Mummy to a one-year-old overnight!

dora37

Just wante to say congratulations and good luck ....roll on 2009!:j :T

izoomzoom

I just wanted to say a huge congratulations :j and as a mum to a 13 month old, I would say that cuddles :grouphug: will be the most important thing. This little girl will be unsettled and lots of tlc is what she will need most.

A few toys will be better than lots, as babies can get 'daunted' by the huge choice. If you can get some word from the foster parents about her favourites, that would be helpful, but less toys and more of cuddles is my advise.

Others have made valid comments re bedding, feeding and transport safety items etc.

Good luck and fingers crossed xx

(and come back and tell us what happens ... please)

LydiaJ

vaio wrote: »

When this baby grows up its life & memories are going to be comprised of less than a year with parent(s) who, for whatever reason, didn’t want her, some time with foster parents and 17 years in the loving family that the OP is going to provide.

Given their track record I’d be very suspicious of following anything that social services “extremely encourage” and in any event I don’t think that adoptive parents can get anything other than very general info about the birth parents. The child can but only when she is 18.

Very best for the future OP, I’d suggest you print out and keep read wannabe sybil’s & Hayley’s posts above, I think they’ve got it absolutely spot on.

You don't know that they didn't want her. Children end up being available for adoption for a variety of reasons, not all of them voluntary.

The great majority of adopted children grow up thinking of their adopted parents as "mum" and/or "dad" but many of them feel curious about their birth parents and want to know about them. It's important for adoptive parents to be able to give that information when the children want it, or even better to have a simplified version of the info "on the table" from the beginning, so the children never have the feeling that it's some kind of big secret. But social services always provide that sort of info to adopters anyway, so the OP will get it.

Anyway, rant over.

Congratulations Jillinoz. My advice is to join some kind of mother/carer and toddler group - try community centres and churches etc to find some near you. Join more than one if they're available. Make friends with others whose kids are the same age as yours (for peer group support) and some whose kids are just a bit older than yours (for advice, and especially for cast-off clothes). Also see if there's some kind of support group for adoptive parents - adopted kids have extra issues that parents who've had birth children don't always know about.

Parenting, especially single parenting, is hard work and can be quite isolating at times, which is why you need friends, but it's amazingly rewarding, and I hope everything goes ahead smoothly for you to get your lovely daughter very soon.

Lydia

msb5262

Congratulations! This is such lovely news - you must be really excited.
You've had some excellent suggestions upthread about safety stuff, bedding, toys etc all of which I would echo...I would spend what money there is left on books, although no doubt you'll be using your local library. You might be able to use the library to find out which are going to be real favourites before you invest in many books; some books were really attractive to me but did nothing for my children! The librarians may well have some suggestions for you. If you can cuddle your new DD and share a book with her as often as possible, you will be doing a great deal for both of you.
Also it might be worth getting some music CDs especially for young children; my favourite was called PLAYSONGS by Sandra Kerr and others. It included lovely songs for you to sing with your child and featured lots of traditional instruments - sounds awful I know, but was great.
Wishing you lots of luck and many happy times,
MsB.

pottsy_79

vaio wrote: »

When this baby grows up its life & memories are going to be comprised of less than a year with parent(s) who, for whatever reason, didn’t want her, some time with foster parents and 17 years in the loving family that the OP is going to provide.

Given their track record I’d be very suspicious of following anything that social services “extremely encourage” and in any event I don’t think that adoptive parents can get anything other than very general info about the birth parents. The child can but only when she is 18.

Very best for the future OP, I’d suggest you print out and keep read wannabe sybil’s & Hayley’s posts above, I think they’ve got it absolutely spot on.

Congratulations to both of you, and good luck for the times ahead. I have a 16 month old to whom baby gates and safety precautions mean nothing, he has worked out how to open the gates, and then close them after him!

As an adoptee (if that is the right name) I was given a 'memories' book put together by my social worker. I was only 2 when I was adopted but the pictures and memories in the book went back to the time when my birth mother was a child and it gave me some brief history when I was a bit older about my mother and her family. I still have some of the photos in amongst my 'family' photos, although I don't want anything to do with my birth family and love my adoptive parents to bit. The main photos I kept were the ones when I was born and up to 18 months old of me and my birth mother. I think it is important not to keep things secret from children in these situations and let them make the decision of what they want to do when they get older. I am now nearly 28 and feel that it was the right thing for me to be adopted and my adoptive parents are happy and willing to give me any information I want about my birth mother. You must also remember that now a days the child can go to social services anyway quite easily to get the information, so best to be honest from the start.:A

Spicey

Congratulations. As a grandmother I would say, that you can buy them as many toys as you like, but what most children want is your attention. Play with her, read to her and most of all cuddles. Alot of naughty children are just crying out for attention and in this busy world we live in time is precious. Children are more precious.

Oldernotwiser

Jillinoz wrote: »

out my new family.

Just to give some background: I am adopting as a single parent and am self-employed so will not qualify for any 'maternity' allowances from an employer. My local authority does not give any adoption grants and there are no 'payments' for becoming an adoptive parent, unlike foster carers.

When we were adopting we were told that there were payments available for adoptive parents on low incomes, of course, if you have substantial savings this may not be the case. Good luck.

Loz01

Just wanted to say good luck :j and congratulations on giving a little person a loving home and more stable future

mum26

Congratulations!

do you think you might be able to get a sure start grant?

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/DG_10018854

I don't know very much about the adoption process and I know your little one is approaching her first birthday, but it might be worth a look into?

fsdss

congratulations on your forth coming mummyness!

the most important thing you need of course is your time, attention and devotion, which i am sure is there anyway! (bet your dreaming of her already!;) imagining her with her cute babygrows etc)
anyway serious stuff - safety things such as stairgates are important as is rearranging your cupboards (as she will empty them) unless you intend to put in locks. making your rooms baby safe (covering radiators, removing wires, putting in fireguards).

at this age a baby will use furniture to stand up against and move along - make sure that everything is sturdy enough for her to do that.

a cot to sleep in, a selection of toys (usually find these in charity shops), use the library for books for her, a pushchair and car seat, highchair, calpol, teething gel, nail clippers, some bottles if she is still using them (find out which ones though as they differ).

doesn't need - baby milk formula (full fat will do), baby foods (jars packets etc).

there are adoption allowances - social services in my area are notoriously tight with them and only give them out for hard to place children - your social worker should know about grants etc that you can apply for. one thing she will get is the maximum childrens bonds (£500) as she is classed as a looked after child.

the most important advice i can give you is to make sure that you devote the time to bond with each other, to completely empower her trust with you, to make her feel confident and respect herself. Attachment is the most important process in everyones lives, it forms our first social experiences and helps us to negotiate the world around us. She has already had at least 2 attachments broken by the time she gets to you 1- with birthmother and 2 - foster carer and from those experiences (from whatever age and even at birth - this will affect her) so lots of positive praise encouragement, cuddles and reassurance.

good luck and the very best wishes to both you and your very special little girl.