Totally stressed and want to run away

Tesco_points_addict

Aw hun I feel for you a really do.

I have suffered from depression, you really need to speak to your doctor. I know when I'm feeling low I think the whole world is against me and things will never work out. Loosing you Mum must have been just dreadful for you and I cannot put myself in your shoes there, but please please please see your doctor, he/she will be able to refer you for councelling, I scoffed at this when first offered but went along as work were insistant....I'm so glad I did, I talked about things I didn;t even realise were bothering me and it made me realise my fears/hope/wishes/problems were justified and just helped me understand why I felt like i did.

St.Johns Wart is a great pick me up....available from helath food shops but it does interact with some things like the contreceptive pill so just check it out first.

As for everything that needs doing at home, write a list, my hubby is useless at 'seeing things that need doing' but if i write 'myself' a list he will often do things on it!! MEN!

The most important thing I think I have learnt is feeling down/low/depressed is NOTHING to be ashamed of and you really must confide in people...you have made the first step be talking on here.

Big huge hugs (((())))

TPAx

Mips

Make sure you grab a whole hour, every single day... just for YOU.

Take a walk, lie in the bath, read a book... in comfort and in peace.. perhaps learn to meditate.

What you are feeling, how you are reacting is all normal. The pain will become less as the years go on.


I am so sorry for your loss.. I wouldn't put up with 14 people at my dining table at Christmas no way! I wouldn't cope!!!! :eek:

Your Dads comment sounded affectionate.. 'she'll manage' seems to be a Dads way of putting across to you that you will be just fine

Bitsy_Beans

I am so sorry that you've lost your mum. You are not a fraud though. You are entitled to just as much support as the next person so I strongly recommend you speak to someone, even if it's just to get some things off your chest.
Rely on your sister - you can both support each other and the suggestion for tripping over to Old Style board is a good one (picked up loads of ideas from there myself).
I know it's hard with your dad but I suspect he's just a little lost and you are someone who he clearly sees as strong so he's going to cling to you at the moment. I am sure in time things will get better but this time of year is always hard when you've lost someone you love.
I know it's difficult but you need to fit in some grieving - if you don't it will come crashing down on you anyway. As for housework - really don't stress over it. You cannot be superwoman all the time. Housework isn't the most important thing at the moment. If you can barely manage to flick round a duster then so be it (that's pretty much all I do and I don't have the grief that you have).
Don't be bitter about your in-laws. You might find that they were unsure how to handle the situation. Plus if you are giving the impression that you are coping on the outside (even if the inside is crumbling) they may have left you alone for that reason.
Have a hug [[[[[hug]]]]]

jennyred

Hi Millie - didnt want to read and run.
cant offer help regarding feeding the 5000 xmas day!! but just thought I would share with you what I do each xmas in memory of my mum and dad.
I always get up either 10-15mins before anyone else or before I leave for work (am a nurse so often work xmas day) then I go into the front room and light a candle that sits in the fireplace. then I just spend 10 mins in the dark saying a little prayer and just sitting in silence. i then blow it out - I have had that candle for 10 years and take it with me where ever I go. Last year we spent xmas with OH family and I took it with me. as it was quite mild, I took it into their lovely garden and did it there.
I understand how hard it is but I have found having that little tradition each year helps.
my mum was just 36 when she died of breast cancer and my dad was 38 when he died of lung cancer. i was in my teens but i dont think it gets any easier no matter how old you are or your family are when they pass away.
please take care at xmas and try and have a couple of minutes before anyone arrives to sit and remember some good memories and have a good cry if you need too.
(have a few tears now - OH is looking rather worried that he might actually have to deal with a sobbing woman!!)

