Help with 10 year old son please

moggylover

Hi, I have a son of 10, 11 next February, and I am at a loss to know quite what is going on with him at the moment.

He has had very oily skin since about last spring, with blackheads around his nose and chin, which leads me to suspect that he is going in to puberty quite early (also greasy hair) and this is despite a good diet:o .

My worry is that he never seems to be interested in anything anymore, and seems quite sad and "depressed" much of the time. He also seems to feel that none of his friends at school like him anymore, and I will be having a word at school tomorrow to see if they have noticed anything in the way of bullying or biatching going on - cos I know boys do that as well;) .

Anyone else had this problem with a youngster - I don't want to rush him off to the doctors because he has always been quite a sensitive little soul and I think this would worry him and make him feel that there is something "wrong" about how he feels at the moment.

He seems to have lost interest in the things he used to love, especially learning to play the piano - and only appears happy when totally absorbed in either a TV programme or a video game of some sort - and I don't want to end up letting him play those more and more just to keep him "happy" so to speak.

jay11_2

My DD was the same at about 9yrs old, puberty kicked in early and seemingly quite hard, and she became withdrawn and sensitive. Just seemed to be absorbing/adjusting to the change.

EssexGirl

My son will be 11 in April and he has started to change in the past 6 months or so.
Sometimes he can be quite immature and very little boy, and other times he is moody and very teenager like. He has been getting the odd few spots but no greasy hair as yet.

Mine is more than happy to play playstation for hours on end as well, but all of the kids around here are like that too. We haven't let him have a TV or computer in his bedroom, so we can keep and eye on what he is playing and for how long.

I have noticed that the boys seem to be getting cattier as well as the girls, and they have all started "going out" with each other. Hormones are all over the place in the playground.

My son says people at school think he is "weird" because he doesn't care about fashion, hairstyles, fads, he has a uniquely dry sense of humour and he plays Dungeons and Dragons and Warhammer

I've just found out I'm pregnant with baby #2 and don't want him to feel that he is being pushed out. So we have made sure now more than ever that the doors of communication and love are wide open and that we are there for him and love him no matter what.

Give your son his space to blossom and be himself, especially at home as it's his safe haven, and make sure he knows that you are there.


The way I see it is it gonna get worse before it gets better :eek:

k66

I feel that he would benefit by spending some time participating in an outdoor hobby, daylight will help his emotional and physical health. He will need loads of reassurance as his body changes, also he is due to move to high school which could be causing him anxiety. Family walks, sports and chatter will all help.

Paparika

Don't panic thats normal, got a DS that is 13 and is still going through it, although his voice is now broken

mattogier

Be thankful you don't have a daughter! They are MUCH worse at that stage!!!

pandora205

Its puberty.. often sunny outgoing youngsters become sullen and moody. My cheerful, easygoing DD2 became introverted and deep overnight at about age 11. She's nearly 15 and still quite dark at times though less up and down than she used to be. Usually young people grow out of this phase and it is very common though not all go through it.

I would have a word with his teacher about friendships though as they can keep an eye out for him and support him in mixing with his peers/

jellyhead

I noticed in year 6 that the boys started getting b1tchy and would gang up on somebody. My boy became a bit unpopular with his old friends because they were all 9 months older than him and he wanted to run around playing doctor who but they stood around talking about runescape, which they seemed to play every waking minute, whereas my boy had limits on screen time and was a 'baby'.

A teacher at school got him into the drama club and gave him a comedy role in the play, so everyone thought he was cool. It did wonders for his confidence. He's also enjoying jujitsu classes at the moment - he's not sporty but finding something he likes and can do has been worth it. He's not so down about his body now, doesn't moan about being short any more. I think it makes him feel a bit safer, thinking that bullies might not be able to get the better of him (he was bullied last year for being tiny).

I remember puberty being awful - mum had other children and my brother was a nightmore - I felt that she didn't have time for me. I hope my son doesn't feel that way, I try to let him know that he can talk to me, and he gets time to chat at night when one of us goes to tuck him in. He prefers to spend time with his dad now, but it's me he talks to if he's feeling down, and it's usually at bedtime that he talks, so I make sure I go in to say goodnight.

