What have your parents taught you about money?

waterbaby

My mum flatly refused to spend hardly any money on us at all, we had what we needed (clothes, food...) but we didn't get much that wasn't essential. And anything we asked for had to be considered "We'll look in your wardrobe and see what you need".

I remember going to a 'robin hood' party, dressed in a green cardigan and green skirt, she wouldn't get me anything else, and people asked me why I wasn't dressed up.

She hated Christmas because it meant us getting things unnecessarily, and that wasn't how she wanted us to be brought up.

My friends would have money to buy things with, and they couldn't understand why I didn't! When I was at college I had £10 a week to pay for my bus fare and for lunch. (But I managed to save a little each week, and hid it on top of the wardrobe.)

Both my parents were born soon after the war, and this was evident in my dad particularly. He wouldn't waste any food. If there was mould in the jam, he scooped out the mouldy bit and ate the rest. Similarly if he had meat, he ate every piece possible - including the fat. I am vegetarian so I found this especially minging, but the concept was not lost on me and I very rarely waste food, or anything else.

My dad was good with maths and was a match for any salesman, while my mums maths is not so strong. She doesn't spend a lot, but once she has a deal she is happy with, she won't look any further.

Now I am more into it than either of them. When my mum is surprised at my behaviour (looking in Boots, Superdrug and Savers before buying a bottle of body lotion for example), I just remind her where it stems from!

Kateelizabee

waterbaby:
Similarly if he had meat, he ate every piece possible - including the fat

When we have meat, I do this. This goes back to my dad; if I left any meat on my plate, he ate it just so it wouldn't waste. We grew up poor, but he grew up poorer and was always on us about waste. It wasn't until I was married and saw my husband didn't eat the fat did I realise not everyone does. I think the reason we didn't do the mould thing was because my mom's allergic to pennecillin so it HAD to be thrown out. Now I keep loaves of bread in the freezer and take out each piece as I need it so they last longer.

I don't want to go the lengths your mother did to save money, I want to be able to spend it guilt free and enjoy it when I can, so thank you so much for your post.

ETA: My mom says I'm a better shopper than she is, she says "When I'm in a shop I'm in, I grab, and I'm out, you take your time and get more for your money." Figuring out those price per unit tags is a past-time for me

bobsa1

Asked Dh and we both agree any lessons completely negative.

His parents obsessed with being poor (although thye aren't) and have gone through life getting the cheapest of everything.

My mum has never had a clue money wise and thinks that it is greedy to know where your money goes. she "can't be bothered" to check things.

I think it has rubbed off on both of us, I'm the complete opposite of my mum and DH fears being poor!

waterbaby

Kateelizabee wrote:

I don't want to go the lengths your mother did to save money,

Economy was part of it, but to be honest I think there was a bigger issue. She is very interested in education, and so it was important to her that we didn't grow up playing with expensive electronic toys etc., which were produced for the sake of making a profit. Basically, security was about money but happiness and learning was not.

It could get a bit annoying sometimes, but the hurt and confusion in my dads eyes when he thought I had wasted my money really taught me a lesson.

For example, when I began working, he didn't like the fact that I often bought lunch from the restaurant. If he had argued with me, I would have been stubborn (it's my life etc), but the look in his eyes said far more.

And now I see that it was their instinctive reactions to my actions that taught me the most; not their words. When I disappointed them with the way I dealt with money, I hurt them, and that hurt me, and that's what shaped me, because I love them so much.

So as an adult, while I might not make the same decisions that they would, I share their basic values.

brummiebabe

My Dad taught me to have seperate accounts for different expenditure (just as Martin suggests!!) and to only buy what you can afford - don't use credit/HP etc!! It's only now that I realise just how right he is (although I HATE to admit it!!!!)

Now that we're debt free ( :j ) we're finally beginning to sort this out and have set up Standing Orders for xmas, hols, car, shopping, spending/petrol money etc into seperate accounts!!!! February 1st will be the start of 'living within our means!!) Thanks Dad x

Jet

I was brought up by my grandparents, so I learnt from a generation above. My grandad was incredibly controlling with money. He initially gave her a fixed amount of housekeeping for the food and staff wages - she only managed to survive by being frugal and managed to save a little for herself. Eventually as the years past it got to the point that she was spending more than the housekeeping money (and funding it out of her pension) and she insisted on a "rise". She used to have to keep her receipts and hand them to him at the end of the week so that he could give her the exact money down to the penny!

My Nan learnt to spend the money wisely and has taught me how to make a little go a long way.

What is so sad is that when my Nan first married my Grandad all her family were jealous, thinking she was living this luxurious life with this rich man. Little did they although she lived in a large house, she was never "allowed" to cut her hair, go out, learn to drive or have access to any of the money. She rebelled when she reached her late forties and actually started living her life the way she wanted it at least in the respect of going out with her friends, learning to drive and getting her hair cut short.

Because my Grandad was so secretive with money, I had no idea how much money it took to run a house, and when i moved out, it was a great shock how much everything cost.

I have never been one for credit (something totally alien to my family) and save for something if I want it.

Savvy_Sue

My parents never talked about money, but they were always very careful with it because I don't suppose there had ever been any spare. Now they can afford to be a little more extravagant, but they're dreadful, won't pay for taxis (neither has ever driven) yet moan about waiting for buses or being unable to get to hospital for appointments.

My boys used to think we were very poor, because our standard of living appeared to be a lot lower than most of their friends - no TV (our choice!), no foreign holidays, not spending a lot on clothes. But I suspect most of their friends' families were living beyond their means ... and I've never been willing to do that.

I now try to talk to them about how much things cost, how much I spend on food etc. Eldest now at Uni and happily living on £10 per week for food etc. But it does astonish me what they don't learn at school: how to 'read' a payslip, how credit and debit cards work, how to reconcile a bank statement etc. I mean yes, I can teach them that if they're willing to learn from me, but a lot of parents might not be able to, and not all children are willing to learn from their parents!

Kateelizabee

she was never "allowed" to cut her hair

Thanks for the interesting post, Jet!

Oddly enough, it's a law on the books in Michigan, USA (where I'm from) that a woman may not cut her hair without her husband's permission. I've never heard of it being enforced, but it is interesting that it was a) adopted as a law b) it was never repelled :shurgs:

[Deleted User]

I was born soon after the war and was quickly the oldest of 7 children. My dad worked all hours under the sun, He was a cobbler and had a small shop. Times were very lean indeed, particularly after christmas when he only took in a shilling or two. My mum made every item of clothing for us and she was always knitting. Pigs head was not an unusual meal with a large chicken at christmas. We never had any sort of take away meal, not even fish and chips. Everything was made from scratch and I believe that we ate much better than the majority today. Living then was about surviving but we were happy and well cared-for. We did not have holidays but we had a day trip every so often. In those days 60 miles was a very long way. My parents scraped together and bought a 10 year old austin 10, which my dad was able to maintain. All of us children ended up in good careers as teachers, nurses and engineers and we all own our own homes and are solvent and are all still happily married for at least 30 years. Something rubbed off on us

At the age of 11 I could use a pressure cooker and I could make a meal for 9. I remember knitting myself a dress when I was 14. Needless to say I made a lot of my children`s clothes and we made do with second hand furniture after my OH and I were married and were in our own house. We did not have credit cards or HP and we managed to cope when the mortgage rate reached 15%. At the time, with 3 children, we were living on one income and had a relatively big mortgage. I remember writing every item of expenditure down and drawing money out every week and putting it into envelopes. It was hard but eventually worth it. As time went by we moved to nicer and nicer houses and also accumulated a savings and pension pot.

The children have flown the nest and we have done our first downsize and are soon to be living off our pension and savings. It is time for us to be thinking of spending on ourselves. This again is down to parents and seeing how they would, when old, only turn the heating on when visitors were expected. That is not for us. Our IFA suggested that we make special wills and put our house into tennants in common so that we can leave the children lots of money free from IHT. No way!!! we learnt from our parents even after they were dead, to enjoy it now. There will be enough left in the pot as it is

gravitytolls

My mum taught me that saving is desirable. Especially for holidays and the like. She taught me it's ok to use credit for large items, such as cars (though ours arw always cheap old bangers anyway)or large furniture items. She taught me shop around for interest free.

She doesn't use credit cards, but she does have a store card.

My dad taught me to throw it in the pub till, and let the Missus sort out how to pay the bills and feed the family.