Money for having children?

HappySad

redballoon wrote:

many thanks, i was just searching the net and found the grant, but don't think i will be able to claim.

we already have a budget set up and i am the purse holder, and i do watch every penny (well maybe not every one!)

I will use the re-useable nappies, far cheaper and good for the enviroment as well. i have thought about using the disposibles when it's convienient like if we where out all day, i would't like to carry a soiled nappy around with me!

also found out that the average cost for the first 21 years for your child is £140,000!

First year = £7,138 - the largest expense at this age is nursery furniture and equipment and child care

Years 2-5 = £39,557 - largest expense is childcare

Years 6-11 = £31,000 - largest expense is recreation and food

Years 12-18 = £33,747 - largest expense is food and clothes

Years 19-21 = £30,000 - largest expense is education


I have a food processor so will make my own baby food, just like my mum did.

For get about that saying that a child will cost you £140,000!!! You are a MSEer with the support of everyone here and your own good money spending habits and your cost will be much much less that that. I find that I spend just about £100 on my son a month which is just over the child benefit. AS you say buy your clothes second hand, in the nearly new sale with NCT http://www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/events.asp?show=nns, eBay, Primart and Tesco Value. But first get what you can from all your friends, family & colleges (I did not do this, but there are loads of people out there that you know that are more than willing to clear out their loft with baby stuff).

MUST MUST BUT NEW - Cot mattress and car seat. Buy new cot if you can't get a modern cot. Make sure that your matress fits well with less than X cms around the base (can't remember this measurement but it is important to find out this).

Feeding. Breast is best but if you can't bottle and don't kill yourself if you choose bottle or can't breast feed (like me). Weaning food (babies first food) make your own, then you save money and also know exactly what they are eating.

Nappies - Washable or order you nappies in bulk when they are discounted.

Books - Join your library now and get familiaries with it. I now don't buy any of the books and order then new from the library. Pregnancy books and baby care/development books. Plus books for your child. Also Charity shops for your child books... don't go for the damages books buy the ones that are brand new looking.

When you are buying second hand don't drop your standards.

Toys - http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0746001339/ref=pd_ir_imp/202-0712184-1172635
Get this book before you get any toys for your child as you will be supprised how easy it is to make a lot of stuff for them with will really develope their senses & entertain them.

Careful with second hand toys that are suitable for your child's age & is not damgerous (choking, sucking on plastic product that has PVC)http://www.foe.co.uk/resource/factsheets/survey_childrens_brands.html


Ikea!!! Great style, prices & very very environmentally friendly (chemicals etc)
http://www.ikea.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?storeId=7&langId=-20&catalogId=10103&cattype=top&identifier=00010_irwtree003

Social life. Yes if you work at it you can have a better social life after your child. Find out about local (yes go for the local ones first) Church/nursery/.. baby & toddler groups. They are usually only a couple of pounds to attend. You & your child will need some outside stimulation & support... usually run by volunteers and is usually a large room with lots of toys with one area for babys and other areas with other sorts of toys. Some have slides etc.

Social life. Also find about local mother /baby/toddler classes that you can attend... cost from £3-£8 (these are run by professionals and have a themed activity.. Baby-sign, music, painting, physical play etc..) The best place to find out about these things is to contact your local coucil, NCT and Netmums.

Even if you are going back to work having contact (friends & family locally) will really help especially if they also have children of a similar age to your child. You can support each other and you will need to be able to have access to many other people that you can get help/support/friendship/playmate for your child. Getting this will greatly reduce your cost in all areas.

Nursery furniture. Best to have child in your bedroom (cot death) for first year. Also don't decorate their nursery just give in a basic plain colour and wait until your child will really appriciate it when they ar over two and you can then decorate it properly in what ever they are into. Otherwise you will put fluffy teddies and baby stuff only to have to change it all for your growing 2-3year old. I did not buy any nursery furniture except a cot & carry cot (which came with the pram that I was given).

If you have any time you can do a photography course and then take great pictures of your child all the time without having to rely on those expensive photographers.. who can't be there with you all the time when you want to capture the moment. You will be so supprised just how much picture you will want and will take of him/her.

When you've finished with all your stuff sell it at the NCT or Ebay then it will be like you got your stuff for free as you will probably sell it at the price you got it at.

Don't be fooled by the shops & many people into thinking that you need all sorts of stuff & toys or don't need stuff/toys for your child. The shops only want to sell you something and others are tell you from their own point of view (like me).. so listen but decide for yourself what you want/need or don't want/need.

If you have not got a clue about what is worth getting, why you need XYZ and what they do? Then http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0852029896/ref=pd_ir_imp/202-0712184-1172635
But remember get this from the library.




Buying for children is like anything else you can spend as little or as much as you want.

You are wise to think about his thing now before as the more you sort out before the better prepared you are. Well done.

regard
HappySad

(Sorry if I am saying what you should and shouldn't do. THis is how I talk I remember that all this is only my own opinion)

Just read Ginghan Ribbon's tread and I am now adding...
I too used to go to those expensive baby/toddler professional groups. I don't go to them now because I have found alternatives like the church groups & local nursery that runs play groups with activities all for under £1. I would say that it is worth attending a few different ones as you as a parent get to learn what sort of things to do with your child (good for those have not got a clue parents... like me). I did baby-signing(for 3terms), tumble tots (once), gymboree(free session), monkeymusic(free session) which I enjoyed; but now I know what to do myself and would not go with my second child but do it myself.

Also get shoes properly fitted somewhere like Clarks, JohnLewis... See if you can arrange for someone to train a few mothers/fathers to properly fit the shoes. My local nursery is going to do this. Then you can get shoes from anywhere and you can fit it yourself.

I now spend less now than before my son was born. I cook many of my dishes from scratch. Started doing this after my son was born. Shop in 4supermarket & online (using vouchers & free delivery offers).

As the others say you can spend a lot servicing your work life which many don't take into account for (work clothes/shoes/make-up..lunches etc... as already mentioned). I would say use this baby free time to look at your finances.. do the MSE budget planner (can't remember what it is exactly called) and look at everything and remove it or reduce it cost to you. Save as much as you can so that you can at least take off the full year in maternity leave ... I now a few mums who had to return early because they had no savings. If you can live of a lower income.. but it is only when your child is born that you will find that you don't want to and don't have the time to go out everywhere.

Infact having a child can cost you nothing. If you are not going out all the time, clubs/meals/gym. spending your money on DVDs/CDs/books/latest clothes/readymeals/latest gadget/shoes (you know what I mean ladies)/car (men area mainly) & transport/etc.. you might find that you are spending less money.

Has anyone else found this the case?

SammyD_2

HappySad wrote:

Infact having a child can cost you nothing. If you are not going out all the time, clubs/meals/gym. spending your money on DVDs/CDs/books/latest clothes/readymeals/latest gadget/shoes (you know what I mean ladies)/car (men area mainly) & transport/etc.. you might find that you are spending less money.

Has anyone else found this the case?

Absolutely agree that you do save money in lots of areas. We seldom go out for lunch now (just the odd pizza express meal with the children), never go out for dinner, alcohol consumption went to zero when pregnant and breastfeeding, and a massive saving on travel - we used to go on holidays reasonably frequently, but now with a baby and a two year old it is easier just to do day trips.

Also, when I went back to work the last thing I wanted to do was go out with colleagues for drinks/dinner etc as I just wanted to get home as fast as possible for the kids. And when on maternity leave - no wear and tear on the suits etc that were my work clothes (fitting back into them is another matter!).

And we spend more time with friends doing at home kid orientated things than with our single friends who are still splashing money round. If you can meet a few people at an antenatal/post natal group it is a great form of cheap entertainment - everyone is in the same boat and group trips to the park with a ball and a cheap picnic cost virtually nothing but are loads of fun.

code-a-holic

I have 3 children. 3 and a half, 13mths and 6wks. And we are better off finacially now than when we were a full time working couple, and im a full time stay at home mum! Probably because i now get incapacity benefit and dla but that is not far off my income if i was working.
My eldest 2 are boys so when we found out the 3 rd was going to be a girl i panicked about the new clothes we would need. But i was lucky - i once arrived at red cross charity shop and saw a memebr of staff rumaging through a bag of pink. I bought the lot, which was 80% next, newborn to 6mths. A full collection - for £5.00. I havnt needed to buy anything else
Babies dont have to be expensive!!!
I find the biggest expensive to be baby milk (unfortunatly my milk always dries up at 3 weeks). As a MSE'r you will find ways of cutting costs without going without.
Due to a boots glitch recently i got enough huggies nappies to last my 2 babies for about 6 mths - maybe more!
Good Luck - Im planning on doubling my brood in the future - babies are great!

conradmum

Just to say I've been saddened to read of the instances of women having to give up breastfeeding and I would just like to reiterate my earlier advice of making sure you've accessed all possible support before giving up, if it comes to this. Breastfeeding isn't easy for many, many women and there are many factors working against us on this issue.

jo_b_2

Lillibet wrote:

The other cost which I hadn't thougth about until recently is the cost of activites whilst you are at home. Mother & toddler groups can cost anything from £1-£5 per visit, baby gym groups like tumble tots are upwards of £5 per class, baby signing & baby music classes are around £4 per class etc.

