thinking of going to counselling-should I tell OH?

Morglin

I would go - there are times when we all need our privcay and a chance to chat to someone other than our spouse.

I've got a brilliant long term mate who I can always talk to, and my DH is happy for me to have an 'unload' to her without being involved - we all need personal space, however much you are in love.

You are trying to protect her, and that's to be applauded, so I would go for it.

Lin

littlemissmoney

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

thing is, your beloved isn't daft, and probably knows you've got problems, separate from her problems, and she might be jolly glad to think you were getting help with your problems even if hers didn't seem very resolvable right now.

I totally agree. If you are getting counselling then she will probably feel that's one less thing for her to worry about! Tell her, but in a "I'm doing something proactive about this problem, so there is no need to worry" way.

bestpud

Firstly, you can't compare your problems with those of others as it is all subjective and there are too many variables.

Secondly, if something is causing you ongoing distress then it is not too small for counselling.

Lastly, I think it is a good idea to have an initial session and take it from there. You will be able to discuss how to tell your wife, and may even decide it is better not to.
I wouldn't usually advocate keeping secrets but there are good reasons why it may be harmful to tell her before you've had a chance to clear your head.

Her initial reaction may well be that you are talking about her and the counsellor will help you plan for this kind of question from her. I think it is the lack of knowing what they may be disucssing that makes partners feel awkward tbh. Once you have had a session or two, you may be in a position to talk with her about it and perhaps she will see it is a good thing?

Plus, what it you told her and then found counselling is not for you anyway?

Don't fall into the trap of thinking one of you is more important than the other in your relationship. That should not be the case - you have to look after your own needs too, and your partner should accept that, no matter what is going on for her. If she won't then maybe you need to start asking some serious questions about your relationship.

I waffled a bit there, sorry!

confused_29

Hi again - thanks for all the responses. I have taken many positives from people's words here and I have to say I am thinking a lot clearer now. I know I am in a good relationship but I do tend to over-think stuff and make everything seem worse than it is. I want to be a positive person but have always naturally been a "glass half-empty" type yet when I feel like I do now everything seems ok and I can cope.

Its interesting some of you say to try out a session and take it from there. I am tempted to do this but I still feel like it would be a small betrayal if I didn't tell OH. Also, now I am feeling a bit better everything seems easier. I hope things stay this way.

With work - I have a decent steady job, low risk of redundancy and enough money to get by on - so I really shoudln't complain, especially in this climate when I know people who are losing their livelihoods. I just find it dull and unstimulating most of the time.

Anyway thanks to everyone who gave their honest advice. I will see how things go these next few days.

oystercatcher

Why not just mention that work are offering free counselling to reduce stress in the workplace or something similar , just mention briefly that you're giving it a trial but don't make it into a 'big' issue.
That way you're not hiding anything from her, which I think would be a bad thing. That way if there are issues brought up in the couselling you can mention them as having 'just come up while you were talking' and maybe discuss any relevant issues.
I agree with previous posters that both of you in a relatioship are important, it could well be that you are affecting each other in ways that haven't even occurred to you. It could be that a few little 'tweaks' to things you do could make quite a big impact on what your life together is like. A counsellor will be able to pinpoint things like this although it may take several sessions to get to the bottom of it all.
Try one session and see how you feel and go from there.

Oystercatcher

confused_29

oystercatcher wrote: »

Why not just mention that work are offering free counselling to reduce stress in the workplace or something similar , just mention briefly that you're giving it a trial but don't make it into a 'big' issue.
That way you're not hiding anything from her, which I think would be a bad thing. That way if there are issues brought up in the couselling you can mention them as having 'just come up while you were talking' and maybe discuss any relevant issues.
I agree with previous posters that both of you in a relatioship are important, it could well be that you are affecting each other in ways that haven't even occurred to you. It could be that a few little 'tweaks' to things you do could make quite a big impact on what your life together is like. A counsellor will be able to pinpoint things like this although it may take several sessions to get to the bottom of it all.
Try one session and see how you feel and go from there.

Oystercatcher

I will think about that, it does make sense. Not sure she would belieive me about stress in the workplace though.

Nice signature btw :T