Young(ish) SAHM -v- Working Mum?

**MissL2**

Hi Everyone

I'm looking for a bit of advice/reassurance from an unbiased source as all my family have their own 'views'.

Basically we have have a 9mth old daughter and my maternity leave is due to end in January 09 and our thoughts are turning towards me returning to work. I'd pretty much decided that I wasn't going back and that I'd become a stay at home mum but I've recently received a very significant pay rise from work which would mean working 20 hrs would pay £650pcm plus bonus. This just seems too good to walk away from especially as I'll be working from home and given the current financial climate its seems daft walking away from a job. I'm only 25 and I've worked and studied hard to get where I am.
However my family and DP think I should stay home with DD. This is my 'real' perference but I feel that this would waste all the effort I have put into my career. The thought of returning to work after 5+ years terrifies me. DP works away from home a lot often travelling to the US for upto 2weeks a month and my family think DD needs me whilsther daddy is away

Anyone been here? got any advice please

Lx

Smashing

What would make you happier, more content and make your life more fulfilling?
So much emphasis is put on 'what is right for the child' but kids are adaptable and there is no right or wrong answer. As far as I see it, a happy mum makes for a happier child. An unhappy, ground down mother overly concerned with do what is perceived is 'right' does not make for a good relationship with your child. Slightly less time spent with a mother who enjoys their child as opposed to one who is always there but constantly irritable and snappy is always preferable for me.
Is money a struggle right now? £650 can always come in useful and 20hrs a week does not mean you'll rarely see your child, but how much of this would have to go on childcare?

What are your options with work right now - is it go back in January or is it possible to go back another time if you decide you need longer?

Aside from your OH, who do you have for support - do family live nearby? Friends?

Don't be afraid of making the 'wrong' decision - nothing is forever and you can always change your mind in the future.

Miss_Kitty_Fantastico

I didnt want to read and run.

My only advice would be consider what is best for your little family and try not to be influenced by others.

I am in exactly the same boat so i have decided to return to work for 12 weeks and then decide which option i will go for. My oh and i agreed that it would give me time to decide how we all managed with me working and how much dd enjoyed nursery.

hth

fernliebee

I agree with the above, it has too work for all of you. Children are very adaptable, and as it is 20 hours, and some work from home, you could end up with the best of both worlds. If it doesn't work you can always leave work. On the other side of the coin you could extend your maternity (albeit unpaid) and return when she is a little bit older ie 12-18 months?? Only you can decide whats best try not to feel pushed in to anything.

Wish you well either way.

carlamagee

i just started back to work after maternity leave finished in july....i didnt want to go to bqack to work either, unforuntaely though, finances required me too!! 20 hours is what i do, and i am now very glad that i went back as it gets me out of the house, i dont have to worry about housework etc, and i found that being a sahm even while just n mat.leave, was very expensive, as i tended to be drawn towards the local tesco/sainsburys etc!!!! lol.
i break my 20 hours down to 2 nights and one day shift - however, even better if your able to work from home!!

And the end of the day, as everyone else has said - do what you feel is right for your family! they are the most important peope to please and probably the only people that your decision will effect!!!

good luck with whatever you do!!

conradmum

Why don't you try it for say 3 months then decide how you feel? Many women find doing a little work a nice change from caring for children. Other women don't feel they can do both. It's very much a matter of your personality, your domestic situation and your child/ren.

Sometimes pressure is put on new mothers to stay at home full time, especially by parents and parents in law. They often have a very traditional viewpoint and believe that a mother's place is with her children. However these days there are many very good mothers who also work outside the home. Their children are well cared for and not at all neglected. Simply staying with your children full time does not automatically make you a good mother.

The situation you describe, working from home for 20 hours a week, sounds an ideal way to keep your hand in and keep pace with changes in the workplace, without the stress and commitment levels of a full time job. You're fortunate to be in the position to be able to choose. Whatever decision you make, feel confident that you're doing what you really want, and not what others want you to do.

whitewing

I've worked since DS was 3 months old. It is now that he's at secondary school and approaching adulthood that I feel that he needs me to be available, and I want to be there outside of school hours.

Triggles

Ultimately, it's up to you what you want to do, if you have a choice. I went back to work initially after maternity leave, but I absolutely hated it. Neither of us liked someone else watching him full time and my work didn't give the option of part time. So after trying work a few months, we decided that me being a SAHM was a better option for us. DH works shifts and scheduling was a nightmare anyway, so this just works better for us. No child care issues this way. I am happy being a SAHM, having experienced how unhappy I was going back to work. Although our situation was different as I was not working part time and had no option of working at home at all. It does mean money is tighter, but honestly for us - after paying for childcare, my paycheck wouldn't be enough to really justify it anyhow.

I agree with the other posters that state that it might be a good idea to try it and see how you like it - if it doesn't work, you can quit with the knowledge that you at least tried it. No regrets that way.

**MissL2**

Thanks everyone. Think I will probably do a trial run for a couple of months and see how I go. I'm very fortunate that my mum will be providing childcare so what I earn will be ours to keep and she can also have DD at ours some of the time whilst I work upstairs. Guess that way I get the best of both!

Becles

The other thing to think of is how have you coped not working while you were on maternity leave? Is not working something you think you will feel satisfied with.

I've worked part time since my daugher was 8 months old. Sometimes it's hard leaving her, but I do enjoy the mental stimulation I get from work, and having an adult conversation that doesn't include anything baby related.

I know you can go and see other mothers at groups when you are a SAHM, but sometimes I found the conversations a bit tedious as it was all baby related. They looked at me as if I had two heads if I tried to start a conversation about something non-baby, like a current affairs issue or something

cazziebo

whitewing wrote: »

I've worked since DS was 3 months old. It is now that he's at secondary school and approaching adulthood that I feel that he needs me to be available, and I want to be there outside of school hours.

I think this is a very good point and often missed in these discussions. I've always worked - single parent since early on so it was a necessity. I think my kids were fine with a childminder and coped well. It's when they became teenagers that I think they really needed me much more and I had to be far more available. Had I not put the early investment into my career I wouldn't have been able to be flexible later.

It's your decision and no one else can judge you and your situation. If you were going to walk away anyway, why not try it as conradmum says? If it doesn't work out you could walk away then and you've lost nothing, but won't have the "what if" hanging over you?

good luck with whatever you do!
x