Help with 10 year old son please

jay11_2

Aaw hi moggy, I've gone all red now! I'm a career worrier too, so know what you mean. On the bright side my DD is 13 now and has been lovely for the last year, seems to have come through it wonderfully, but was a spotty, grumpy, greasy haired kid for a few years.

My ds is 15, and has barely started puberty--go figure! Blummin kids!

ETA, my DD is the quiet, more introverted, deep thinking type too--maybe it just hits them harder, maybe they notice and dwell on changes more?

Poppy9

Don't know if this will help but DD who is 13 became very very sensitive (she has always been a sensitive) when hormones kicked in.

Her worrying and tearfulness is still there but she's learning to accept it is her hormones but now she's developing attitude!!:eek:

Looking back it started in Y6 but I think like a lot of parents put it down to nervousness at leaving primary school.

moggylover

jellyhead wrote: »

I noticed in year 6 that the boys started getting b1tchy and would gang up on somebody. My boy became a bit unpopular with his old friends because they were all 9 months older than him and he wanted to run around playing doctor who but they stood around talking about runescape, which they seemed to play every waking minute, whereas my boy had limits on screen time and was a 'baby'.

A teacher at school got him into the drama club and gave him a comedy role in the play, so everyone thought he was cool. It did wonders for his confidence. He's also enjoying jujitsu classes at the moment - he's not sporty but finding something he likes and can do has been worth it. He's not so down about his body now, doesn't moan about being short any more. I think it makes him feel a bit safer, thinking that bullies might not be able to get the better of him (he was bullied last year for being tiny).

I remember puberty being awful - mum had other children and my brother was a nightmore - I felt that she didn't have time for me. I hope my son doesn't feel that way, I try to let him know that he can talk to me, and he gets time to chat at night when one of us goes to tuck him in. He prefers to spend time with his dad now, but it's me he talks to if he's feeling down, and it's usually at bedtime that he talks, so I make sure I go in to say goodnight.

Your posts on MSE suggest that you'd be good at that anyway, you seem very tolerant and understanding. Just let him know that you're there to talk to, if needs be. He'll probably have been told a bit about puberty in the year 5 talk, but if he hasn't been warned about feelings going a bit wonky it might be worth bringing it up and letting him know that it happens to everyone, and will pass.

Thank you Jellyhead:o Tolerant and understanding? Moi?! I feel certain that there are some who would definitely disagree!

I feel so much better for posting this and can see that I was rather over worrying the situation.

I have already done the "big" sex education talk with DS2, a little younger than I did with DS1 - but then I thought I needed to as he was showing outward signs of puberty. I will just make sure that I am there for him when he needs an extra hug or two - and this evening when he cried I just held him and told him it was okay and just to let it out.

It must have helped cos he went off to piano later, and then came back much happier. Had even talked to his piano teacher about whether he should pack up lessons and she had told him that would be a shame as he is so good, and this seemed to have cheered him up no end, and he seems to want to stay on.

I think I shall just need to haul out the patience, and not worry too much, and maybe just muck about with him when he seems down instead of too much questioning and worrying:o .

Thanks everyone - you have been marvellous and I feel much better, and he is fast asleep so hopefully he feels much better as well:D

moggylover

Thanks Jay, thanks Poppy! I suspect that a bit of me was worried about the sort of "depressed" bit as I suffer from depression myself and do not want him to grow up with that curse:o .

Will roll out the hugs and cuddles, and play hop-and-pop until my finger falls off (but I am NOT playing yugioh even to ease him through puberty:D ) and hold on to the fact that he is a bright kid, and that we will get through it together:o .

Thank you all so much for the kindness and re-assurance!

moggylover

jay11 wrote: »

Aaw hi moggy, I've gone all red now! I'm a career worrier too, so know what you mean. On the bright side my DD is 13 now and has been lovely for the last year, seems to have come through it wonderfully, but was a spotty, grumpy, greasy haired kid for a few years.

