upset me.

She frequently makes little comments about my weight. Just now she called me fat and lazy because I opted out of going for a walk with my parents.

Now don't get me wrong, I am overweight, always have been, but her making snide comments about it to me really doesn't help.

Like I've said I know I am overweight but I have managed to lose almost 3 stone in the last 12 months. I worked away this summer and lost a stone then, but since I've come back all I've had is "should you really eat that?" or "you are lazy".

So yes i have put a few pounds on this month, it is blooming christmas period after all, but I really don't know how to deal with her. We have never been that close, i have never felt like I can confide in her about anything. I really want to say something to her cos it really hurts me when she is like this, but then I don't know if she is just being like any other mother who makes comments!

Any suggestions of how to deal with her?

Thanks

x

AnnieM_3

flutterbyuk25 wrote: »

Any suggestions of how to deal with her?

Suggest to her you may have a go at a diet, but only if she goes to therapy sessions to help her stop being so obnoxious!

Fair enough, she may be concerned about you, but telling you you're lazy and fat is not exactly going to help anyone!

Pssst

May i ask your age?

Perhaps she still sees you as her little girl and not all grown up?

searching_me

my mother was like this til i turned around and said " you aint no stick figure and i get my eating habits from you" shut her up... well for abit x

flutterbyuk25

searching_me wrote: »

my mother was like this til i turned around and said " you aint no stick figure and i get my eating habits from you" shut her up... well for abit x

Lol, that would be the perfect response to give to my mother! She aint slim either, though slimmer than me.

Pssst - I'm 26, still live at home though.

x

POSSETTE

so how do you compare with your mum for size?.mine has always been bigger than me and i am creeping up to the size 16 mark! but im happy so she aint bothered,thats more important to her.just say next time she makes a comment that your actually aiming to be the size you were happiest at,and make that a size above what you are now!!

Hawthorn

Eeesh. My mum was like this (not about my weight....although the odd dig did occur) but about my mental health. I get really poorly at times, and she used to say because it's because I'm lazy and I just need to pull myself together. We had a HUGE blowout. she doesn't do it any more, because I told her the next time she did that, would be the last time she saw us.

shellsuit

Just tell her you can lose weight, but she can't lose her big fat gob.

Honestly, why are some people so mean and cruel to others?

I bet your Mum isn't perfect is she, I'd have fun pointing out her flaws, but ask her if she's got a few hours while you go through them all

3plus1

flutterbyuk25 wrote: »

Just now she called me fat and lazy because I opted out of going for a walk with my parents.

Do you think she realises you find her comments hurtful?

flutterbyuk25 wrote: »

Now don't get me wrong, I am overweight, always have been, but her making snide comments about it to me really doesn't help.

Have you told her that?

flutterbyuk25 wrote: »

Like I've said I know I am overweight but I have managed to lose almost 3 stone in the last 12 months. I worked away this summer and lost a stone then,

That's an amazing achievement. You should feel really proud of yourself. :T

flutterbyuk25 wrote: »

We have never been that close, i have never felt like I can confide in her about anything. I really want to say something to her cos it really hurts me when she is like this, but then I don't know if she is just being like any other mother who makes comments!

My weight has always fluctuated a bit - and I used to be a lot bigger. Whenever I start sliding back towards that place, my mother will tell me I'm getting fat. Not because she wants to hurt me and make me feel bad, but because she knows that I won't have noticed. I creep on weight gradually, so don't see it. Because she sees me not that often - she can identify when I need to reign back in my guilty food pleasures! My OH loves me dearly and wouldn't care if I went up a few dress sizes. I would, and I do need someone to tell me to think about what I'm doing before that happens and I suddenly need a new wardrobe!

It could be that your mum is a horrible woman, or it could be that she's a bit more like my mum and is trying to help (unfortunately, in your case, it's just hurting you, not helping). My mother always said to me, that if your own mother couldn't tell you when you had a problem, who would?

Sometimes you do need someone to be honest with you and tell you your bum looks big in that. But it does need to be balanced out with them telling you that you look good (truthfully!) in something else!

UKTigerlily

I know how ya feel! Tell her thanks for her concern but you're fine & if & when you want to lose or gain any you'll do it for you not her!

scrimpingbadger

Ahhh, mothers and weight comments...

My ma did recently comment 'You're not as fat as you were'. I've had a lot of comments from her pretty much all my life. I've given up asking myself why she would be so mean and I've come round to thinking that just 'cos she says it, it doesn't make it true.

So here's what I said in reply to that last comment:
' Oh, thanks - now I know where I get my high self esteem from'.

She obviously hadn't realised. I've had no more problems since.....:j