Depression Support Thread

rosepink1984

Hi Jo_R, really sorry you had such a bad day. I always find it hard to cope when my OH goes back to work after some time off. It's unfortunate that your daughter chose today to have a tantrum!
Try to have some time for yourself, even if its to have a nap, or read a book, or whatever relaxes you. Try not to worry about after the baby is born - i know it's easier said than done, and by all means prepare as much as poss, but just take it one step at a time. I'm sure you will get more support than you expect, and you will find that you are stronger than you think. I always think I can't cope and want to give up, but then somehow I keep going. I'm really sure this will be the case for you. Post again tomorrow and let us know how you are getting on, big hugs

Jo_R_2

beachbeth wrote: »

Jo_r, im so sorry to hear how bad you're feeling. Ive had to drag my eldest around the town as she was having a hissy fit (she was about 2) and people were looking at me as though I was a bad mother! (Don't people realise that children do this from time to time??? ) I got to the point too where I felt as though my batteries had run out, my brain was completely full to bursting and I couldn't take any more. It got to the point where I just had a complete breakdown and couldn't leave the house. I was then diagnosed with depression and everyone took notice because they could see what a state I was in.

Exactly how I feel. The mad thing is my doctor knows me, I have a psychiatrist, yet at this point in time it's the Health Visitor who's providing all the support and technically I'm not actually depressed. I feel like for someone to go, oh here we go she really does feel bad look, I have to actually *do* the things I think about doing every day. Oh I know just thinking about bad stuff isn't the same as doing them, but sometimes my thoughts are plagued by 'what if I...' and at times I feel like actually doing them, but luckily I have a good control mechanism whereby I can hold myself off but I don't feel like that is going to last forever because I'm stretched to the limit at the mo...

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
I'm going to start by sending a fluffy Tiffy to owens3116 (owens) and rosepink1984 (rp). I hope you'll find all the support and resources that can possibly help you via the wonderful people here. You don't have to ask permission, you are both more than welcome to join the clan. And don't worry guys - I do know I'm not a cat!

The Tiff Chronicles ~ Part 9

I wish I could stop and post because as always, there's so much I want to say. It's been very hectic here at Tiff Towers as you know and I've just taken some time to type a Tiff update. I've been finding posting recently almost theraputic to me in a weird way, to try and help someone a little. That must sound really odd, but I know so many of you and I do care.

Mum was discharged from hospital in the afternoon of New Year's Eve bless her and was taken back in a few hours later. She's caught another chest infection. She is such a fighter! DS went back to London on Sunday, back to the Conservatoire. I went with my sister-in-law to visit Mum last night and they said she'd had a bit of a rough day and she was really pleased to see us.

I bought her a 1/4 carat diamond ring for Christmas which she said I shouldn't have done and there was a hesitation and something told me she wasn't comfortable with it. She said it was too dainty for her fat fingers, (it wasn't - it was a tad loose), and I said I'd rather change it for something she liked more. So when I finally felt well enough to visit again last night, I took the replacement ring I had bought - it was a 9ct gold diamond set band with the words 'I love you' carved in relief. It was a much cheaper ring, no carat value, but I thought it summed up perfectly what my Mum is all about. And she did like it...but it didn't fit! Her meds had made her fingers puffy now. She was very ill yesterday.

So today, I took my Tiffy tail into town and had a huge list of things to do, including changing the ring again and then going on to do a main food shop. After I'd been to the bank, I then walked down to the jewellers and exchanged Mum's ring for a really pretty ring - only 5 points of a carat, but it was so pretty and I knew she'd love it. I just felt so drained afterwards that I couldn't face going to the supermarket and thought 'Oh Tiff it - I can do the rest tomorrow.' and caught a taxi home.

I got in, made a cuppa and made my daily phone call at 2.30pm to check on Mum at the hospital. I was so excited about her seeing the ring. The nurse said that Mum had been a bit poorlier today and that the hospital had called two contact numbers this morning so we could go and see her. Neither myself, my brother or my sister have any such messages. I asked how Mum was and was told that someone should come up. I asked if she meant now, whether the 3 of us should come up immediately and the nurse said no, don't rush up there, visiting wasn't until 3pm. In my thicky Tiffy brain, I wondered to myself, 'well why were you calling us this morning then?!' So I phoned my brother and sister and the three of us and my sister-in-law went up for visiting.

Mum was unconscious. After a while as we were all talking to her, she struggled to open her eyes a little at the sound of our voices. As I said before, love is what my Mum is all about. She closed her eyes again and kept struggling to speak through her oxygen mask, repeating over and over and over ''Love you, love you, love you.'' And every time we responded, she said it again, over and over.

The doctor came and spoke to us. Simply put, Mum's dying. She told me when I was alone with her last night that she was scared and this was beating her. She knew we were all with her this afternoon and was struggling to love us and she was trying to reassure us by saying 'Love you' again and again. My incredible Mum.

I think she must know that she is dying for the family to all turn up. They've moved her bed to the bay in front of the desk tonight and fitted a special oxygen mask to help her breathe a little easier for now, although she may not be able to tolerate it for long and the dr said it would make her more comfortable. But it hasn't worked. The nurses said we could use the visiting room for as long as we needed. Mum's only surviving sibling - her brother - is going up to see her, as well as her nieces and nephew.

I put the ring that I bought her on her finger and it fitted, a little snug but not much. And it looks so pretty on her. But she never got to see it. My brother and I came home, leaving my sister and sister-in-law there and we'll go back soon. They said they'd call if there were any changes.

I don't feel like much of a Tiffster right now guys. I know all the right things to say to someone else in this position but my world has turned upside down again and I'm reeling a bit.

And it must seem really pathetic to post on the thread about this but you guys almost feel like family to me because we've shared so much. I just wanted to post and say how proud I am of my amazing and loving Mum and how very courageous she is being - much more than I am! - and I couldn't think of a better place to do it.
And besides, I didn't want to leave a tiny Tiffy gap for you to get up to tomorrow and try and put some other kitty in my basket instead. I'll be going back to the hospital as soon as they call me and my brother, which won't be long they said. I'll be back as and when I can and I'm sure you all understand.

Right - now play nicely together, you hear? I'm a Tiff so I'll be all right, don't worry.
I gotta go and watch a very real angel go to heaven. Thinking of you all.
Be kind to yourself, guys.
All My Love,
Tiff xxx

fairydawn

Tiff, sending you love and hugs, my thoughts are with you tonight.
D x

whitevanwoman

Tiff

I don't really know what to say to you. Your courage and strength is inspiring, as is, like I've said before, your ability to think of others even during your own difficulties.

I'm sending you my love (which is pretty valuable, cos I don't really "do" love, except where dogs, and my 2 pusscats, are concerned) and you are in my thoughts.

I hope you have someone looking out for you at home - just gimme a shout if you want someone to feed the cats

Lots of love and hugs

Infidel

I'm off on hols for some Vitamin D soon. So bye bye to SAD.

shazrobo

(((big hugs))) tiff, only just seen your post, and it brought tears to my eyes, can't imagine what you are going through right now, we are all here for you hun
all my love
shaz xxx

EthelBloggs

Tiffy, you're in my thoughts and prayers.. keep strong girlie xxx

beachbeth

Tiff, you are such a loving and warm person - it shines through your posts. You obviously take after your wonderful mum. I was in tears reading your post. I wish you and your family all the best. Please know that we are thinking of you and sending our thoughts, wishes and strength to you.:grouphug:

Jo_R_2

Thinking of you Tiff xxx