Mummy to a one-year-old overnight!

gairlochgal

Just wanted to join in all the congratulations.

I have a friend who adopted two little boys as a single dad - a bit older than yours. He said the main thing was the suddenness of the responsibility. Where birth parents get the tiny infant with which to build up experience, adoptive parents get the first cough, the first throwing up, the first screaming tantrum etc without all the rehearsal time.

It's such a good thing to do. My friends' boys have been with him about 4 years and all is great. Please do use these boards for advice when you get her.

SJ1

Wishing you great joy and happiness here is a list of what I think you need

- car seat
- buggy (try McClaren umbrella style - £65 from Mothercare)
- try resusable nappies - very good and local councils sometimes provide a pack for free. You do save with these although read up on them first as you need other equip like a bucket and special powder to wash. I found them great for my little boy - skinny legs, useless for my little girl - chunky legs! Do invest in some reusables for nighttime as they do soak up better.
- cot and fitted sheets - try sleeping bags for your little one, no worries of blankets over heads etc
- try local library for books for her and also for Annabel Karmel books for baby food - you will need a little stock and can make much more cheaply that you can buy = better for her too. Pots to freeze in can be bought cheaply from Sains/Mothercare - don't forget labels! The number of time I defrosted something and realised after it was something completely different - usually fish!
- clothes - try Primark, Next, Mothercare or Hennes all very good value and sale times. Remember that you need to buy according to what age they will be then. Its so easy to buy a lovely winter outfit that's really cheap and then realise that it will be August when it fits them! I have done this!
- Ask foster parents about what milk she has and buy the same one and a few bottles - if you have a dishwasher then you get a special holder you can put them in to wash them - they don't need sterilised when you child is over 1.
- don't overload on toys and books - try the local library and toy library, get a copy of grapevine or another parenting mag - these are free usually at children centres and tell you what is happening in your community.
- join a mother and toddler group = you will need friends with children - Music Bus and Swimming are also classic ways to make friends and quickly.

Try freecycle for free stuff from parents and car boots can be great too. Ask your council what they can do for you = some provide grants.

Lastly enjoy yourself, don't be too hard on yourself. Children are extremely odd sometimes - my little girl had a tantrum the other day when I cut her ice cream up - how do you reason with that!!! YOu will have good days and bad. Children are an absolute joy and I love mine to bits. They will also drive you nuts occasionally! All goes with the territory. Remember to make some time for you too - its important to still feel like you even though you are now a mummy!

I would recommend a routine - 7am up. 12 noon lunch, then sleep, 6pm dinner, 7pm bath and 7.30pm bed. Children love knowing where they are. Don't forget to tell her everything you are going to do before you do it when she first comes home. I did this from mine were babies and they like to know what is happening next and it makes them really secure.

Have fun, don't forget that lots of love is the most important thing of all. Cuddles, kisses and laughs - family life! Post and tell us how you get on.

SJ1

Calpol - essential to bring temperatures down and an ear thermometer which will tell you in 2 seconds whether they are too hot or not.

Also meant to type to use disposable nappies for nighttime - these soak up better. Not reusables like I wrote!

S

tsstss7

Jillinoz wrote: »

Well, not quite overnight! But after two years of navigating my way through the UK adoption system I should, fingers crossed, become a first-time Mummy to a one-year-old little girl early in 2009. My daughter, whom I have not yet met, celebrates her first birthday this month and is of average weight and height.

Without wishing to jinx the process, which always the potential to disappoiint, I would like to start some tentative planning for the arrival of my bundle of joy.

As a complete novice, I would like to ask Mums & Dads of tots what equipment you think is most necessary for a baby of this age, what not to buy and any tips on how best to save money while kitting out my new family.

Just to give some background: I am adopting as a single parent and am self-employed so will not qualify for any 'maternity' allowances from an employer. My local authority does not give any adoption grants and there are no 'payments' for becoming an adoptive parent, unlike foster carers.

I have budgeted for taking three years out of work and existing on savings (plus handouts from the proud grandparents-to-be ) and while I consider myself extremely fortunate to be able to do this, I would like to stretch my money as far as I can.

Thanks in anticipation for all your good advice and tips. :T

Jillinoz

Hi Jillinoz

I've not seen it mentioned so I'd like to say that if you haven't already got a buggy in this situation I'd recommend you get a reversable seat pushchair where you can seat baby looking towards you or away. I have the loola which is VERY heavy but I can't replace because nothing beats being able to chat to your bubs when you go out for a walk. There are probably nicer versions out now as my loola is already outdated.

Hopefully this will help her be reassured of your continued presence as I would imagine a baby that has been taken from it's mother at birth and then taken again from a foster carer may feel a tad disconnected....hopefully something like this would help with the bonding process. The sling recommended earlier is also a good idea but if your adopted dd is anything like my LO carrying will not be an easy option.

Aside from that I think you will find that you will have bypassed the need for special baby food - my ds is on normal food now (at 13mths - minus salt and E numbers if poss) which I cut up nice and small and don't mind too much if it doesn't get eaten. You could probably also progress to a booster seat on a chair at the table instead of a high chair.

Mollymop5

What alovely thread.I am so happy for you.What a wonderful thing to do for a child.You have received some great advice on here and I would echo what others have said.
I hope everything works out for you both.As for making your money stretch further there are some great threads on this site but one I feel that may be benefititial to you is
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1188729

There are great tips and wonderful people on that thread.

The Grocery challenge is another one to check out

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1319693&highlight=grocery+challenge

I will enjoy following this thread.Keep us up to date please

Loopy_Lobes

Congratulations! you are in for a wonderful time, my youngest is 22 months now, they are so wonderful and full of life and love, you'll be knackered most of the time but it's soooo worth it!

You've got some great ideas above, have skimmed through and I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned Toy Libraries? They work just like Book Libraries and are great for children of this age who can be fickle and love something one day and be bored of it the next. There should be one nearby, you can get details from your Health Visitor or from your local Children's Information Service http://www.childcarelink.gov.uk/ and talking of Book Libraries they are great for Baby books and don't mind if they get chewed, they often have toys in the Childrens section and it's a nice way to spend some time. They also do singing sessions at most of them which are all free.

Also, do you have a Sure Start Centre near you? http://www.surestart.gov.uk/ they do toddler groups etc which are great for both of you to socialise! It's wonderful to see them making little friends and it's soooo nice to chat to other mums. Mine also does courses for parents which are invaluable and they run creches at the same time so childcare isn't a problem.

The very best of luck to you, I'm looking forward to hearing how you are getting on.

SunnyGirl

Congratulations to both you and your new daughter!

I've not been on this board before (usually on Old Style) so what a lovely thread to start with.

I'm a mum to 3 (16, 14 & 10 now) so would echo what everyone lese has been saying regarding toys, clothes etc they need your time, love & attention more than anything else in the world. I also did well with routines and telling the children what was going to be happening before hand. We still do this now whilst we are having breakfast - we fill each other in on plans for the day - and it works well. Everyone knows where they're up to.

A book I found invaluable was Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Greene. It covers from aged 1 to age 8 and just about any situation you'll find yourself in from shy, withdrawn children to children who terrorise playgroups and what to do in most situations.

Good luck. Listen to your instincts with your little one they will very quickly kick in. You are her Mum and will know what is best for her.

Big hugs.

gairlochgal

Check out tripp trapp chairs. Bit expensive to start with but see them right through. My girls are 8 and 11 and their chairs are still going strong.

jimjams_mommy

My tip is get to know your health visitor, your gp would let you know your local one, I found mine helpfull as a first time mom just teling me I was doing ok when I had no confidence.

Find out local toddler groups to get to know other moms in the local area.

I also have my gp out of hours number taped to my fridge saving the mad hunt at night time looking for a pen to write the number down. I also have written down what a high temputure is for my son.

Talk to her foster parents as they will give you a heads up. And enjoy. It will be hard but it is worth it and children don't come with manuals! well I didn't get one lol

good luckx

natxxx1

Hi Congratulations
There is a site I use called netmums, they have for sale boards and also one that gives away stuff in a similar way to frecyle, but they also have loads of information about resources and activities in your area.
Hope this helps x