It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

linni wrote: »

When I stayed at home with my children I was always getting asked to look after other people's children, while they were at work, and they didn't like it when I said NO!

Sound's very familiar.
Guess they thought you(like they did me) had precious else to do.:mad:

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

mardatha wrote: »

Women have maybe been exposed to too much brain washing and pressure. They need to go with their own instincts & do what makes them feel CONTENT. People arent always content with what they have, they read mags, watch tv, and want things that aren't always possible for them. Then they have to struggle like hell to get them, and even more to keep them, and they don't realize the effect and the cost on their families.
We have friends who are pure dead yuppies LOL she has to have the latest in everything and "a holiday" means £5000 min & Florida. Her kids used to love going picnics up the hills with mine, paddling in the burn & making a fire and frying bacon on it...but were terrified to get dirty in case they got a row.

I so totally agree with you Mardatha,it's just unfortunate that a lot of people can't see it that way.I agree about the effect of the mags ect too.
Contentment,is'nt always getting "THINGS".
I've always been in the way of thinking the less you've got,the less you have to lose.My very well off (and generally miserable) family just can't understand why the poor relation of the family is so happy.They even ask me this.
It's because I'm content,I don't strive for things I don't need even though it might look immpressive to others on the outside.
Yes it's nice to pay the bills and I do,but I don't need other things.
Relationships are what are important to me.
I "need" the love and respect of my husband and children,after this no "thing" no matter how expensive or how much I think I need it is worth anything.

sillylittlejill

This is a really interesting conversation!

My mother stayed at home until my sister and I were both at school, luckily all our family live within 5 minutes of each other so we could get picked up by them. I really wish she could have been there after school, I missed coming home to her homemade lemonade and jam sandwiches!! She was (and still is!) so stressed from work and a lot of things that have gone wrong in our family wouldnt have (or would have been a lot less awful) if she had stayed at home. I intend to. I have never enjoyed working full time and am so much happier tidying the house all day. When OH and I eventually have children I will be a stay at home mum, at most I will have a part time job in a supermarket or somewhere similar. I may sound lazy (thats what my mum says) but I want to be the best person I can be and I truly believe that the best person I can be is to be a brilliant wife and mum. I have never really had ambitions and believe that if we can afford for me to stay at home and look after family, house and pets then we will benefit a lot from it.

My mother believes I'm a total failure (and enjoys telling me this!) because I decided not to go to university. My little sister is going to uni in 2010 and my mum thinks she's the best thing ever.

I am so used to people looking down on me because I didn't go to uni and because I don't want to have a career in a big office in a fancy building in London.

I totally agree with mardatha. We are told at school that we SHOULD be going to university and earning big bucks and if we leave school after GCSE's that we are idiots and don't have 2 brain cells to rub together.
This is unfair, people should be able to do what they want without feeling like failures. I have felt like one since 16 so four years of failing. The only thing in my life that isn't a failure is my OH.

sorry turned into a bit of a personal rant lol

xxx

elona

MRSLITTLEMOUSE


You put that beautifully.:T

I don't really want "things " either. I do want to sell our house so we can get one with a garden but that is so DH will agree to retire early and so the whole family can enjoy it.

If we do get moved then we will probably buy "stuff" - that we need and will make our lives easier as we get older or good storage etc so DDs can be more comfortable - but it won't be "things" IYKWIM.

We don't want or need to impress anybody and all I really want is for my family to be warm, fed and comfortable.

I would not thank you for granite worktops or designer stuff but solar panels deep heat pump, pantry etc are a different matter.

elona

jill

I did go to university and had a good career but the best thing I ever did ( and the most difficult) was to be a stay at home mum when my twins were born. I did the same for the two younger DDs too and my 15 year old is quite put out if I am not home with a meal for her at 4 o,clock.

Bad mum that I am, this is about half a dozen times a year!!!!;)

By the way

"YOU ARE NOT SILLY!" I think you are very wise.:T

sillylittlejill

Thank you
I would have liked to go to uni if I knew what I wanted to study but I would have been going for the sake of going really and it seemed pointless.

I can't wait to be a stay at home mum, just want to enough money before having kids to put down a deposit on a house.

