It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

elizabunny

Firstly, can I just send HUGE HUGS to all of you who need them and then THANK YOU for some of the great posts on here.
Personally and in my opinion only, the problems many of us experience whether it be financial due to loss of work or debts or of a more personal nature involving bullying etc., in some cases leads to depression. It seems like a never-ending merry go round that you just can't get off. The cause - the depression - and the effect and so on.
Speaking from experience here, as in the past year, like many others we have had loss of income, we also have suffered a very subtle but very upsetting form of intimidation (The Causes) Consequently, I have become very nervy and my DH who is the most placid and unflappable man normally, is starting to feel down quite often (The Depression). (The Effect) Is that we find it really difficult to cope at times and both of us are beginning to suffer healthwise.
I don't really have a solution, but I know we have to keep coping because we have a grown-up family that turn to us for support (which we always want them to do if they need us ) and we both have very elderly Mothers who also need us and one of them is also very ill. Sometimes, I feel that being the HEAD of the family is too much of a responsibilty and I long for the times when we could turn to our parents for support. When we could ask them for their valuable advice and share our problems with them, but those days are gone and now, the decisions have to be made and the solutions have be found by us.
The only advice I can offer, is to face the problems head on, there might not be a solution today, tomorrow or next month, but eventually there will be one. Difficult decisions should be shared with anyone who will listen, OH, relative or friend, etc. so that you can get another perspective. Talking is a great therapy. Make a plan, even if it doesn't look at first as if it will solve the problem, as the plan develops, it might just work better than you thought it would. I try to take myself away from the situation from time to time, a nice walk in the woods helps to clear my head.
I also try to practice the following:-
I won't give in/up
I won't let it/them drag me down.
I won't keep worrying about yesterday/tomorrow
I WILL try to make the best of today.
Not always easy to do, but I do try.
Sorry for the babble but I do feel that talking does help and as for 'laughing' or being 'smug' about another's difficulties. I'm sure that no one here would do that. I also believe that, 'There but for the grace of God go I'

charlies-aunt

God love you Elizabunny :rolleyes: you have a wise head on them there shoulders of yours.

My parents died 20 years ago and I still miss them. To be able to talk things over with someone who loves and accepts you unconditionally is the best therapy money can't buy. I hope my own dd's will be able to confide their troubles in dh and me in the same way.

PitlanePiglet - you're doing great...keep positive

mardatha

I needed this thread today !! Came in very fed up and am now getting back to kick !!! normal.
Well back to myself - dunno about normal.
Overspent lately and messed up the money. The "cushion" that took us so long to scrape together seems to have vanished. :mad:
The OH is sliding into depression, between his health and his retirement.
Everything I do lately seems to go wrong. Lets hope things pick up soon !:j

BigMummaF

Wot Eliza sed
I had big problems in my last place & have consequently touched rock bottom. Obviously there have been other bits & pieces but certain management there were by far, the biggest factor. Many times I have wished I had said &/or done things differently, but I think--actually I KNOW--that my work ethics stopped me from defending myself. I was a 'the bosses have said it so I must comply' sort of person even if they were wrong, because I HAD to be in paid employment.
I am slowly learning that it is OK to have my own opinions outside of the house & I have the right to be treated with the courtesy I show to others...an extremely difficult task when you spend so many hours in the darkest depths of self-destruction
THAT is why I value this site so much. It offers help & support on so many aspects of Life & the camaraderie of the members is--on the whole--exceptional. We don't have to agree all the time but then that just helps you think in a different way, very similar to Primrose who has valid reasoning in her debate re:the news. It doesn't matter how tough it gets, I know there'll be someone here who can direct me toward a possible solution or three.

elizabunny

Good morning everyone. It's a beautiful day here and I'm definately trying to practice my 'present' not past or future today.
Mardatha sorry to hear of your troubles, too many of us seem to be having hard times at the moment. I hope things will improve for you very soon.
Having said I'm in the 'present' when I popped my washing in the machine this morning I couldn't help thinking about my dear Mum, whose wash days were so different from mine. Giving my age away a bit here:D, but I remember the 'copper' bubbling away on a monday morning for all the 'whites' and Mum standing over a sinkful of woollies and delicates that had to be handwashed. I also remember the starch for the shirts and linens and the 'blue bags' for getting everything lovely and white (what happened to those?). Finally the mangle would get dragged out for wringing out all of the water. The bubbling water from the copper would then be used to scrub the floor (on hands and knees of course ) and the washed clothes would be hung out to dry outside (always) unless it was really exceptionally bad weather. Hmm.... can't help wondering if I'm getting away with things too lightly..... and I have to admit my washing has never looked as pristine as Mum's did. When she finally got her first twin-tub and then eventually, an automatic machine, she still washed everything first by hand:eek:
So I was just wondering if there was anyone who still does their washing OS.
Have a good day everyone and keep smiling:D

