Problem with teenager and benefits

panicmerchant

My oldest teen is 17, 18 in April, and I just found out that she's dropped out of college. She did this previously when living with her father but is back with me at the present time.
There's a few problems with this. I am on income support and get local housing allowance for me, her and her younger sister who's 15. I'm in the middle of claiming for Incapacity and DLA due to a long-term illness that's showing no signs of improving so not able to work. Even this is on hold right now due to ill-health of myself and younger daughter.

I am now not legally allowed to claim income support/child tax credit/child benefit for the oldest as she's flunked the college which, as a private tenant in an expensive city, leaves me particularly stuck when I have to go and declare it before I get done for fraud. We will not be able to live here if this happens, we'll be made homeless and I don't know if they're going to take any excess rent payments or benefits away from me that may have been overpaid. I do not have savings and I have no way of getting any finances sorted out to fix any damage. Even if I've not been overpaid, we won't be able to cover the rent with the diminished housing allowance that I will get. I won't be able to afford to pay for all three of us and I won't be able to afford bills.

Daughter will not get off her backside and get a job, I'm in no state to even bully her into it, she's got plans to try another college course in the new year but as she's now quit two, I don't hold out any hopes for her getting far on this one.

What are our options? Can she claim job-seekers allowance and her own housing benefits for here even though I'm her parent? I haven't any way of being able to afford to keep her and I can't throw her out on the streets. She can't go back to her father as he has alcohol problems and it's not a suitable place for a young lady to live.

Conor_3

She won't get JSA. She can't get housing benefit as you're the tenant, not her. At best she can go to Connexions and she may be able to get EMA continued which would get you CTB and CTC and LHA continued.

If not it's tell her to get a job or sod off.

panicmerchant

She never even claimed EMA when she was in college. I filled out all the forms on her behalf and she never took them in. I'm verging on the "sod off" theory which still doesn't particularly help.
I realise I shouldn't be relying on her for being able to keep my home, it feels slightly unfair to put that onus on her but seeing as she does nothing to help herself or do anything around the house it's me doing her the favour of allowing her to freeload. Which I can't afford to do now she's dropped out of college. *sigh*

LilacPixie

I think you may have to 'get tough' As you daughter dropped out of college it will have to be a case of telling her ' i have lost xxx in tax credits and gained xxx in a council tax bill. I therefore need you to contribute xxx a week to stay here.

Your daughter is 17 and is pretty much an adult therefore she needs to learn to behave like an adult and support herself if she has left full time study.

cw18

I agree with the "get tough" attitude.

My elder son had continually bunked off secondary school and refused to turn in homework. When he announced he wanted to go to college he was given three choices

1. go to college, attend all classes, do all work, and we'll support you
2. get a job, stay living here, but pay your way
3. stay living here without a job, but pay your way by running the house (DH & I both worked full time and his younger brother was starting his GCSE work)

He went for option 1, but by the end of October we were getting reports of him missing so much college they wanted to push him off the course. I convinced them to give him another chance, and at the same time told him he had to respect home and us (he'd go out Friday morning and come home late Sunday night, with no contact at all, and expect a meal to be waiting for him). When this didn't happen he came home about a week before Christmas to be met at the door with a black bin bag of clothes, and I sent him packing.

After initially moving in with parents of a school friend, problems there saw him "ejected" from another house within months and he ended up in DSS hostels. At this point he saw where his life was heading and started to make contact with us for help shopping (to make his money stretch) and such. He also decided he didn't want to stay in a hostel for the rest of his life, so after a look around he asked me to sign forms so he could join the Army (he was under 18 so needed parental consent). As this was something he'd often talked about doing I signed without any problem.

He's now been in the forces for almost 21 months, and to say he's grown up is an understatement. Everyone who knew him before comments on the change, and says what a lovely person he now is.

Yes I felt guilty at throwing him out (he was 3 months short of 17 when I did that), and at times felt a total failure as a mother. But the whole family was about to fall apart because of the bicking over him, and I was coming close to collapsing with trying to hold everything together, pacify everyone and work full time. I'm now really pleased I had the strength to put his younger brother first and think of myself and my DH, and he's since told me a couple of times that he understands why I did what I did, and that he doesn't hold it against me.

Fran

panicmerchant wrote: »

I'm in the middle of claiming for Incapacity and DLA due to a long-term illness that's showing no signs of improving so not able to work. Even this is on hold right now due to ill-health of myself and younger daughter.

She can't go back to her father as he has alcohol problems and it's not a suitable place for a young lady to live.

One increase in income you can do something about is your claims for IB and DLA. Contact Citizens Advice or other welfare benefits advisors in your area for help filling in the forms. You might be able to get a home visit for this if you have difficulty getting out.

I don't think throwing her out is a helpful option at such a young age where she could end up in contact with all sorts of bad influences. She is probably feeling lost herself with parents not well... have you talked to her about your and other daughter's health and her father's alcohol problems and how her input could help improve things?

robin_banks

Throwing her out is a vaible option, she is likely to end up homeless.

robin_banks

Sorry I meant to say ;

Throwing her out is NOT a vaible option, she is likely to end up homeless.

oops.

Oldernotwiser

If the daughter registers with Connexions the OP will be able to claim CB Extension for (I think ) 4 months. Connexions will also encourage her to return to education or get a job and therefore support what the OP wants for her.

OP, you need to get this sort of backup with this problem or else the situation will just spiral further downwards. It's one of the roles of Connexions to support young people in this situation and she'll get a Personal Advisor who may be able to get through to her where you can't.

tom9980

I agree with Oldernotwiser and CW18 you need really need to get her to connexions first then talk to her and give her 2-5 options and the consequences of not following her chosen direction through as you would like.

Most likely she will moan at you or guilt trip you in some way to try and make you give in and let her do what she wants but at the end of the day you will be doing her a massive favor. Parents that are too soft cause their kids a lot of problems in later years and ultimatley themselfs as they have to help them sort out the mess.

Conor_3

tom9980 wrote: »

Parents that are too soft cause their kids a lot of problems in later years and ultimatley themselfs as they have to help them sort out the mess.

Indeed. I've been telling my son since he was 10 that he's out the door when he's 18 either to a flat on his own or to university and that the money we've been squirrelling away in a savings account for him is for that purpose. He's not quite sure how serious I am, especially as he knows my parents charged me rent from the time I left school. I won't but he's fully aware of how the world works as it's been drilled into him that to have things and pay for them, you have to work for them. He wanted a Wii so he worked through summer to pay for it. He loves fishing and does odd jobs for people to pay for that. Last weekend, he really made me proud. One of his friends had a laptop with a few viruses on. He brought it here, asked me how to remove them, went off and did it then charged his friend £20 for the privilege.