The school system has some real problems, I feel like a complete failure and all my friends that are at uni think I am because I'm not working, living in my mums front room and have nothing If they'd seen me this time last year they wouldnt be saying that but the recession has ruined me

thanks again

Gigervamp

I've had the "when are you going to get a job?" question asked of me loads of times. :rolleyes:

My youngest is now 17 and I've had several conversations with my best friend about this. She needs to work for her own sense of value and expects the same of me. She also believes that my not going out to work is unfair on my husband. I did go out to work years ago when my kids were kids and I hated it. Only did it because my ex insisted, yet gave me no help when it came to arranging childcare. It was a nightmare.

Now, I wouldn't have the childcare issues, but we do have a dog and it wouldn't be fair on her to leave her alone indoors all day. We live comfortably on the one wage and my family eat good home cooked food and the day to day running of the house is my job.
If I went out to work, I'd expect the rest of the family to do their share of the cooking, cleaning etc and they're a lazy bunch. I know it wouldn't get done unless I did it, so I'd be stressed and unhappy and for what? More money that we'd spend on *stuff*. Whoop-de-doo. :rolleyes:

Yategirl

Sillylittlejill - you are NOT silly - change that user name!!!!!!!

I went to uni, did a degree and an msc, worked for a few years before having children, tried working part-time and made the decision to become a SAHM when I was pregnant with ds2... Being a sahm is much more fulfilling to me - knowing that my children have me here all the time, doing the school/preschool drop offs/pickups, being able to take them to the park with a picnic after school and to other activities and getting to school opendays/concerts etc, being at home to look after the animals, looking after the house and knowing that dh couldn't do the hours that his job required if I wasn't home to take control of the children/house/animals - we would both be stressed all time with trying to fit everything in, etc etc etc...

There ARE times when I get stressy with worrying about affording stuff - we are not big spenders, we don't go abroad for hols etc.. and I think we actually live quite well on a lowish income (hell... dh earns more now than when I first stayed at home - pure luxury!! :rotfl: ).. that doesn't stop me worrying but we are happy and comfortable and that is all that matters.

I DO get asked when am I going back to work or what will you do when ds2 starts school (in sept) and I know people find it odd that I am happy at home but you know what... I don't care!! My children, my dh, my animals and myself are more important, we can afford for me to stay home (albeit w/o luxuries) so that is all that matters!

sillylittlejill

In a perfect world my OH would be earning enough for me to stay at home but I would have a job that involved me working maybe 2 days a week, 3 or 4 hours a day. Something that isn't much at all but gives me something to think about away from OH and kids but if things don't improve then I will have to be a working mum. This is going to sound horrible but I want my children to have a better upbringing than me. My mother is constantly stressed and has been since she started working full time. She is always angry and blows up over the smallest thing. Obviously the recession has made this worse as my dad was made redundant but she has always been an angry stressful woman and I blame that on her work. She doesn't have a particularly stressful job but she is stressful in herself. I'd suggest her going to the doctors but she is a strong believer of depression not being real and it just being an excuse for silly little girls (ie me) to have a few weeks off work. I suffered with it really bad last year...

I don't care what people think of me, but I care what my family and friends think and they all think (apart from one or two) that I'm stupid and should get a job asap and only have time off for maternity leave.

Sorry, on a bit of a downer today. Job search is not going well. Part of me just thinks why am I looking if I'm not going to be working in a couple of years but then I remember how miserable I am living at my parents and realise that I do need a job until we get settled.

thanks guys for your comments, you're all really sweet

xxx

kidcat

Family opinions are the hardest to deal with ,especially as you are brought up to "respect" your family. All I can say is that you are not stupid and that you are doing what you believe to be the best for your family. I find that I am moving more away from needs any sort of endorsement from my parents but this has taken a long time and mental coaching to be able to do this.
And I still fall back regularly, I cooked a lovely meal for my parents a few weeks bac, spending hours in the kitchen and cleaning up before they arrived, at no point did they comment on the food (even though they eat ready meals etc usually cos my mum cant/wont cook) or even say thanks, yet if they visit and the house is messy or dishes are waiting to be washed they find time to comment on that, I work hard not to care but some days it gets to me.
I now take comfort in the knowledge that my kids are well fed and cared for, and that I am caring for a family of six on a comparatively low income, without resorting to credit, unlike friends who earn over three times our income with less kids yet still live on credit cards.
I take pleasure that this year I will be growing some veg and fruit, that my kids can be involved in this process.

Remember the money from any work you do will be finite yet the time you spend with them now will kast forever!