Primrose

elizabunny - your laundry post brought back memories. We must be in the same age group ! Yes I well remember the blue bag and the mangle and particularly all those stiff frozen shirts hanging on the line in freezing weather and the steaming smell and condensation as wet clothes on the clothes horse dripped onto newspaper in front of the miserable little coal fire which was the only source of heating in the house. And the coal was rationed too. I remember my mother counting the sacks as the coalman carried them in and dumped the coal in the coal bunker because once he delivered one sack short and she had an altercation with him out in the street (by his horse and cart!) and threw all the empty sacks onto the pavement and there was one short. He never diddled her again after that. Funny the things you remember as a child. Yes, I often think of my mum too when I throw my sheets into the washing machine, although during the summer I do actually wash by hand every other day and let everything drip dry in the sunshine.

frosty

elizabunny wrote: »

Good morning everyone. It's a beautiful day here and I'm definately trying to practice my 'present' not past or future today.
Mardatha sorry to hear of your troubles, too many of us seem to be having hard times at the moment. I hope things will improve for you very soon.
Having said I'm in the 'present' when I popped my washing in the machine this morning I couldn't help thinking about my dear Mum, who's wash days were so different from mine. Giving my age away a bit here:D, but I remember the 'copper' bubbling away on a monday morning for all the 'whites' and Mum standing over a sinkful of woollies and delicates that had to be handwashed. I also remember the starch for the shirts and linens and the 'blue bags' for getting everything lovely and white (what happened to those?). Finally the mangle would get dragged out for wringing out all of the water. The bubbling water from the copper would then be used to scrub the floor (on hands and knees of course ) and the washed clothes would be hung out to dry outside (always) unless it was really exceptionally bad weather. Hmm.... can't help wondering if I'm getting away with things too lightly..... and I have to admit my washing has never looked as pristine as Mum's did. When she finally got her first twin-tub and then eventually, an automatic machine, she still washed everything first by hand:eek:
So I was just wondering if there was anyone who still does their washing OS.
Have a good day everyone and keep smiling:D

I remember the little blue bags they were called DOLLY BLUE.

www.feathergills.co.uk click on household,they are a £1 each.There are few things on there to bring the memories flooding back.

elizabunny

Primrose wrote: »

elizabunny - your laundry post brought back memories. We must be in the same age group ! Yes I well remember the blue bag and the mangle and particularly all those stiff frozen shirts hanging on the line in freezing weather and the steaming smell and condensation as wet clothes on the clothes horse dripped onto newspaper in front of the miserable little coal fire which was the only source of heating in the house. And the coal was rationed too. I remember my mother counting the sacks as the coalman carried them in and dumped the coat in the coal bunker because once he delivered one sack short and she had an altercation with him out in the street (by his horse and cart!) and threw all the empty sacks onto the pavement and there was one short. He never diddled her again after that. Funny the things you remember as a child. Yes, I often think of my mum too when I throw my sheets into the washing machine, although during the summer I do actually wash by hand every other day and let everything drip dry in the sunshine.

Oooooh Primrose you've got me started now.....I remember the delivery man who use to come round our street complete with horse and cart, can't for the life of me remember what he sold, could well have been coal. I do remember Mum saying that the coalman would keep her a bag of 'nutty slack', always sounded to me like a bag of sweets:D I also remember on wet days, the clothes horse in front of the little coal fire, which Mum or Dad had to start first with a bit of the the 'nutty slack' and an old newspaper held over the opening to get it going (Please don't try this at home! Not that you would for one minute! - but it didn't always work the way it was intended to and was followed with a bucket of water to douse the flames:eek:
Another funny little story comes to mind, Mum used to love to tell us the tale of how, when Dad had gone off to war, (this was a bit before I was born) she decided to decorate the hall with the help of the lady next door. It was supposed to be a surprise for Dad when he came home. Anyhow, they completed the job and Mum was thrilled with the results. Apparently Dad was quite surprised too, particularly as they had somehow managed to hang the wallpaper upside down:eek:
Thanks frosty for the link I'm just about to have a look. I am sure that some of our OS ways, might just help us all get through. Not suggesting everyone wants to go back to 'starching and blueing' and open fires but who knows.

Rummer

Frosty that is a fabulous site! Thank you so much for sharing with us.

morag1202

Primrose, elizabunny - all of the above plus milk bottles standing in a bucket of water on the cellar steps (no fridge); the large wire meat safe in the cellar (no fridge and yes, they did keep coal in the cellar) :eek:; fly papers hanging from the roof of the cellar; parafin burners in the bathroom and loo overnight in winter, to stop the pipes freezing.

This was in the fifties and early sixties when we lived with my grandparents. No TV either