It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

rosieben

My dsis reads the mail every day cover to cover and is always stressed about some media story or other. I'm trying to get her to give them up but it seems like she's addicted!

I stopped buying newspapers in the 80's on the advice of a counsellor, and never missed them except for the crosswords I check out news headlines online but won't get sucked into the drama-out-of-nothing news programmes that abound.

I've no interest in reality tv or in most of the programmes on tv for that matter, but I really enjoy the programmes that I choose to watch.

I'm pretty deaf now, so no music at all for me and I, too, avoid crowded places.
I love my quiet life! miss my music though

bails

I love your quote Rosie! :T

ceridwen

Pitlanepiglet wrote: »

Ahh my favourite poem!

I agree with this though - the woman in charge of the team that I am in is doing her level best to bully me out of the team. I didn't allow people to bully me when I was 12 years old and I'm certainly not going to start now....it has made me realise how difficult things can be, I've never experienced anything like it before now and it's really quite hard to deal with when you really need a job.

Another vote for purple - which is a colour I rather like anyway:D

I must admit to surprise when I come across attempts to bully me at my age - you'd have thought they would realise I'd have learnt how to deal with it by now. Many of us come across bullies at work during the course of our job/career - so I wish you well in dealing with them - as I know what its like. Is there an anti-bullying policy in place in your workplace you can quote? Is there anyone higher up the "pecking order" you could go to and state which ways you are being bullied and that it contravenes that policy?

You might be interested to look at:

www.bullyonline.org/



Take care - and remember that one of the first "lines of defence" used by a bully who realises that they are being called to account for their behaviour is often to try and "turn things" and make out that THEY are the one being bullied..........

meanmarie

Maryb...as purple is one of my favourite colours I have just started to stockpile...need a red hat! At rising 65 I wonder if I can start wearing this wonderful colour combination soon??

I yearn for the village of my childhood, which boasted 3 cars and children could wander freely...it is now a 'dormitory' village with hundreds of houses and nobody knows anybody by name.

We have been promised a very difficult budget next month, with cuts to both OH's and my pensions and an introduction of taxes for all which don't exist now.

Marie

charlies-aunt

ceridwen wrote: »

I must admit to surprise when I come across attempts to bully me at my age - you'd have thought they would realise I'd have learnt how to deal with it by now. Many of us come across bullies at work during the course of our job/career - so I wish you well in dealing with them - as I know what its like. ...

Start keeping a bullying diary - doesn't have to be fancy but as detailed as possible ( note any witnesses, keep any sarky notes she's left you etc) and report whats happening to your line manager (but don't mention the diary) :cool:

In my own experience, my line manager was a friend of my bully's husband and he just fobbed me off & did nothing No one else wanted to work with her - she had a well-deserved reputation for being pedantic and b!tchy so I got no direct support from my colleagues and so I was on my own...I eventually got another (better) job and left.

However, another colleague who was given a hard time because she's an out and proud bisexual -she kept a diary, emails etc and when she eventually left - she was able to successfully claim constructive dismissal and received financial compensation.

I really don't get what some individuals get out of being mean and nasty.Whatever they have a go at you about, its more about what they dislike about themselves than you personally .. if you can take a step back .. you have to feel pity for them if bullying is the only way that they can bolster their shaky self esteem...although its difficult to do so when you are coping with this on a day to day basis.

Wishing you well - please keep us posted on how things are going. I'm sure that you will get lots of positive support and help from the MSE forum users

The more I see of people - the more I like my pets!

ceridwen

Ummm.....<cough> its not ME thats being bullied - its PitLane Piglet. Thanks for the support anyway - but tis Pitland that needs it actually.

I dealt with the bullies I encountered and they arent a problem anymore:D

charlies-aunt

Whoops! Sorry about that - bullying is a subject that gets me very hot under the collar and I get a bit away from myself

Pitlanepiglet

Thanks all, I realise that it is much more about her than me which makes it all a bit easier to deal with. The problem is that she is in charge of the department, my "sort of" line manager seems to think that the bully's style of behaviour is a legitimate management style rather than a character flaw which makes it all more difficult - although since I stood up to her the other day she's backed off a bit! I just don't get the opportunity to stand up to the head of the team but I'm trying to find the right opportunity.

I've been stockpiling emails etc., but I do need to start keeping a diary of all this stuff.

My only real option is to go to HR and given that she's so senior it would be a one way ticket out of my job and the firm - I'm sure I'd leave with some money in my pocket but right now I need a job for the next six months.

I'm fairly robust but it does get a bit tiresome!

Barneysmom

Pitlanepiglet, that's what I did in the end, I got out. That was nearly ten years ago and I still feel a bit shaky when I think about it. It made me ill in the end though I didn't know at the time, I started walking with my head down. Don't let it get so bad you start worrying when you're in bed ((((hugs)))))

maryb

I do feel for you Pitlanepiglet, the most miserable time of my life was when I was being bullied by a new boss. He had 'inherited' us as part of a merger and wanted the customers but not the people. However he regarded it as a badge of honour to 'counsel people out' rather than making redundancies.

I had always had really good performance appraisals up to that point then suddenly I was 'needs improvement'. I was paralysed by the sheer unexpectedness of it and thought for a while he was right and I would never get another job. Then I was headhunted. And it was at least as good a job, if not better. That really perked up the rest of my team (who were all undergoing the same treatment) and they all started looking for new jobs and found them. He then got some black marks for the disintegration of what had been a very profitable team.

Some time after we left the company ran into trouble and he ended up having to take a job with a much reduced status. Because I had got out so much earlier I was in a good position and enjoying life again. That was when I realised the truth of the saying 'the best revenge is living well'

I hope you too will be able to look back and think that it has all worked out for the best