A dreadful situation - separation advice

hex2

Jelle wrote:

Hi there - I have asked about depression, and she says she isn't at all, and has done the checklist test for it QUOTE]

Jelle,

Just info really, the checklist is something your health visitor goes through with you - it is about 20 questions along the lines of do you feel able to cope with things less, more, same. Do you cry as much as you did, more less, etc. It is just a general trend indicator and it is easy enought to lie your way through it if you feel like it. You do it a few weeks after the baby is born and then again at the weaning meeting.

Even if she is not depressed - tired and emotional is not a good state to make decisions.

Good luck with everything.

Ember999

Spendless wrote:

Every single couple I've met with the 'his' and 'hers' money has had problems within their marriage, often centred around financial problems. I'm sure there must be couples out there that do do seperate things happily but I personally have not come across them. If I'd come into an inheritance I would be saying to my hubby "what shall we do with this money" be it pay off house, holiday,save etc.

I'm sorry I have no suggestions for you, other than to suggest relate, but if your wife won't go I don't know what you can do.
I hope you manage to sort things out and I wish you all the best.:)

I totally agree Spendless....if I had come in to £100,000 inheritance or a win on the lottery for that matter, it wouldn't be mine, it would be 'ours' mine and my husbands. I have yet also to see a marriage/relationship last where finances are seperate and termed his and hers. Spells disaster from the start.

I would have thought the minute she had received the hundred K she would have paid it off the mortgage and you both would have been mortgage free with £20,000 in savings. What a great position your family would have been in then. Sadly, she is wanting to split instead. I am wondering if the 100K hasn't had a lot to do with it. Maybe she felt she had no money prior to this windfall, as quote: you pay the bills, mortgage etc. maybe that's why she feels justified in saying the inheritance is hers rather than 'yours'? Now she sees the 100K as an escape route from her marriage and you. I hope this is not the case but it may well be

Post Natal depresion hits thousands of women every day. You need to try to get her to think calmly before she makes any rash decision. This money could set your family up for life rather than ruining it if you handle things calmly.

If she persists in wanting a divorce, has it occured to you that as her husband you are entitled to a percentage of the 100K just like she is entitled to half the house etc. If I was you and she was wanting to cut and run and take the money I'd take her to court to get my share. Everything you both own should be yours jointly and as you are married the law will see it that way also.

Hugs to you as I imagine you are very upset at the moment, it's an awful situation.

Ember xx

us,thecat&thedebt

:grouphug: firstly ((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Just to clarify earlier you mentioned your wife getting legal help..
i can 99% tell you that with 100k in the bank no chance

i agree with everyone on this thread most partnerships worked on a 50/50 his and hers..
i am due to inherit 30k next year (when i turn 21) and wouldnt for a min think twice about using it towards mine and partners savings once out of debt! to put a deposit down on a flat/house..

as mentioned do not move out of your home!

try to keep it civil for as long as possible..

maybe get legal advice but not instruction...

while you are going through this tough time try to make sure your children are as sheltered as possible..

i would also like to ask why if your wife has 100k in the bank you are paying all the bills and mortgage?
seems odd to me

try not to push the issue if you can as if she is depressed she may need space ect...

hate to say it but my mother in law went a bit like this only her coming into money was in the shape of a wealthy man...
she is now deeply unhappy with her rich man and has lost a lot of family and rights to her future grandchildren!

i really do hope that you get through this or come out of it with your head high

good luck :grouphug: