hanging my head in shame

worried_jim

Have just ordered "Mammuth", Gerard Depardieu looks awesome with his huge belly hanging out, a man in middle age who just couldn't give a flying you know what about his appearance- good on him.
Just ordered "Potiche" as well, Gerard Depardieu looks even bigger! Is he auditioning for the part of Mr Creosote in a Monty Python remake. Gerard I hate to say this but you had too many pies and it is time for le diet mon ami.

worried_jim

Did my first 13 hour shift on Sunday and spent a few mins looking at ice lolly to keep me motivated. I get a bit worried when ever I have extra funds on the horizon because something normally breaks to swallow up any available funds, see car and fridge issues in previous posts. I was thinking about this yesterday morning inn the bathroom just as I climbed into the shower and it stopped working. Typical I know that this is an £80 repair for an new shower cartridge as I have replaced it a few years ago. Luckily a bit of a fiddle with it and I managed to repair it so I still have one double time shift to put in the holiday fund, I don't know if my nerves can take this.
It's the first day of summer and the weather here in Brighton is shocking, it's been bad all June- another washout. Two hot weeks in April and a few days in May and that it so far this year. I am off to Leeds this afternoon for a few days work so it will be even grimmer 'op-north. When oh when will I see some evidence of this so called global warming- utter tosh. There are the fewest sunspots on the sun at present so expect a mini ice age like Britain suffered back in 1650-1850 when the Thames would freeze over in winter. We have already had two harsh winters back to back and I think that this will be a sign of things to come in the near future. I may as well save up for a set of winter tyres. Humbug.

worried_jim

The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama
was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.
"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency!
I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned
to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms
will be used up by the end of the week."

Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those
unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from
Mexico."


Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day
with this one. We'll be a laughing stock. What about the UK?"
Obama: "Okay, I'll call Cameron and tell him we need five million
condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick. That way, they'll
continue to respect us as Americans."


Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first
of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms,
10 inches long and 3 inches thick, exactly as requested... All coloured
with Union Jacks with small writing on each one:


MADE IN UK - SIZE: SMALL

chevalier

worried_jim wrote: »

The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama
was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.
"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency!
I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned
to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms
will be used up by the end of the week."

Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those
unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from
Mexico."


Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day
with this one. We'll be a laughing stock. What about the UK?"
Obama: "Okay, I'll call Cameron and tell him we need five million
condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick. That way, they'll
continue to respect us as Americans."


Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first
of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms,
10 inches long and 3 inches thick, exactly as requested... All coloured
with Union Jacks with small writing on each one:


MADE IN UK - SIZE: SMALL

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T:T:T:T:TLove it
Jim didn't you used to have a family as well. Or am I getting your mixed up with someone else?
chev

worried_jim

There are more than enough people in the world without me furthering my selfish attitude by adding to it with more to burden the planets dwindling resources.

ampersand

worried_jim wrote: »

Have just ordered "Mammuth", Gerard Depardieu looks awesome with his huge belly hanging out, a man in middle age who just couldn't give a flying you know what about his appearance- good on him.
Just ordered "Potiche" as well, Gerard Depardieu looks even bigger! Is he auditioning for the part of Mr Creosote in a Monty Python remake. Gerard I hate to say this but you had too many pies and it is time for le diet mon ami.

###########
Just catching up a bit, Jim.
He put the weight on for these rôles - c'est qu'on dit;)!
Remember too what a barrel-chested gar he is.
I'm sure you will love both, but report back.

Well done on shower fix and yes, some summer please.
Have just finished packing and roping car and trailer for big antiques fair demain. Off at 2.30am-ish.

Rather than wish me luck, please just wish us no more rain. I couldn't bear it.

worried_jim

I agree- I am sick of the rain, but I believe we have 60 years of sh1te summers ahead and maybe a hundred years of frozen winters (the last two have been a taste of things to come) as there a the fewest sun spots on the suns surface than at any other time from the 16th to the 19th centuries which was known as the the mini ice age and Earth could be entering a similar period again in the next ten years. Expect to start to see the Thames freezing over it gets really bad
Little Ice Age- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Ice_Age

The Frozen River Thames 1677


The Sun appears to be headed into a lengthy spell of low activity, which could mean that the Earth – far from facing a global warming problem – is actually headed into a mini Ice Age. - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/06/14/ice_age/

So don't worry about Carbon heating up the Earth and turn on the gas as you'll need more of it to keep warm and more foreign holidays to escape the wet cool summers the UK can expect for the next 100 years. Now might be a good time to snap up a bargain home in Greece or Portugal as you may need it soon. Looks like British Gas have done their homework this week with an 18% increase in prices- good news for BG shareholders, increased demand and increased prices mean increased profits, the perfect business model. I salute you robbing bast*rds!

chevalier

Ah I know what I have done, I have mixed you up with Norfolk Jim. Sorry. Hope that you continue to progress with the budgetting and debt busting
chev

worried_jim

Norfolk Jim! Trademark infringement- call the lawyers.

Has anybody started watching "the killing" on four? I missed it when it was shown on BBC4 as the original "Forbrydelsen" but I know it had many fans but the new U.S. version is fantastic, I've seen four episodes so far and am absolutely hooked- brilliant tv.

worried_jim

Have taken the week off work and so far it has rained every day, just like the the last four years of UK holidays that I have had, although did get to spend a delightful morning and early afternoon in the glorious Brighton sunshine down the beach yesterday, so not all bad. Finished work last Friday at 8pm and it started raining at 8.01pm. Rained so hard on Saturday that I got in the car and drove to Leicester to visit the folks- haven't seen them since last August. Saved money on the trip as I used my home made fuel so drove there and back for grand total of £4 (1x bag filter for the old oil and 2 litres of petrol to thin the waste vegetable oil out a little bit). Went to the pub with sister on Sunday at 12.30pm and returned at 8pm £50 lighter and absolutely bladdered. Oh, it was p1ssing down in Leicester as well. Was raining so hard on Monday I came home Monday night, I thought if I am going to get rained on constantly I may as well do it at home, at least it will be warm rain.
As it has been raining a lot, have I mentioned this already, I have now finished the Killing and it was brilliant. I loved how in every episode you were so sure that this weeks suspect was the killer only to find out in the next show it had moved on to someone else. I can't wait for season two. Have got episode one of season four of the superb Breaking Bad to see today- if it rains, and episode 4 of season 4 of True Blood which as usual is dark, sexy, moody and brilliant.
Although the p1ss poor British summer has been a let down again for me I don't mind that much as I know come September I will be leaving these cold wet windy dull shores for the sunnier climate of the Med or Red Sea- it's the only thing that keeps me sane at the moment.

My best friend is pregnant again. She found out at the weekend and is overjoyed but upset as she had planned to go out on big session on Saturday and had just started to enjoy cigarettes again after quitting for the first pregnancy last year. I love winding her up about the smoking although we both know its bad, especially her as a healthcare professional but she says "I love them", I can think of just two people who do look good smoking, her and Keith Richards. She stopped smoking and drinking the moment she found out last Saturday and is already looking forward to March next year for three things- the birth of an new child, a pint of Fosters top and a B&H. Class.