If you live within a SureStart area, you might be able to access a lot of these activities for free or a very low cost.

Also check out the services and groups recommended by your midwife or Health Visitor. My Health Visitor ran weekly Baby Massage classes which were totally free of charge and a nice way to meet new mums.

I would also vouch for the NCT as an excellent source of support, both pre- and post-birth.

I would recommend attending Pre-Natal classes. These are a lovely way of extending your social network and help to reduce the need to pay out for special classes after your baby is born.

Good luck!

SammyD_2

conradmum wrote:

Just to say I've been saddened to read of the instances of women having to give up breastfeeding and I would just like to reiterate my earlier advice of making sure you've accessed all possible support before giving up, if it comes to this. Breastfeeding isn't easy for many, many women and there are many factors working against us on this issue.

Great advice. I breastfed my first baby relatively easily, second baby was a total nightmare initially to breastfeed. Endless unhelpful advice but finally struck gold with one fantastic midwife who kept in contact with me for the first 28 days. It was really really hard to get my daughter to feed, (picture major tears, hours and hours of trying etc etc and many calls to the hopeless hospital where she was born) but now, five months later, I am so pleased I stuck with it...I have a lot of friends who had trouble breastfeeding who with a bit more support and the right specialist advice could probably have got things back on track.

Apart from the money saving and the health issues, breastfeeding makes life so much easier...nicer nappy changes, no constipation worries, no need to supplement with water, no worries about how often she feeds, we can just pick up a nappy and wipes and we can be off...

Don't be conned into thinking you need all the paraphenalia they try to sell you for breastfeeding like breast pumps etc - you might want that later, but you just need decent food and as much sleep as you can get!

Karnam

here here sammy. i hate that women give up so easily. i had pure hell when i was learning, and we mean baby blues triggered by this, not wanting to hold the baby for fear of having to try again, letting her cry for a good few mins before i could work up the courage to do it again etc. yes it was hard but its worth it in the end.

im not sure i agree about the breast pump though. if you look on mothercare, there's an avent set that has been my godsend, has bottles in case you cant BF, but also has breast pump etc. etc. i adore my breast pump and now have an electric one, a luxury yes, but gives you a good 4 or 5 hours nipple relief!

code-a-holic

Karnam wrote:

here here sammy. i hate that women give up so easily. i had pure hell when i was learning, and we mean baby blues triggered by this, not wanting to hold the baby for fear of having to try again, letting her cry for a good few mins before i could work up the courage to do it again etc. yes it was hard but its worth it in the end.

Not sure how you came up with the conclusion that women posting on this thread had given up easily. Certainly wasnt like that for me. Yes i gave up at 3 weeks with each of the children - but i tried damn hard. Each time i was forced by doctors to feed my babies formula as they were losing pounds of weight before thye hit 3 weeks old. I would be admittied to hopital after a week for help to get it working but my milk was tested and it has no content of benefit to a baby whatsoever. The results of these tests sent me in to depression - feeling i failed as a mother. Women are made to feel so guilty for having to give up breastfeeding. On a site like this when no one knows eachothers history it is sometimes best to avoid such personal and almost offensive remarks.

I apologise for posting where it has no relelvance to the original topic - but felt i had to reply to that post.
Once again - best wishes with the new baby!

pickle

I think that society has so many judgements and expectations of mothers and mothers internalise this. I think the breastfeeding issue has become an almost moralistic cause from both points of view. You're a bad mother if you don't and if you do it in public you're putting yourself "on display". Noone wins. I see it as a more pragmatic thing - you either can or you can't (although I haven't been there yet and I'm worried how painful it will be). I'd ideally like to breastfeed because of the obvious benefits but my mother didn't. I don't think it's made any difference that she didn't. I don't think anyone should feel guilty for whatever decision they make in this regard and I'm sure that noone would say that you hadn't tried every avenue. It sounds like you endured a lot before having to decide on formula. It wasn't really a decision on your part by the sound of it, it sounds that it was necessity really. Not that that should be the only justifiable reason to decide not to breastfeed. I also think it depends what area you are in and how much help is available.

mattt44

I'm quite annoyed about people talking about women giving up breastfeeding.
I'm male, my OH tried very hard to BF, many times I held her crying because it hurt so much and she felt useless. I don't like this attitude of forcing women to BF basically by guilt.
In the end she managed it, but only with the help of the midwife i think, who came round to the house a few times, the doctors were no help at all and said she must be doing something wrong.
Sorry I didn't want to get on my high horse, but I remember the suffering she went through and I suppose I did as well, feeling totally useless, knowing I couldn't help apart from holding her hand. If she hadn't have managed it, I suppose she would have been one of your ladies who gave up so easily.
Unless you have been through a really difficult BF tryout, you don't know.