My ds is 15, and has barely started puberty--go figure! Blummin kids!

ETA, my DD is the quiet, more introverted, deep thinking type too--maybe it just hits them harder, maybe they notice and dwell on changes more?

Just noticed para 2 - 15 and barely started:eek: that must be hard at school tbh! The kids seem quite unforgiving of those that are slower to mature physically - and I seem to remember that they were just as bad when I was at school, although I was like DS2 and an early starter so that got me just as much teasing so you probably cannot win:rolleyes:

jay11_2

Hi Moggy,

Nah, he's a real cute charmer, nicest kid out, blonde, blue-eyed, defends his mates and doesn't engage with any nastiness, so everybody loves him. He's still a titch too, but the girls...

He's always been very strong too, so is well respected. Oh he's had his moments, but has enough mates that it's not an issue. He's a lucky lad.

jess1974

I'm so glad others are going through this aswell, my ds aged 10, has also changed from a happy, bouncy boy, to being sullen and moody at times. I am glad there is a 'reason' i was worried i'd never get my sweet boy back again....

Kippy

I think he's very lucky you are so concerned, but maybe you should lighten up a little, if he senses you are anxious it might not be helping, do some mundane things together, cleaning kitchen cupboards out or sweeping leaves sometimes when its not a formal "lets sit-down and have a talk" situation they tend to open up a bit, if he realises he's not the only one going through this it may be a bit helpful. Good luck, and be calm when he's around

:cool: Remember if he does voice any fears to you, no matter how silly they may seem. It is making his life miserable at the moment, so be advised not to broadcast his worries. He needs to be able to trust you if you can't do anything, the least you can be is a good listener

Steph998

Hi

I think what you are describing is totally normal for his age and the onset of puberty. My son was very similar. It's the transition between real childhood and the next stage...the mind maybe matures quicker than the body in some children.

My son is now nearly 18, and says he can remember being troubled about lots of things at that age...the reality of life 'hits' around about then. Horrible things we all have to deal with.... like the finality of death, the fear of losing someone close to them, wars..all the horrible things on the news. Not to mention more ordinary worries like secondary school, and all the mundane things in life. My son didn't want to talk about any of it fear of looking silly, or worrying me. I remember he stopped being interested in some of the the things he loved before ( whats that poem or verse about 'time to put away childhood things') and just started to change his habits. Watching more TV, more computer games etc.

I think in part it is natures way of preparing US too, for the changes in our children as they grow and become less dependent on us. My son was always a sensitive little soul....I could never bear the thought of him being hurt or upset and I tried to protect him all the time. (I probably still do if you seem my other threads!) But...when they start to change from this little angel you adore, into a monosylabic, grunting gorilla you still adore but feel less inclined to protect....you know it is time let them go a little.

I have never seen such a dramatic change in anyone as I did with my son between the ages of about 11 - 17.

That's how I see it anyway. I just wish I could take my own advice!

moggylover

Kippy wrote: »

I think he's very lucky you are so concerned, but maybe you should lighten up a little, if he senses you are anxious it might not be helping, do some mundane things together, cleaning kitchen cupboards out or sweeping leaves sometimes when its not a formal "lets sit-down and have a talk" situation they tend to open up a bit, if he realises he's not the only one going through this it may be a bit helpful. Good luck, and be calm when he's around

:cool: Remember if he does voice any fears to you, no matter how silly they may seem. It is making his life miserable at the moment, so be advised not to broadcast his worries. He needs to be able to trust you if you can't do anything, the least you can be is a good listener

Don't worry, I have only spoken to a couple of trusted people about this - and that is why I came on MSE to ask - because the annonymity helps him.

We do talk a lot whilst I am doing things, and I have taken extra care to let him "help" a bit more lately and to chat about "growing up" in a positive but casual way. He seems a bit better and more cheerful so will keep my fingers crossed and give him lots of hugs to help:D