suddenly seperated

homealone_2

my husband left me two weeks ago completely out of the blue, i have done all the weeping and whaling and although there is probably a lot more to come i really need to get myself organised financially. at this stage i dont even know if i can manage all our bills on my own but i need to find out soon. i have only one son now living at home who is in college, we applied for EMA friday as we now should qualify as income is now roughly £10,000. i am disabled so no longer work and receive DLA, IB and luckily still after 4 years off sick from work still receive £400 a month from my employers as apparently they held an income protection policy on my behalf, no one seems to know how long this will stay in place. besides applying for EMA i have also an application form for help with rent and council which i pay £530 a month rent and £104 council tax. they have also given me some more child tax credit that i am not sure i quailfy for so may end up with even more overpayments. i knew i owed them £8807 from 2003/2004 this week they have informed me that i also owe an additional £7351 as apparently every year my husband earns alot more than he originally quotes due to doing a lot of overtime and so we have been overpaid every year since the 2003/2004. i have found an organisation on the web that is offering help bullet points template letters and advice on contacting MP none of which i have started yet but will have to soon. my son is suddenly learning to cook as bit limited to amount of time i can stand to prepare meals so we are managing on a day to day basis and trying to make imaginative things that we find in the freezer, although i do woory about how long some stuff has been in there. if there is anything else money saving anyone can suggest or a bidge plan they wouldnt mind sharing i would be most grateful. i will also update you all on how am getting along if nothing else it will keep me focused if i have to report back. thanks in advance

pboae

Ok, there's two things going on here, first your finances.

Head over to the Debt Free Wanabee part of the board
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=76

Post a SOA (statement of affairs) listing absolutely all your income and outgoings, if there is money to be saved, they can help you save it. DO NOT pay a company to help you write letters or sort a claim out, there will be someone on either the DFW or Disability & Dosh boards who will be able to help you with that, or tell you where to go for free advice.

The second issue is your son suddenly having to learn to cook, get him signed up on here and send him to the Old Style board
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=33
He will get tons of help and advice there on simple meals, weekly meal plans, budgeting etc. Look out for threads on store cupboard challenges, grocery challenges, meal plans, etc. There's loads of info there on eating well on a tiny budget.

If you don't already have one think about getting a slow cooker too, they are great because you can prepare you veg as and when it suits you and just leave it to cook without having to stand and watch it.

Good luck!

squidge60

sorry no advice but hope you get through this x

Puzzledbubbles

Hi Homealone,

I just wanted to say hi, couldnt read and run, although my situation is different to yours (no kids) when OH decided he "didnt want to be married anymore" 2 months ago i was in bits!!!

Financially i found the easies thing to do was to get all of the statements out for the bank and to go through all of the payments that need to be made to who and when (you need this info for an SOA anyhow) and then put it all into a spreadsheet - that meant i could add exactly how much i get in and see how much was going out.

Also it might be good for you to see your local CAB - they have some fab advice and can help with paper work et - failing that i know my Gramp (who is disabled) had assistance with filling in forms etc from the council because his disability can make it difficult for him to get out, maybe the council has an advisor that can call round?

Anyways, if you want to moan, rant or wynge at anyone feel free to pm me - i know that it really helped me feel a bit better when i knew all the finances were sorted, it still hurts like hell, but was one less thing to worry about, hope its the same for you

Puzzled xx

johnpaulpops

Totally agree on the Citizens Advice part - the web is a useful start but it doesn't beat sitting down opposite a trained CAB professional for an hour or so.

Although it's fresh, it's probably a good idea to visit a solicitor to get an idea of exactly what you're entitled to from your husband. Most will offer the first consultation free so you can get a good idea of what's what without spendinf a fortune.

There are also a couple of good divorce sites with online forums, google will bring these up.

JP

lowis

sorry to hear of your troubles, must be very hard, but you sound like a strong and determined lady and i am sure you will work it out.

your husband is surely still financially liable for some things no? it sounds like it is his fault that you owe £15k in benefit 'over-payments' (i have understood this correctly?). i would get down to your local CAB office and possible even Women's Aid for some free advice.

good luck x

homealone_2

am getting around to all the practical things that need doing and people even has said its nice to see me getting over it???? no, i have not, i have just after 6 weeks managed to stop breaking down in tears during the day. but it hasnt stopped during the night. he still has not spoken to me or answered texts. finally spoke to his mum who said i had made him ill and he did not want to speak to me he was still very angry about it all, angry about what? i have tried to stop asking him. i have sent nice messages and stroppy messages anything to provoke a reaction but nothing!!! can i really move on with out knowing why what happened???

robster1964

Homealone, do not send any more messages.

Obviously, it is out of your hands...

I can see you are devastated, but we do not know the full story, neither do you....!

Continue with the practical things, you can't force any one to talk, who doesn't want to..... some times that is a coping message on its own.

Take care love, keep expressing your feelings

Lots of people here...

Robster xx

Puzzledbubbles

Hey hun,

I was hoping to see you on here again!!!! Ive missed you

Have you tried writing a letter to him asking him all those questions?

If so i think you may just need to cut your lossess and accept that he might not be ready to discuss things, unfortunately you know he isnt being rational at the moment and really isnt being reasonable at all so i think any messages might just make things worse (they definately did when me and my ex broke up - not only causing problems with him but making me personally feel a lot worse when he didnt reply, and then sometimes a hell of a lot worse when he did as what he was saying wasnt what i wanted to hear.

What did the Cab say? did you manage to get all of the advice you needed?

Let me know how you are hun

xxxx

swiss69

Mobile phones are a PIA! Before them you could just split up, walk away and never have contact again. Now its just too tempting to contact someone!

homealone_2

Puzzledbubbles wrote: »

Hey hun,

I was hoping to see you on here again!!!! Ive missed you

Have you tried writing a letter to him asking him all those questions?

If so i think you may just need to cut your lossess and accept that he might not be ready to discuss things, unfortunately you know he isnt being rational at the moment and really isnt being reasonable at all so i think any messages might just make things worse (they definately did when me and my ex broke up - not only causing problems with him but making me personally feel a lot worse when he didnt reply, and then sometimes a hell of a lot worse when he did as what he was saying wasnt what i wanted to hear.

What did the Cab say? did you manage to get all of the advice you needed?

Let me know how you are hun

xxxx

thanks for all your well wishes, sometimes you are the only people i can bear talking to. no judging, good advice and sometimes just a hug. i have got through most of the practical thing, paperwork wise! but have lost another 2 teeth since last posting! i have also had my financial chat>??? with CCCS the interview where i would be calmly reassured it was all fixable. well i obviously char someone with PMS because she was horrid, will post how i got on the bankrupt thread when i can finally relive it again. i managed to write out christmas cards and finished present shopping. thankfully alot of the expensive stuff had been bought prior the split. i have still sent some more texts but still no answer. after all the debts he left me with in my name. his name is on the warranty of my lap top which means i cant get it replaced. another long sory that when i can figure out which thread is suitable i will post that too. am approaching week 8 this friday and am slowly stopping jumping 6ft when the phone goes and checking my phone for texts every half hour. even when i do manage a couple of hours sleep i wake at 4am when he used to bring me a cuppa before he left at work.being disabled when this marriage work up and not working i miss that 8 hours of being to busy sorting out customers problems to think of mine. i feel like someone has stolen the future i had planned and am dreading going through the christmas and the new year as i know i will be expecting a call or text and i probably like lots of other people in the world will. thanks everyone