How to teach a 4 year old child to value things?

Mrs_Optimist

I haven't read the whole thread but can remember having the same problem with my eldest daughter. Things changed when DS came along. Now I am much more careful about what I buy them (Christmas and birthdays used to be about quantity - not any more - they have a few things that they will enjoy playing with and no more) and periodically take some of their toys out of their rooms for a month and then sort of alternate them. I found that when they had too many toys there was so much choice they didn't appreciate it. They love having new toys that they haven't seen for a month and the problem has resolved itself.

Rikki

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread but can remember having the same problem with my eldest daughter. Things changed when DS came along. Now I am much more careful about what I buy them (Christmas and birthdays used to be about quantity - not any more - they have a few things that they will enjoy playing with and no more) and periodically take some of their toys out of their rooms for a month and then sort of alternate them. I found that when they had too many toys there was so much choice they didn't appreciate it. They love having new toys that they haven't seen for a month and the problem has resolved itself.

When I had my first child many years ago I remember a young Mum with very little money but three older sisters.
When my son went to play once maybe twice a week there was always different toys to play with. She had three toy boxes and only one was brought out at a time. Each time it was like a box of new toys to the children.
It was a lesson taught to her by her sisters and it worked so well.

lilac_lady

My 4 year old DGS isn't always keen on the tidyup business so I tell him I can do it faster than him and the the one who puts the last toy in the box is the winner. So far he's fallen for it and hasn't noticed that Granny puts away a couple of things and he does the rest. Of course, he wins every time. BTW, he doesn't win every game of Snap, Snakes and Ladders etc as he has to learn that other people can win too.

sooty&sweep

Hi

Just wanted to say that to be honest I think most children go through a period of thinking that money/toys grows on trees and that if something breaks it will be replaced by another toy and at three your daughter is still very young !

We encourage our children to believe in Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy !! So its not really that surprising that in their younger years they don't fully appreciate the value or cost of something.

I am not suggesting that you shouldn't start to teach her the value of things and that she should tidy up her toys etc.
Although my son is nearly eight and as yet I've still not found a consistent way to 'encourage' him to tidy his toys, put his clothes away etc.

ailuro2

imho it's not about understanding the value of things, it's about understanding who is boss. At the moment it looks like she thinks it should be her.....;)
Have a reward chart for doing as she is asked (not told - respect works two ways:D)
I agree about putting toys away, we used to have a 'no more than two things out at one time' rule to keep it manageable for our DD. Also say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say no TV if she doesn't tidy up by the time 5 minutes are up, then she shouldn't have any TV, you can't give in when she tidies up later then expects TV. You can give her a hand to tidy, but don't do it for her.



When you say you buy her things when she is good, does that mean it's normal for her to get new things on a regular basis? Has she come to expect new things to come her way without it being a special day? Isn't that confusing for a four year old, to be told 'look after yuor things' when she knows something new will be coming soon anyway?

Kids need clear boundaries, and they need to know what to expect - once the 'boss' battle is won you'll be home and dry for another few years.:D

rchddap1

I don't buy my little girl toys very often at all. She has what she has and if it gets broken then in the bin it goes. There is never an instant replacement. Hopefully that way she won't expect a replacement later on. Or that's the theory anyway.

If I were you I'd stick to my guns. If its a new system then she won't understand for a fair while. It may be tough but its a case of her against you...and you have to be the stronger.

As for only treating her and not you. I'd treat myself now and then. If she doesn't get anything I'd explain it by saying that mummy has been a good girl and she hasn't. Mean perhaps, but she'll soon pick up that if she's good all week then she might get something.

Minerva69

Thanks for all the useful replies everyone :beer: We already do the "one toy out at a time" rule and she often complains when she wants to get something else out but has to put that one away. We also have smaller toys in storage boxes and she can only have one box out at a time. We can't use the naughty step as she loves sitting on the steps :rolleyes: I think part of the problem is I've seen bargains on here and I ended up buying them even though she doesn't need them I've stopped doing that now though. I didn't really give her things just for the sake of it, it was usually when she'd been good while we were out or not had a tantrum! Our daughter has never liked going to shops so we try and avoid taking her unless we need to get her measured for some shoes or something. She really hates supermarkets and just lies on the floor and refuses to move, even though we've tried to get her involved in the shopping process.

She seems to prefer talking to adults rather than other children, probably because when she's not at nursery she doesn't really see any other children. When other children do try to play with her she just tells them she wants to play on her own so they give up and don't ask her again. She's a bit behind other children physically and we take her to a dance class on a Saturday to try and help her socialise more and improve her confidence, but she spends half the time talking to the owner's husband!

I don't look at catalogues when she's around, she just started doing that because she likes looking at leaflets or booklets of any kind, she loves it when we get junk mail! When she realised that some of these leaflets have toys in, that's when she started asking for them. She loves reading anything and the nursery have told us she's way ahead of the others in her language and speech. We put that down to all the books and things we've read with her.

I also think the problem is my husband He doesn't really discipline her much and lets her get away with more than I do. He thinks I'm too hard on her. The result of that has been that our daughter thinks her Dad is the best thing since sliced bread, and she ignores me when I ask her to do anything because he doesn't back me up. I found out yesterday that nursery are doing a parents workshop next week on encouraging children's positive behaviour (including getting them to share) so I'll definitely be going to that. I'll also try the reward chart again, but I read somewhere that schools are saying children who've used reward charts refuse to do anything at school unless they get a reward for it :rolleyes: I will also suggest to her that we have a clear out and get her to choose the things she doesn't want anymore!

FairyElephant_2

Minerva69 wrote: »

I found out yesterday that nursery are doing a parents workshop next week on encouraging children's positive behaviour (including getting them to share) so I'll definitely be going to that.

...it sounds like it would be a very good idea for your DH to attend this too...

SaveTheCheerleader

Hi,

My son is 4.5 and he got a paint your own piggy bank for his last birthday. We sat and painted it together (painted his name on it) so he really enjoyed that, then I explained to him that from now on any toys or magazines that he wants he has to save for them himself. He has done this (much begging to grandparents for pennies!), he found a pound in the street so that went in etc etc! He bought his new power ranger the other day and was thrilled!

I'm trying to get across to him the value of money and that certain things cost more than others and if he wants them then he needs to save for them becuase mummy and daddy certainly can't afford to get him everything.

A lot of my friends I've mentioned this too think it's a little OTT and he's too young but I disagree, the younger the better I say!

X

alexm08

How to teach a 4 year old child to value things?

Show them Saw 1,2,3,4 & 5

No please don't!