It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

kidcat

Sammyk there is a website called entitled to that will tell you how much housing benefits you would get. Should give you a good indication anyway.

Toomuchdebt

Hi yes his income is included in the Housing Benefit-he has to contribute £390 towards the rent and also pay the council tax which is £81 a month.So the Housing Benefit was £360 and he borrowed the lot thus owing the entire rent and council tax this month.
He is responsible for the youngest child and the one due in May only.The first 4 are from my ex husband.Honestly I am so much worse off financially with him here.I have lost part of my CTC because of his wages.He gets the WTC which goes on his needs.I have lost out on £256 income support which I was getting before.He doesn't contribute anything else towards the household at all.He does need his car as he works 25 miles away.
I have my own car(old ford galaxy 7 seater) so that's not an issue.he has no family or friends here as he is from abroad.Plus I am sick of hearing him moan and whinge all the time about how expensive the gas and electric are while not paying a penny towards them, sick of him demanding cooked dinners while being unable to even wash a plate himself, fed up of him moaning at the kids-he doesn't particularly get on with the older kids...it's been almost 3 years now and it's not getting any better.
He complains the house is a mess but won't pick anything up himself at all.Every day I hear him go on about how he doesn't want to be here and then later he wants bed and doesn't understand why I say no and says he was just whinging and to ignore him.Sigh.

slowandsteady_2

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

Hi yes his income is included in the Housing Benefit-he has to contribute £390 towards the rent and also pay the council tax which is £81 a month.So the Housing Benefit was £360 and he borrowed the lot thus owing the entire rent and council tax this month.
He is responsible for the youngest child and the one due in May only.The first 4 are from my ex husband.Honestly I am so much worse off financially with him here.I have lost part of my CTC because of his wages.He gets the WTC which goes on his needs.I have lost out on £256 income support which I was getting before.He doesn't contribute anything else towards the household at all.He does need his car as he works 25 miles away.
I have my own car(old ford galaxy 7 seater) so that's not an issue.he has no family or friends here as he is from abroad.Plus I am sick of hearing him moan and whinge all the time about how expensive the gas and electric are while not paying a penny towards them, sick of him demanding cooked dinners while being unable to even wash a plate himself, fed up of him moaning at the kids-he doesn't particularly get on with the older kids...it's been almost 3 years now and it's not getting any better.
He complains the house is a mess but won't pick anything up himself at all.Every day I hear him go on about how he doesn't want to be here and then later he wants bed and doesn't understand why I say no and says he was just whinging and to ignore him.Sigh.

Gosh i do feel for you Toomuchdebt. Things are hard enough in a supportive, equal relationship sometimes so it must be doubly hard for you. However you are an inspiration, 5 children and one on the way, wow, i can barely cope with the one i have!

You seem to be receiving mixed messages from him-he says he doesnt want to be there, but is, that must be so hurtful for you, hearing that. Im not sure I would have your patience to do so much and seemingly receive so little support and appreciation.

I dont really have any advice just to say that we are here for you if you want to 'chat' and hopefully help you through this patch xx

charlies-aunt

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

1. He borrowed the lot thus owing the entire rent and council tax this month.
2. I am so much worse off financially with him here.
3. I have lost part of my CTC because of his wages.
4. He gets the WTC which goes on his needs.
5. I have lost out on £256 income support which I was getting before.
6. He doesn't contribute anything towards the household at all.
7. He has no family or friends here.
8. I am sick of hearing him moan and whinge all the time about how expensive the gas and electric are while not paying a penny towards them,
9. Sick of him demanding cooked dinners while being unable to even wash a plate himself.
10. Fed up of him moaning at the kids.
11. He complains the house is a mess but won't pick anything up himself at all.
12. Every day I hear him go on about how he doesn't want to be here
13. Then he wants bed and doesn't understand why I say no

Toomuchdebt - this is such a sad negative state of affairs, no wonder you feel worn down - he must have some redeeming qualities which make you love him and want to stay with him in spite of his faults?

Toomuchdebt

I'm not so sure any more that I do love him TBH.

Toomuchdebt

Well things just got worse-I had a letter to say I had been overpaid £725 CTC-rang up and they have cancelled my joint claim in error and it will take 3 weeks to get it reinstated.That means all we have to live on for the next 3 weeks is child benefit.Food we might just about manage but petrol and bills?My rent comes out on the 14th.I could just cry.In fact I did.In the next 3 weeks I need to pay gas and electric of £130, car insurance of £34,o2 £50(usually 25 but I had a replacement handset on my insurance), virgin(around £40),house insurance of £31 ...how???I have been trying so hard to restore my credit rating after going bankrupt and now this.I won't be able to pay any of it.Then there's council tax of £81 due by the 28th What do I do now???It's my daughter's birthday on 26th too-no presents or anything I just want to give up.

missychrissy

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

I'm not so sure any more that I do love him TBH.

My husband went off with another woman 14 years ago leaving me to bring up 4 children on my own. He has shouldered no responsibility for our children since and they have not seen him for many years. I should have left him years before that because he did not participate in family life, propped a bar up every night for the whole of our marriage, spent all of our money on himself and made me miserable. I used to sit in on my own at night wondering why he didn't want to come home. I realised later that the problem was his and not mine. My sons said that they were all glad when he left.

His leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. Although I have had a long legal battle with him, I am now financially and emotionally independent with 4 grown up sons, all doing well. My biggest regret is that I didn't end my marriage sooner. I realise now that life is too short to 'make do' with less than happy relationships. It isn't easy to bring up a large family on your own, there are ups and downs, highs and lows but lots of laughs along the way. I now value my independence and would never 'put up' with an unhappy relationship ever again. I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do.

slowandsteady_2

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

Well things just got worse-I had a letter to say I had been overpaid £725 CTC-rang up and they have cancelled my joint claim in error and it will take 3 weeks to get it reinstated.That means all we have to live on for the next 3 weeks is child benefit.Food we might just about manage but petrol and bills?My rent comes out on the 14th.I could just cry.In fact I did.In the next 3 weeks I need to pay gas and electric of £130, car insurance of £34,o2 £50(usually 25 but I had a replacement handset on my insurance), virgin(around £40),house insurance of £31 ...how???I have been trying so hard to restore my credit rating after going bankrupt and now this.I won't be able to pay any of it.Then there's council tax of £81 due by the 28th What do I do now???It's my daughter's birthday on 26th too-no presents or anything I just want to give up.

If you have no money you can apply for a Crisis Loan, you dont have to be just receiving benefits, they will give you money for food, and gas and electric key meters only, so although you think you have enough for food you will need to tell them it is for food, then you may have enough for your petrol iyswim and can use the crisis loan for food. We had to get a crisis loan January, when my wages werent paid from my new job, they are quite relaxed about the payback terms as well, i think you get a year. If you rang up Monday morning you would be able to collect it from the jobcentre Monday afternoon.

Also you need to tell them how much you think you will need for your food shop and they will decide if it is an appropriate amount , which i guess in your case is three weeks?

If you arent familiar with them try www.direct.gov.uk and just put the term Crisis Loan into the search part.

I know what you mean about paying the bills etc, but the gas and electric will have literally hundreds of people ringing up at this time of year after winter bills asking for a bit more time. Virgin media will wait too, i used to be with them and many a time had to delay payment for a couple of weeks. Just ring them. I know its not ideal but at the moment you have to prioritise food and petrol and getting to work etc, the big companies will survive without your immediate payment and im sure will happily wait a month or so. My friend works for O2 and while they can cut you off, they too will give you time so dont panic. Just take a deep breath and work out exactly when everything is due and ring them one by one and ask for more time. They would rather know you are having a bit of difficulty for a couple of weeks than for you to fall behind etc and then end up having another bill arrive a couple of months down the line and you not knowing which way to turn. If you can ask for more time it will give you some breathing space.

Also if your baby is due in May, are you entitled to maternity allowance or anything like that based on your income? Just a thought?

Hope that you are ok x

Toomuchdebt

Thanks -I don't know if I can get a crisis loan as I had one just after my partner moved in(also due to tax credits and a new claim needing to be sorted) and I they haven't been in touch to get it paid back so as I already owe them I don't know if they will let me have any more?It was £228 if I remember correctly.
I don't work so not entitled to maternity allowance or anything.I already had the sure start grant which went on a cot(£70), a pram(£170-got a used double off ebay as toddler too young to walk long distances)and some bills. I wish I'd put it in a savings account now.I can't even save on petrol much as it's for school and monitoring at the hospital.Too far to walk as it takes an hour one way and I wouldn't be able to manage it at the moment.Unfortunately I have a ford galaxy which uses lots of petrol I could just cry.

taplady

Toomuchdebt - (((hugs))) have you tried asking for help on the debt-free wannabe board? there are some very helpful people over there who may have some ideas for you.