child maintance + ex husband

traciemk

:mad: right where do i start
ex husband walk out on me and 3 kiddies november 2003 now divorce from him :j anyway since then ex husband has done everything in his powers to advoided paying for his children he has walk out of about 20 jobs in past few years been on job seekers(i was meant to get £5 a week but i did not) right last weekend he ask to met up with me to talk about c.s.a money for kids so i met him he explain he has a new job as a catering manager lives in brighton but travel to work in bedford every day (about 250 miles each way)loads of miles loads of petrol he moan that he is on a tighht budget but rents a flat in hove(brighton) with his girlfriend(ive check out prices of these flat he is meant to be living in and they are about £600 a month in rent he asked if i would accept £200 a month for 2 of the children......
i explain i would contact c.s.a regarding this, he wants me to cancel c.s.a claims and all the c.s.a arrears he has built up over last 3 years about £7000 and argree to just £200 a month. does he think im that silly i know with c.s.a working out his wages taking 20% of for the 2 children it would be alot more then £200 amonth what do i do ive enclosed his email reply to me = hi tracy,
when we spoke the other day we agreed to cancel the csa and pay £200 direct to you,cancelling any arrears.
if this is not the case,then we will need to re-adress payment and access to the children.
i have explained my financial position to you and can only afford £200 per month on my budget.

if this cannot be resolved,then things will stay as they are
kevin
im really confused on what he mean if it cant be resolved things will stay as they are surelly he must reaslie he is blackmailing me please can any one offer me some advice on this

black-saturn

Yes he is blackmailing you. Go above board with it all and go through the CSA. If you make an agreement like him to pay £200 PM he could email you again in 6 months and change the arrangements again to suit him. Dont let him blackmail you through the children either.

I noticed its another Kevin. I've got a problem Kevin too :mad:

MattyNeth

Difficult situation. He has to have somewhere to live and is obviously on a very tight budget, and it would appear he cannot afford to pay more than £200. Do you want to risk trying to end up getting more than £200 a month and end up with nothing?

hjb123

I would go to the CSA and then you have a proper agreement. He will probably only try and get out of it otherwise.

Also try your local Welfare Rights Service or Citizens Advice Bureau.

Keep your chin up!

Argyll_2

Go to https://www.nacsa.co.uk. It'll cost you £30 but the information will be invaluable. I joined last year and I can't put in to words how much it has helped me.

Quietgirl

I think that you should stick with the CSA, if you drop it, then he might not pay. Why has he suddenly started trying to resolve it? I would ring the CSA and tell them exactly whats gone on and that he is working. Don't be blackmailed!

traciemk

thanks for all the good advice.
ive been in touch with c.s.a regarding this they have said they will send letter to him asking for his wages details.
ive since had aonther email form kevin(ex husband) saying this=hi tracy,
after our meeting i thought we had made things quite clear.
we were going to cancel the csa and £200 cash per month.

this seeems to be turning into a money thing again,thought we had moved on



why wont he just go though c.s.a or is he worried they will look at his wages and take 20% of for the 2children and it will be more then £200 a month does he really think im so silly to cancel c.s.a and lose 3 years worth of arrears what make it worse he aint spoke with kids for 2 years and mange to forget there birthdays and christmas(not even a card) what do i do

rchddap1

"I thought we had made things quite clear"....in otherwords I had told you what I want and you have no choice but to agree to it. Just because he says go jump off that cliff it doesn't mean that you should. You do not have to do what he says just because he says its the only option and starts suggesting you'd get nothing if you don't agree.

"this seems to be turning into a money thing again".....well kids to cost to support. He walked out on them, hasn't made any commitments for 2 years (even just speaking to the kids) and he expects you to say...ohhh goody yes lets do that. Besides, he's the one who's been avoiding payment.

"thought we had moved on".....He may have moved on, but you are in the same situation....2 kids that have no help or support or contact from their father. Children need stability and reliability and so far he hasn't shown that he can do either of these things.

What's to say a few months down the line that he won't change his mind and say I'm only going to give you £50 a month....or I can't give you anything this time...sorry. Whats to say that if he does start to see the kids regularly that he won't change his mind and stop seeing them. For children this last bit would be hard and difficult to understand...and guess who would have to pick up the peices?

If you've managed up to now on your own I would suggest that you stick with the CSA. If he goes through them, then he would be showing his long-term commitment...unlike what he has demonstrated so far. If something does happen out of it all then it would be a bonus ..... if not ... well you can probably work out my thoughts here.

Don't let him pressure you into doing something you think is daft. If you think its a silly offer then stick to your guns.

mummysaver

Well as he's paid nothing so far what's to stop him still paying nothing! Perhaps I'm cynical, but I think that going through the CSA is exactly the right thing to do - they may not be perfect but at least everything become legal and above board. My friend's ex husband had the payments, plus some of the excess deducted at source from his earnings as he wasn't paying - if they can still do this no wonder your ex is worried and keen for you to agree to less money and to withdraw your claim for back payments!

All you can do is keep on as you are - you are in the right! And pass on his emails to the CSA, what a cheek, I don't think that they will agree that he has the option of things "staying as they are".

It's just a thought, but if he is suddenly in regular work and wants to pay, is there a chance that his girlfriend wants a family, and therefore he will need to keep a job - even if you don't get much money from him this may ensure that you get something.

Some people make me very cross, and your ex has now joined the list - I have to say that the money bit is bad, but what is truely awful is not contacting or visiting his children - what a rat!

Well done for not giving into his blackmail, and good luck with eventually getting some money for the children.

Rjohnmatt

I sympathise with your situation but have you not thought about working yourself to get some additional money for the kids.

black-saturn

Rjohnmatt wrote:

I sympathise with your situation but have you not thought about working yourself to get some additional money for the kids.

The subject isnt about that. It's about a father providing for his children. He would still have to pay it whether she was working or not and so far I think he's had it easy. He has got away with only paying out £200 per month for them and no presents at birthday or christmas. What an easy cop out that is.