jenny

squidge60

sorry to hear about your mum x try not to be to anrgy with your hubs parents some people are embarassed and dont know what to say stupid but true! where dinner is concerned whenever we went to my sils as a family get together everyone would be asked to take something with so many people i cant see anything wrong with that.helps with the cost as well.your dad proberly said you will manage thinking you are a stronger person than you appear to be (dont suppose you have said much to him about how YOU feel).maybe try to do less (sounds like you are overdoing it without even trying no wonder you feel depressed.if you feel you need help ask for it grief is a huge emotion and hard to deal with it creeps up on you even when you dont expect it.try to take some time out for yourself and above all discuss with your oh even if he does not understand it gives him more insight about how you feel x

Paparika

cruise is especially for people like you.....

you've lost a loved one, thats why they are there,

please ask the family to chip in, it's gonna be a cheap chrimbo for them if they don't and that would be spiteful.

I'm going to my parents... they are in France i am in the UK, I've offered to give them money as there will be 3 extra mouths to feed, mum said no, but I'll hide it, for her to find once we are gone, they can't afford it and i know they don't want to take the money but i also know they need it too.

I can see why your dad wants the big family get to gether as he wants company thi

lovethymini

hiya

I was so sad to read your post. I lost my mother too, exactly 10 years ago this month. It's a massive wrench of the heart that never really goes away.

You sound like Superwomen doing all that work at home, with family, plus having a job, oh and trying for a promotion - it made me wonder if you have the "I Can Cope" face on and that you never ever ask for help? You're surrounded by people but seem to have so much on your plate at the moment. Do you think you could say to OH, or your sister - "I don't think I can cope with this, please will you help me", you may be pleasantly surprised; people love to feel useful and helpful, and they will want to help you, because they love you.

The inlaws may have taken a step backwards because they are too scared to do or say the wrong thing. I found that some people avoided me after my mother died because they simply didn't know what to say to me. I wasn't angry with them, it just made me think more considerately when other people were in the same situation.

You may or may not be ready for counselling; after 10 years I'm finally going to see someone in the next few months, it's taken me a year to progress from being referred to organising my first visit.

x

flossy_splodge

Your post helped me realise we all do strange things when our emotions are upside down - I lost my mum 8 years ago and it isn't any easier now than 8 years ago.

However, I did some things that have made matters worse.

Like you, my Dad fell to bits, in fact he's never recovered. If I'd known then and all that I would have explained to him at the time about how I was feeling.

He came to stay with me after mum died and just upped and offed one day when he was ready, no word to me. I woke up to find he'd gone back to his own house.
He has never, ever asked me how I am doing, how I feel etc. That has left me bitterly resentful.
Like you I feel I've gained another child.

But the biggest lesson has been, if you pretend to be coping because you feel you should, others will take you at face value.
This is not lack of love, its because it's easier to accept someone is coping than have to try and take on their pain as well.

I really really suggest you stop worrying about what you think you SHOULD do and let your emotions show.
No not everyone will find it comfortable but this is just as much about you and you won't start to heal until you've gone through the normal grieving process.
Keeping it under wraps will stop the healing.

Oh yes, and as much as you can; TALK about your Mum. It really helps and sometimes it shows others that avoiding the topic is not what you want or need.

Good luck, God Bless and I promise with time you will start to focus more on the good memories. xx
We're all here for you. :grouphug:

Diamond78

Im so sorry for your loss. Didnt want to read and run. Everyone has given great advice. I agree you should go to your doctor, you will feel better If you tell him/her how your feeling. You are coping really well and you should be proud of yourself. There is a lot of help out there and you deserve it as much as anyone. Dont suffer alone. I will be thinking of you. Big Hugs x

Marg

As you can see from the time of my response it will be brief but I couldn't just read & run as I was touched by your plight. Your grief this year will be very raw but it can ease given enough time.

I hope you manage read all the helpful supportive replies on here and use all those that fit YOU best. I can't add much to them save to say you will instinctively know which ones - trust in yourself.

Once Christmas day is out of the way you may well feel more able to tackle the other issues so try to take it one step at a time and ask for help when ever you need it - after all, at any other time, if you thought someone needed your help, you'd willingly give it wouldn't you?

I do hope you feel better for knowing we care.