Your posts on MSE suggest that you'd be good at that anyway, you seem very tolerant and understanding. Just let him know that you're there to talk to, if needs be. He'll probably have been told a bit about puberty in the year 5 talk, but if he hasn't been warned about feelings going a bit wonky it might be worth bringing it up and letting him know that it happens to everyone, and will pass.

moggylover

jay11 wrote: »

My DD was the same at about 9yrs old, puberty kicked in early and seemingly quite hard, and she became withdrawn and sensitive. Just seemed to be absorbing/adjusting to the change.

JAY!!!!!!! Hiya:T

I posted that earlier whilst he was at piano lesson - and have only just been able to get back to the thread.

I know that I am probably over-reacting really - just he is such a softy of a kid and I hate to see him so "flat". It helps to have someone else say that it is most probably puberty cos I am worrying that if I go with my feeling that it is - it will turn out to be something to do with us losing my mum and him needing to talk to a counsellor about it or something.

I'm also worried cos his paternal grandfather has alzhiemers and has already "left" us really, and I am not sure if he is worrying about that - but he says not, that he understands what is happening, and knows that it means we may loose him altogether soon. They do seem to have been through the wars in their short lives mine, and I suspect that is why I worry so much.

I also phoned and had a chat with the dinner lady from his school (cos she is a friend of mine) and she says she has only noticed that he sticks up for himself more than he used to, and is a touch moody:eek: , so we also think it is just puberty and I do feel a bit better now:o .

Thanks for coming back to me on that! I could Worry as an Olympic sport me:o

moggylover

EssexGirl wrote: »

My son will be 11 in April and he has started to change in the past 6 months or so.
Sometimes he can be quite immature and very little boy, and other times he is moody and very teenager like. He has been getting the odd few spots but no greasy hair as yet.

Mine is more than happy to play playstation for hours on end as well, but all of the kids around here are like that too. We haven't let him have a TV or computer in his bedroom, so we can keep and eye on what he is playing and for how long.

I have noticed that the boys seem to be getting cattier as well as the girls, and they have all started "going out" with each other. Hormones are all over the place in the playground.

My son says people at school think he is "weird" because he doesn't care about fashion, hairstyles, fads, he has a uniquely dry sense of humour and he plays Dungeons and Dragons and Warhammer


He sounds soooo much like my DS! Actually, DS says that other kids think that about him as well - but he is not bothered about the weird bit, cos he does like being "different", so at least I have done one thing right:o


I've just found out I'm pregnant with baby #2 and don't want him to feel that he is being pushed out. So we have made sure now more than ever that the doors of communication and love are wide open and that we are there for him and love him no matter what.
Congratulations on the new baby - and I will be sure to make time to give lots of extra fuss to my DS as well.
Give your son his space to blossom and be himself, especially at home as it's his safe haven, and make sure he knows that you are there.


The way I see it is it gonna get worse before it gets better :eek:

I know it will - and I have had the practice with DS1, but he seems to have done better with puberty and is making a smoother move into adulthood so far, apart from being a bit "Kevin" at times:rolleyes: . Mostly the tearfulness that DS2 is getting that has been bothering me: but then I suspect that 10 is fairly young for a boy (and it was shortly after his tenth birthday that this started) and maybe that is making it harder:o

moggylover

k66 wrote: »

I feel that he would benefit by spending some time participating in an outdoor hobby, daylight will help his emotional and physical health. He will need loads of reassurance as his body changes, also he is due to move to high school which could be causing him anxiety. Family walks, sports and chatter will all help.

Thanks for that, he does play Rugby for a local team, and also football for school - and he does have his older brother at high school so seems to be quite looking forward to that (and is definitely bored at Juniors now because he is very bright).

We do talk a lot, family walks are a bit difficult a lot of the time because I am disabled but we do go out together and he enjoys helping me to cook burgers and serve in the burger hut at the rugby as well.

He has always been a quiet and rather studious kid, rather than bouncy - but never unhappy, just self-contained iyswim.

He has always been quite resistant to "outdoor pursuits", but I do do my best to make sure he gets out a fair bit, and we have a deal that he has to help me by clearing up the leaves and fallen apples as often as possible in the garden to get extra pocket money so that he does get out there - it is amazing what they will do for extra money;)