Fire Fox's Debt-Free in 2009 Diary

claire0788

Come on Fire Fox, your still doing amazing. These are just bumps in the road.

Fire_Fox

I still haven't heard from Cat's Protection, sure that is not a good thing. Mr. Fire Fox has always been willing to move out more quickly but I don't want him to leave. It's just such a horrible way for it to end. I honestly believe I'd cope if we made a proper effort and it didn't work out: I'm really struggling to cope with this.

lilmissmup

Aww i thought you might try still?

Fire_Fox

I just don't know. Normally I am really good at viewing situations logically and objectively, but I know I am not with this. I feel that if he doesn't love or fancy me anymore then there isn't anything to salvage, but he won't say that. I suppose actions speak louder than words ...

lilmissmup

Is he saying he does love you though?

Its so hard to think of things logically, i am only just starting to come out of the zombie phase, first six weeks i was walking round in a complete state of shock.

I haven't seen my ex for 2.5weeks though now and think its helped in me not being a zombie although i do miss him.

Fire_Fox

He says he doesn't love me as much as he did. I don't know if that is meant to be letting me down gently or giving me hope.

ZiggyStardust_2

Fire_Fox wrote: »

He says he doesn't love me as much as he did. I don't know if that is meant to be letting me down gently or giving me hope.

Bear with me... could it almost be his way of punishing himself for what's happened? Feels he's not good enough for you and would do more harm than good if he stayed with you? When I had abit of a tough time a couple of years ago with severe depression I tried to push my now husband away (who I loved more than anything and had always been hugely supportive of me). I know it's different but for a time I felt unworthy of being loved and felt I would destroy things, and him.

Is he willing to talk through what happened and why? Has he opened up to you?

Fire_Fox

I know he wants out of Bradford and I don't think he is willing to put the effort into finding a way forward, he just thinks it won't work. I wrote him a letter yesterday which I am going to redo as it's too harsh.

Back on topic I have spent £21 (inc. 20% discount code) on two Flexi-bar fitness DVDs - I teach classes in this and need new ideas. Should also be going to Tesco to spend a load of vouchers but since neither of us have eaten much in the last two weeks, it's a bit pointless.

Fire_Fox

Just completed a survey and am up to 940 points on GlobalTestMarket! Really close to the £30 mark after eight months.

Fire_Fox

Not my best effort in Tesco today - just bought junk food, expensive meat, wine and wine glasses! Total spend of £71 before vouchers taken off, £52 afterwards. :eek: On the bright side I received 330 Clubcard points which I will save to double up.

Expensive items were:
£16 on four bottles of wine (£13 vouchers)
£8 on wine glasses
£2 on orange squash
£2 on dry shampoo
£2.50 on Marmite (offer)
£3 on three tubes of Pringles (offer)
£2.20 on two bars of chocolate
£3.50 on large bag of dried fruit
£2 on two packs of fish fingers (BOGOF)
£7 on half leg of lamb
£8.60 on a large corn-fed chicken

So the actual spend on groceries was £39 which means will have to declare the September grocery challenge at £104. Note to self: do not go to the supermarket for the sake of using vouchers, without a proper list, when you are feeling emotional. :rolleyes: