Can I clear a debt a month??

Tustastic

ehallett wrote:

The problem is how do I tell my mum that I want to move out again?? Last time, my dad was still alive and my older sister was still living at home!! I'm not going to move out of Portsmouth which means that my mum could come and see me on the bus (she doesn't drive).

My sister moved out about 5 years ago when she bought a house with her now husband but my parents were fine when she moved out.

I just feel a bit suffocated at the moment and need my own space. My boyfriend and I also want our own space as he still lives with his parents too.

This is driving me nuts, I really want to get cracking on getting everything ready for moving out but this is holding me back. Does anyone have any helpful advice?

Emily x

I'm a latecomer to your (excellent) thread so forgive me for asking questions.
Is/was your mother more concerned about your ability to live independently because you have a chronic health condition? Does she know and worry about your level of debt and your ability to pay your way? Would she be more or less concerned if you were to move into a home with your boyfriend?

I ask these questions because the moving-out chat might be easier if you were known to be doing really well with your health and your finances.

How much time does your mother have to spend on stressing about you? Does she work? Does she have a busy social life? Is she busy in the local community? If she was with your dad for years she might have lost the confidence to do anything new on her own. You could help by getting her to do local stuff with you - an evening class, helping with some community activity. Something that really would be more her thing than yours. Once she's hooked, you ease out.
Bit of a ramble and may not be relevant, but hope it goes well anyway.:)

ehallett

Tustastic wrote:

I'm a latecomer to your (excellent) thread so forgive me for asking questions.
Is/was your mother more concerned about your ability to live independently because you have a chronic health condition? Does she know and worry about your level of debt and your ability to pay your way? Would she be more or less concerned if you were to move into a home with your boyfriend?

I ask these questions because the moving-out chat might be easier if you were known to be doing really well with your health and your finances.

How much time does your mother have to spend on stressing about you? Does she work? Does she have a busy social life? Is she busy in the local community? If she was with your dad for years she might have lost the confidence to do anything new on her own. You could help by getting her to do local stuff with you - an evening class, helping with some community activity. Something that really would be more her thing than yours. Once she's hooked, you ease out.
Bit of a ramble and may not be relevant, but hope it goes well anyway.:)

Thanks for that. My mum doesn't know how much debt I am actually in. She is very sensible with her money and the only debt she has is the mortgage which is only around £30,000. I wouldn't want to worry her by telling her about my debt. As I see it, that's my problem and I would never ask her for help.

I have always been very independant in terms of my health and I do everything myself and don't really need much help, even when I've got an IV line in. I'm not in and out of hospital all the time and I believe I would be ok living on my own.

My mum is retired now, she retired nearly 2 years ago to look after my dad. She is always out and about and doesn't just sit around the house all day. She spends time with my auntie who is also retired and she sees my gran quite a bit (she is nearly 87 years old).

She still sees her old work mates and just went out with them at the weekend. She also does some waitressing jobs for a friend of hers who owns her own business. This is usually at the weekends on Saturdays and is sometimes during the week too. She goes to the gym with my auntie twice a week.

She does tend to keep very busy but it's the evenings more than anything I'm worried about. I don't really go and see my boyfriend during the week (he comes to see me) as I get tired if I have to drive back early the next morning. I work 4 days a week so I'm out of the house most days. I only really go to my boyfriend's at the weekends on a Friday night and I usually come back on Saturday evening.

I'm hoping that things will get better when my sister has her baby. When she goes back to work, my mum will be babysitting for her 3 days a week.

I'm just not sure whether to talk to her about my plans now or leave it until I'm ready to make the move.

Emily x

Seaxwyn

Hi Emily

I think you should talk to your Mum now, while the plans aren't imminent. That way you can introduce the subject as "if I move out" rather than "when I move out". You can talk it over more as an abstract topic than an immediate threat, and be able to understand what her objections are, and find ways to reassure her on those points.

