Totally stressed and want to run away

milliemonster

Thank you thank you thank you all soooooo much for your kind thoughts and wishes, I am very very touched by the overwhelming love and support you are all offering me, god knows I need it from somewhere!!

As you can see it is very late and I am still up, crying, it feels like it all happened just yesterday.

Flossysplodge, omg, you have completely read how I feel. I have been doing a lot of thinking tonight and realise I have been plodding along all of these months with a brave face on, pretending and acting that I am fine and everything is ok, I spend my time trying to concentrate on other things and not thinking about my mum because when I do it hurts so much.

People generally don't ask me how I am feeling, we moved house 5 weeks before my mum died to live near to my parents to help more, didn't realise at the time how little time we had left, we thought we would have had at least the summer and xmas if we were lucky.

I have no friends, nothing, my sister and brother and even my dad all have friends and members of the family who they see and who they can lean on, I have no-one except my oh and I can't talk to him, I have to keep this brave face on for my children and my dad who relies on me so much.

So I guess I will have to just dry my tears, go to bed and get up tomorrow like this never happened, put that mask back on. I think I will phone Cruise though, I can at least give it a try.

Diamond78

Maybe you can ask if there are any groups in your area, your gp should be able to put you in touch with some sort of organisation that deals with bearevement. You will make new friends that way and you will be able to talk openly about your feelings once you feel comfortable talking.

I go for group therapy but not for bearevement. I was a bit nervous and scared at first but after my 2nd time there, I felt totally comfortable coz I had something in common with the rest of the group and we are all going through the same things. If I was told to go last year, I would of never gone as I would of never believed it would help me, but I can honestly say, I look forward to going each week.

You need to try and get some me time too. That is very important. If your kids are at school, forget the housework for the time being. Try and learn ways to relax, it could be a bath, happy music, a comedy on dvd, something that will lift you up a bit. I know its very hard darling but I know you can do it.

I know your hubby may not seem usefull at the moment but you need to tell him to help out a bit. Be firm but not argumentive with him.

Ask him to do some of the housework, sort out some of the bills and tell him to do the food shop for xmas. Tell your sister to help out with some of the cooking.

I wish I was close so I could help out and give you a hand.
All the best and big hugs.xxx

CarerQuie

I really feel for you.You're still grieving the loss of your Mother.The trouble is that the world around you carries on as if nothing has happened.Your in-laws are probably thoughtless rather than deliberately uncaring;but it hurts.

Your Dad is obviously stll feeling very lost and he has turned to you to help him at this time.This on it's own isn't wrong but can get in the way.

If you are to host the Christmas dinner,why not see if the others can contribute a course?Your Dad could buy frozen desserts etc. and your sister could probably provide starters or snacks or drinks?

It will be hard,having the first Christmas without your Mum and I expect you're dreading it.Perhaps you can light a candle or get a special Christmas ornament to remember her by.

If you want to unload your thoughts more you are welcome to PM me,or any of us,I'm sure.

My thoughts are with you.My other tip is to perhaps tell the others how hard you're finding this;they probably are,too and are probably too afraid to say so.

In time you will find a way to negotiate the season but it might take inventiveness and time.xx

RedBern

Sorry to hear of your loss. However, you are dealing with it better than you give yourself credit for. You recognise that you're struggling, which is a start. Agree with other posters - you need to speak to your dad & sister and say how much you are struggling. Also, just mention how worried you are about Christmas dinner and get them to help as so many posters have advised.

Also, please don't totally cut yourself off from your outlaws. They probably see you as coping and don't want to interfere (giving huge benefit of doubt here!) - but they are grandparents to your children. Let them take some of the strain for you in the New Year. If necessary say how disappointed you are they haven't been in touch - but don't fall out with them!

As far as work goes - your boss obviously thought you were up to the new job- but sounds like it wasn't his decision. Everything happens for a reason and this wasn't the job for you. (To give a personal slant, I was once asked to apply for a job - which I did - was the only applicant and STILL didn't get it - because I didn't have the experience which they knew I didn't have when they asked me to apply - how much of a slap in the face is that?):o There will be other jobs - get your head sorted first of all and everything else will fall into place.

The New Year is almost here - look forward to it!

cobbingstones

Millie - YOU DO have friends here on MSE! Please come and talk anytime. Sometimes I wish we could have our addresses on here so anyone near could pop over to give support and encouragement when needed, and all the others could send cards to let you know that you are very much thought off at this difficult time. Please do get yourself some help. You deserve to go and receive counselling, like the rest of us, so take it and you'll have the opportunity to grieve in a safe environment with an experienced counsellor.

So sorry to hear of your loss.

All the very best to you and your family.

MM xxxx

sandra_nz

Oh gosh, you have been through, and are still going through, so much this year.

I am wondering if you come across to friends and family as a really strong and together person. And I'm wondering if you find it hard to tell people when you don't feel that you are coping.

Unfortunately, this means that you become more and more stressed out, but feel less and less able to reach out for help. It's a bit of a spiral and I think it's getting near time to stop spinning.

Reach out to someone. It doesn't matter if it's a family member (you mentioned your sister was very supportive) or your doctor or a counsellor on a helpline. Let someone know how you are feeling. Don't worry about 'losing it' or 'breaking down' - this is healthy behaviour and your body is probably aching to let go of all this tension and sadness and stress. It won't go away immediately, but it will offer some relief.

You don't want to carry on feeling like this, because you will start feeling bitter and betrayed that people don't know how you are feeling and are taking advantage of your good nature. But if you don't let them know, then how can they?

If you could get your sister on side, perhaps she could have a word with your husband. I suspect your husband knows deep down in his heart that you are not coping, but he's not saying anything because he doesn't know what to say or what to do. It struck me when you said that the in laws weren't supportive and didn't ask about your mum - perhaps in his family they just don't know how to deal with situations like that. So your husband has never seen how adults deal with these things.

Congratulations on your good appraisal at work - hang on to the small victories like that. You had a hard time with your previous boss but it sounds like your new boss is very happy with your work.

fraz_babe

Hi millie.

Sorry to post a bit late. But i just want to say i am very sorry about your loss. I hope you had the best christmas possible. And i bet your mum was looking down on you so proud & wishing she was with you. My dad lost his mum when he was 32/33. He still takes it badly. For the past 6 years he drinks every night. And he speaks to people like crap all the time. xx