It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

elizabunny

jamanda wrote: »

I don't know either Frugalista, but didn't want to read and run. When DH was in a similar position a few years ago, I managed to distract him with a "Plan". We took it in turns to pick somewhere on a map where we could go and take a picnic (this was in the middle of winter mind you) and often ended up at the seaside in snow, hail, gales, etc., but we made an adventure of it. It got us through because it gave us something to look forward to.

Is there anything you can think of to distract him on his days off that he would enjoy - there are lots of things that don't need money, apart from parking perhaps?

Other than that, just back him up and sympathise with him. He needs to
know his home is his haven. It needs to be yours too though.

Frugalista Just thought I would pop in here and have to agree so much with jamanda The past 3 or 4 years have been really difficult for us too with health and money worries. It seemed at times like the probems were really affecting DH and myself and we couldn't even manage a proper holiday. DH is normally so calm and down to earth but all the worries were making us both really stressed. In the end we decided that we would just have to get away now and again and planned to have the odd weekend away and some special days out. It doesn't cost us much as we plan well ahead for each 'escape' but it really has helped us achieve more balance in our lives. We have something to look forward to now and I think it helps us to focus less on the negative parts of our situation. I now try not to think where we should have been at our time of life and concentrate more on taking one day at a time. I HTH in some small way. I imagine many of us have developed strategies for coping and I'm so lucky that in some ways the 'struggle' has brought DH and myself even closer together. I hope you find a solution soon

charlies-aunt

Frugalista wrote: »

Does anyone have any advice or coping techniques I can use? I'm sorry to offload on you all who are coping with your own problems - I just needed to vent .

Welcome Frugalista - You will find lots of friends on this thread and lots of support

Back in late 1980's, OH was a director of a shipping company and I was a deputy factory manager - earning top dollar (55K between us) but spending top dollar too...we had no need to bother with saving - OH had been in a top pension scheme since leaving school and our jobs were going to last forever....... by the late 90's, the pension scheme had bombed with total losses, the shipping company went bankrupt and the factory closed down.... and we have both been in a series of temp, minimum wage jobs ever since - so I really do understand where you're at.

' Keep calm and carry on' - life is all about change. Appreciate the things that you have that money can't buy - health, children, parents, each other, pets, a sunny day to dry the washing....and be kind to yourselves - you are both doing the best that you can in very difficult circumstances.

It is tough right now but despite our food being basic, clothing shabby, money scarce and debts ever looming - we can and will live through it (just for badness!) Keep in touch - sending you <<<hugs>>>

Charis

charlies-aunt wrote: »

' Keep calm and carry on' - life is all about change. Appreciate the things that you have that money can't buy - health, children, parents, each other, pets, a sunny day to dry the washing....and be kind to yourselves - you are both doing the best that you can in very difficult circumstances.

Thanks for this, Charlie's Aunt. I will stick the first sentence on a post it note where I can be reminded every day. I've had two sharp reminders of the truth of this in the last fortnight.
Charis

taplady

Charis wrote: »

Thanks for this, Charlie's Aunt. I will stick the first sentence on a post it note where I can be reminded every day. I've had two sharp reminders of the truth of this in the last fortnight.
Charis

I agree with you Charis - well said Charlie's Aunt:T even though things may be hard we do sometimes forget just how lucky we are.

lilac_lady

Reading about Frugalista and the others' problems with partners being depressed about their work situations, at least you're all following a spend-less way of life. It would be much worse if there was no idea how to cope with a smaller income. Hang on in there, Spring is coming and hopefully it will bring fresh hope with it.

ginnyknit

Well Frugalista all I can say is keep going and follow the idea's on here. It is going to be hard and men do struggle when they feel defeated. My Dh has had to come to terms with going from very active, cricket playing full time builder to an exhausted disabled person. He turned in on himself for a while but when I finally lost my temper (unusual to say the least) he realised it was better to fight together. we are far from perfect and seem to alternate having bad days but we are getting by. You sometimes have to try and do the ' me and you against the world' attitude but every minor success gives you a big buzz. People on here like Charlies Aunt and Mardatha will keep you going with their wit and wisdom.

Genuisscuffy

I am finding it really hard at the moment - I cared for my Mum for 13 years until she died 2007 I had a month in which the DSS said I had to get a job or lose some of my benefit (I was on income support with 2 children ex husband didnt pay maintenance) so I got a job at tes*os and went to college to get my qualifications back up. It was hard but after passing went into the NHS - the job is quite low paid (£555 a month - rent£105 a week! ) child tax credits and working tax credits. I have an interview on Monday for another job - 10 more hours a week but more rent to pay?? you just cant win - the boys finish college in 3 months time with no hope of a job around here (and thinking of joining the army :-((() I'm just fed up with trying to pay everybody and then the boys complaining they havent had any new clothes and their clothes have shrunk! (they've grown!!) - the child credits/child benefit finish when they finish college - so how do I keep them all!! to be honest I feel I was better off on income support!!! so much for you will be better off working huh!!! - sorry moan finished - I've really appreciated all the views/tips/ideas on this site it has really helped so thank you all.

mardatha

Once kids are 16 then stop feeling responsible for keeping them in everything , if they want fancy things or more things then tell them to get a job.;) I know it sounds hard and is hard after all the years of being their mum and looking after them - but I've seen so many mums run themselves into the ground trying to keep up with fashionable teens. Is like watching an exhausted wee sparrow trying to feed a baby cuckoo :eek: cant be done !
In the old days kids didnt expect so much and life was a lot easier, I think we try so hard to be good mums that we shoot ourselves in the foot sometimes.

mardatha

Ginny I seem to have run out of wit & wisdom today , I feel like a tired wee slug ! SLUG POWER WHOOHOO !

charlies-aunt

Genuisscuffy wrote: »

I am finding it really hard at the moment - I cared for my Mum for 13 years until she died 2007 I had a month in which the DSS said I had to get a job or lose some of my benefit (I was on income support with 2 children ex husband didnt pay maintenance) so I got a job at tes*os and went to college to get my qualifications back up. It was hard but after passing went into the NHS - the job is quite low paid (£555 a month - rent£105 a week! ) child tax credits and working tax credits. I have an interview on Monday for another job - 10 more hours a week but more rent to pay?? you just cant win - the boys finish college in 3 months time with no hope of a job around here (and thinking of joining the army :-((() I'm just fed up with trying to pay everybody and then the boys complaining they havent had any new clothes and their clothes have shrunk! (they've grown!!) - the child credits/child benefit finish when they finish college - so how do I keep them all

God love you Geniusscruffy! - don't apologise for having a little moan - you're allowed to here - you have a lot on your plate and are just feeling the strain right now.

Take a step back, take a look at yourself & give yourself a pat on the back because you really deserve one for the way you have coped with all the challenges that life has thrown at you over the past few years. You have somehow combined caring , bringing up two children , educating yourself, working & running a household singlehandedly on a tiny budget - WOW! Superwoman lives!! :rotfl:

Jobs are scarce and college leavers have the double bind of not being able to get a job because they have no experience - can't get the experience because they don't have a job.

Depending on what skills your sons have, there may be opportunities to earn some cash in hand by informal childminding, dog walking, housesitting, pet sitting, gardening, car cleaning, doing odd jobs - might be an idea to make up some little flyers on the computer and get them putting them through letterboxes/ on noticeboards in your area. If you are anywhere near stables, its always worth a call to see if they will pay them to poo-pick the paddocks - the poo can be bagged up & sold this spring to gardeners!

If they are mechanically minded, could they buy outgrown childrens bikes (salerooms are good places to get these cheap) make any repairs, tart them up and resell them at a nice profit?

Only 50% of jobs are advertised - the rest are filled by being in the right place at the right time, knowing someone who works there or by self-canvassing (knocking on the door & saying 'Gissa job!)

Or get them to volunteer in a charity shop - they may be able to buy a few pieces that could be resold at a higher price on ebay I used to buy old brown leather school satchels from local charity shops / carboot sales for 50p-£2, I resold them on ebay for £15-25 (the more battered they were, the more bids I got!) Vintage sells well too - especially male and female clothing / hats / jewellery / curtains / fabrics / Christmas decorations and can be picked up from car boots / charity shops - you need to check ebay carefully to get a feel what sells well and what labels to look for before starting to buy.

Apologies to anyone who thinks that this is unethical but in my own defence I would like to say that I always paid what the shop / carbooter asked without quibble and I had to put in the time researching ebay trends and all the legwork of listing, posting etc .....and times were very hard and we needed every penny we could raise.

When you get to the end of your tether - tie a knot and hang on with both hands!