Good luck

ehallett

Seaxwyn wrote:

Hi Emily

I think you should talk to your Mum now, while the plans aren't imminent. That way you can introduce the subject as "if I move out" rather than "when I move out". You can talk it over more as an abstract topic than an immediate threat, and be able to understand what her objections are, and find ways to reassure her on those points.

Good luck

Thank you - I will try and introduce the subject over the next couple of days. She has said before that if I move out then my rabbit and guinea pig have to go with me so maybe she's not completely against the idea!

Emily x

Tustastic

ehallett wrote:

She has said before that if I move out then my rabbit and guinea pig have to go with me so maybe she's not completely against the idea!

And she's not stupid either! From what you've written, it sounds like your mum has a full and busy life which is only going to get busier when she has the baby to look after. Seaxwyn's idea about having abstract conversations about moving is a good idea. Perhaps part of that could be about having a keeping-in-touch routine, whether it's about you wanting her to come round for dinner one evening a week, or whether the two of you do some activity together one evening a week. As people get older, they like having routines and stuff to look forward to. Or is it just me?:rotfl:
Just to state the obvious - you would be decent enough to rehome the rabbit and guinea pig if you couldn't afford a home suitable for them?

ehallett

Tustastic wrote:

And she's not stupid either! From what you've written, it sounds like your mum has a full and busy life which is only going to get busier when she has the baby to look after. Seaxwyn's idea about having abstract conversations about moving is a good idea. Perhaps part of that could be about having a keeping-in-touch routine, whether it's about you wanting her to come round for dinner one evening a week, or whether the two of you do some activity together one evening a week. As people get older, they like having routines and stuff to look forward to. Or is it just me?:rotfl:
Just to state the obvious - you would be decent enough to rehome the rabbit and guinea pig if you couldn't afford a home suitable for them?

I might speak to my sister first too and see what she thinks. She knows that I want to move out at some point soon and understands that I feel a bit guilty about leaving my mum on her own. She said that she would feel the same in my position.

I would never let my rabbit and guinea pig go. They don't live in the house so I would need to get a place with a garden so that they could come with me. Most of the places I have been looking at have got little courtyards with them that would be suitable. I've got a specific area that I want to move to.

My little Timmy and Gary will not suffer (great names I'm sure you'll agree!!). I've also got a cat but she is 13 years old this year so my mum has said that she would keep her.

ehallett

Thanks for all of your advice. I have just spoken to my mum about it and she was ok. She said that she would be a bit lonely if I moved out but that she didn't want that to stop me. She said that she might sell up and buy a smaller flat somewhere so that she didn't have a mortgage at all. I think if she did that then she would move nearer my gran and my auntie so that she could go round there in the evenings and vice versa.

I now feel better. I told my mum that I wasn't thinking of moving out until next year and that it would be close by so that I could pop round if she needed me and she could also come over to me.

I'm going to change my signature now - my priorities have changed

Emily x

summerday

Well done for speaking to her Emily, it must be a relief for you that she took the news well. It will be so exciting for you to get your own place and you will no doubt get some bargains on Freecycle and comp prizes. Good luck with it all.

Sarah x

ehallett

Thank you - I am feeling excited now.

I've changed my signature. I'm going to get a little 'flat fund' together of £2,000, I know I won't need that much at first but I would keep the rest in a savings account for emergencies.

I'm also going to clamp down on all my credit cards. I want to get them all cleared before the end of the year (£11,000 worth :eek: ). I will then only have my loans left to clear. Clearing my credit cards will take around £300 off my monthly outgoings.

I need some big prizes pronto!!

Emily x

JET34

I have just spent this afternoon reading your thread, And I must say what a insperation(sic) you are. No matter what has happened you seem to come through stronger...
Well done on starting the bank claim (i'm just starting to do this for my Mum) and congrat's on your sister's pregnancy.

anyhow I have to do some work now but I will be back to see how your getting on!!

Jane:rotfl: