Which baby/parenting book do you like best?

Dormouse

I'm just repeating what a lot of you said but I found the What to Expect series great as well. I had all three, WTE When You're Expecting, WTE in the First Year and now WTE in the Toddler Years. (I have a sneaky feeling I only bought the first one because Rachel in Friends was reading it when she was pregnant!).

Yes the books are American and it is a bit obvious sometimes (How to Find Dr Right for you...:rolleyes: ) but it didn't really bother me that much. Basically I just found the books a good mixture of medical info and behaviour/development issues. It's laid out nicely, mainly in question/answer form, so it's easy to read.

I've also got Toddler Taming and find it great for reasssuring me that all toddlers are mad and that's the way they're meant to be. Definitely a golden oldie.

I have a boy, so I've also bought Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph (sp?) (cost me 99p from Play with one of those nice voucher promotions), after a recommendation, but haven't read all of it yet. From what I've seen so far, I think it will become useful in the school/teenage years.

And I also loved Gina Ford's Potty Training in One Week - it worked for me 100%. Haven't done her other books, though.

carpool72

I like The Best Friend's Guides and Dr Christopher Green's books, my friend really liked the What to Expect ones but I never got round to reading them. If you can, have a look in your local library - I got most of the popular books out of there, then just bought my favourite (Toddler Taming - not much use for a 3 month old though! but the baby version's good too). Also, the NCT just brought out a new one called Your Baby's First Year - haven't read it, but the pregnancy version is my fave as it covers all sorts, so I reckon the baby one will be worth a look. You'll either love or loathe Gina, so try to get a borrow first!

But mum always knows best at the end of the day - trust your instincts & enjoy your baby.

SammyD_2

Having read her books, I am a "loathe Gina" type, I am afraid. But my son (aged 2) has always been in bed and asleep by 7.30pm so I am not convinced that having a routine (in the Gina sense) is what makes children do this. We have always done the bath/story/bed thing, but any more than that would make me feel like I was in the military. I couldn't deal with not being able to be spontaneous. And I am not sure how you deal with no. 2 (or 3, or 4) when there are older children who want to go to music classes/play groups etc etc if you follow Gina.

But others swear by it, I know. I think carpool72 (and a few earlier posters) is right "trust your instincts and enjoy your baby". It may be a cliche but "they grow up so fast" has new meaning since I had children.

KK

Personally - what to expect in the first year - brilliant; Toddler taming - very good and useful; Gina Ford - way too strict for me - where was time for mummy to go out for lunch? Good for people who need a Haynes type driving manual for babies e.g. no real instinct or confidence to follow what comes naturally. I liked the baby whisperer, had the Miriam Stoppard Complete Baby and Child Care which I never really read (and I'm a big reader) and really liked the NCT Book of Sleep when establishing a sleep routine. My daughter was not a good sleeper until 8.5 months so maybe I could have benefited from Gina Ford but it was too strict for me, although I know plenty of people who swore by it. Most useful of all? Talking to other people and realising that all babies are different! Good luck.

purplepurple

KK wrote:

Good for people who need a Haynes type driving manual for babies e.g. no real instinct or confidence to follow what comes naturally.

with repect, you're talking complete rubbish. You're implying that people who have read and adopted Gina Ford techniques are idiots... were you a natural parent? And I found that I knew exactly what time of day I could "go out for lunch" it wasn't hit or miss, I could plan seeing friends, plan a day out properly, plan trips out... mostly (not always, obviously) I could do this without a screaming/hungry/tired baby in tow. Whilst I totally agree that babies should fit in with your lifestyle (not the other way round) it was so much better knowing when to feed/sleep/play etc etc. No offence obviously.

As you say, every baby is different and what works for one may not work for another.... but if babies start off understanding what it feels like to be in a routine it helps them throughout their childhood... the teenagers that do best at school are those who understand routine and have the discipline to plan their days effectively....

rant over....

stardoman

Hi, purplepurple,

I guess it comes down to us all being different. I'm not a routine person and although I read the Gina Ford book I found it far too prescriptive. I haven't had a routine for any of my 3 children (youngest is 9 months). I get out and about every day and am not dragging a tired hungry child in tow. Feeding, sleep fits in with whatever we're doing. My children are good sleepers and I've done everything the wrong way (ie. baby is carried a lot, we co-sleep etc. Many people say I'm making a rod for my own back, but I know this is not true as it is how we brought the older two children up, and they are highly independant children).

I run a parent and toddler group and used to organise coffee afternoons. There have been complaints from those using the Gina routines that the times for these sessions do not fit with the CLBB. So I guess this gave me the opinion that the Gina Ford books were a bit restrictive (I read the book just before DS2 was born).

The most important thing to me is getting out and meeting people, otherwise I'm the type of person who starts to feel isolated. I also like doing things on the spur of the moment, so if a friend asks me back for lunch I like to be able to say "Yes" without worrying about nap times, etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone is different, and what works for one person will not work for another.

Mandy.

purplepurple

I totally agree with what you're saying Mandy! In my opinion any parenting book should be used as a reference book, not a "bible"... you have to allow flexibility and only take from it what you need. I think unless you try the gina ford routines, they can appear to be too regimented. Once you've actually tried them you can then adapt them to your lifestyle and to what suits your child best.
Everybody has their own correct instincts about how they bring up their children there are no rights or wrongs as long as your child is happy and healthy.... we are, as you say, all different and you know your child better than any author or "child expert".... but some parents do need a helping hand; not everyone has their own parents or families to help out, to advise them, to babysit etc etc so being able to plan ahead can really help some parents stay sane

stardoman

purplepurple wrote:

but some parents do need a helping hand; not everyone has their own parents or families to help out, to advise them, to babysit etc etc so being able to plan ahead can really help some parents stay sane

Just to be picky, you do not have to have a routine to be able to plan ahead. As I said in my previous post, I have not used routines with any of my children. However, I do plan to do things. I might plan to meet up with friends or meet up with dh during his lunch break etc. Although my mum and dad live near, they only see the children once a week, so are not that much help. I have no other family.

And when I go out with my children, I'm not dragging tired hungry babies around. Sleep, food etc. fits in. After all, I get hungry, thirsty and tired too. If I go into Starbucks for a coffee I feed the baby while I'm there. When we were on holiday DH commented on how little the baby cried. In fact there were days where he didn't cry at all. Whenever the family stopped for food, drink or to look at the scenery the baby was offered a feed - sometimes he did not want one, or just had a quick feed. We did not have to worry about when the baby's feed was due or what time it was (neither dh or I wear watches). We did not have to persuade the older children to wait for a drink to co-incide with the baby's mealtimes.

I appreciate that routines worked for you and know that they do work for some people. However, I have also seen negative effects of too strict routines especially when parents follow them to the letter rather than adapting them. I have seen problems caused when breastfeeding, where babies have become dehydrated because they are not being fed frequently enough. I have also seen new mums slip into pnd when the routine does not work - instead of thinking that the routine is wrong, some new parents think they must be doing it wrong. You have a sensible view when you say you don't actually follow it to the letter, but use the bits which suit you.

Sorry, for being so picky, but I felt you were doing down people like me who choose not to follow a routine. My children are not dragged around, tired and hungry and I do plan ahead to have a life!

Mandy.

purplepurple

Hi Mandy ... that wasn't my intention at all... I was merely responding to the comment made by an earlier poster implying that people who used routines lacked any instinct or confidence with regards to bringing up their children.
Nor was it my intention to imply that people who were spontaneous always had tired, hungry, screaming children when they were out and about. If my post came across like that I apologise.

However I do not know one person who, once they had adapted and adopted a routine such as gina fords, would ever do it any other way. As I'm sure those people who don't like routine wouldn't want to change either.

We are all different, children are all different... some children really respond well to having a routine, they like knowing what is ahead and like having boundaries set for them. Especially later on in life when they are teenagers... many of my pupils are just crying out for their parents to take charge and set boundaries. Many of them are allowed to do whatever they want, when they want and cannot cope with the routine of the school day.(I am not implying that these children are the children of parents who were spontaneous here at all... merely stating what has been my experience for nearly a decade of teaching)

gravitytolls

I'm not a Gina Ford fan either. I don't want to run a regiment, rather enjoy my adorable family. Having said that, sleep is probably the thing that worries parents the most. And if you watch tiny tearaways, the kind of methods used on older children work wonders, so I guess, as your baby grows, similar techniques probably work.

The best advice is to breast feed. We co sleep too, Baby is 13 mths, and still night nibbles, and I haven't had a period yet. I fed last one for 4 yrs, and didn't begin menstuation til he was almost 2. Whoopee!

Breast is great for baby, great for mum, and great for having a relativley normal life - it's on tap, it's the right temperature, it is available anywhere.

But remember, it is sore for the first couple of weeks, painful even; which can fill you with self doubt, especially if birth or recovery isn't as you'd have liked.

Best advice, flick through all the books before baby is born, find one that suits you, and give it a whirl, adapting it to you and yours. The bounty books are a fount of of info too.