How long can it take to get over something?

Peakma

Life is full of ups and downs,you seem to of had a year with many stressful changes.Dont go to the Doctor for pills,thats not the answer.
If I were you I'd take myself off for a nice warm week in the sun,somewhere you've never been,enjoy your own company,listen to some waves going in and out,see new things,climb a hill,treat yourself to a new piece of jewelry,and take some time to reflect on life back home,dont stress about it.Feel lucky and excited about all the "ups" you will find around the next corner.

Mutter_2

Yes, grief and stress can have a delayed reaction, I'm sure of it. Think service people in times of war. They cope admirably at the scene, so it were, and crumble weeks, months or years later.

Luckily you have the means, so be kind to yourself. Get Doggie either in to great kennels or find a house/pet sitter. Book into a spa, either for a day or three. I've worked in one and they magic your cares away.

Be massaged and cared for, don't worry about being alone, so will others.

After, you may feel like signing on for a course at local college?

Nothing too horrendous, maybe Art or Sculpture, whatever suits your fancy.
After that, perhaps join a club in your area for friendship.
Oh, nearly forgot, have a look at the solos holiday site, I seem to remember the Glasgow branch have a great forum.
Oh, more, more, join a Ceroc dancing club. Google Ceroc and GO. I'd love to, but not sure about an oldie like me!

There!

Now can you help me? My life is a mess

cazziebo

Mutter wrote: »

Yes, grief and stress can have a delayed reaction, I'm sure of it. Think service people in times of war. They cope admirably at the scene, so it were, and crumble weeks, months or years later.

Luckily you have the means, so be kind to yourself. Get Doggie either in to great kennels or find a house/pet sitter. Book into a spa, either for a day or three. I've worked in one and they magic your cares away.

Be massaged and cared for, don't worry about being alone, so will others.

After, you may feel like signing on for a course at local college?

Nothing too horrendous, maybe Art or Sculpture, whatever suits your fancy.
After that, perhaps join a club in your area for friendship.
Oh, nearly forgot, have a look at the solos holiday site, I seem to remember the Glasgow branch have a great forum.
Oh, more, more, join a Ceroc dancing club. Google Ceroc and GO. I'd love to, but not sure about an oldie like me!

There!

Now can you help me? My life is a mess

mutter! You give such good advice - what help do you need?

Mutter_2

Hah, cazziebo, the forum might go into meltdown if I started to tell.

alyth

I thought exactly the same thing as you Cassie when I read Mutter's response to me - should say that a friend has just left after me talking for hours about everything, hence the lateness of the post! Talking is good, I wish I'd done it months ago.

I'll try and respond quickly to everyone's replies. Mojisola you are absolutely right, that's what I've been talking about with my friend tonight. Things happen for a reason, you may not know what the reason is, I've always always wanted to go to uni to study English, I'm 38 and should have done it 20 years ago. Friend and I were talking about how I could do that and I think really I could. My problem was that I sat and bottled everything up for 4 months, it's only in the last 5 days that I've talked, boy have I talked, I'm shattered but not tired if you know what I mean, hence posting in the middle of the night!

Joolsz, you're right, that's what happened - losing my job on Monday I guess was the final kicking and I just went into meltdown - I'm by no means better, but it meant that I reached out and sought the help that I needed, which was basically any poor soul that would listen to me (!) and it's so good to offload, and my friends have been amazing. I don't have money worries, at the moment people are throwing money at me between redundancy payments, the job that didn't work out has confirmed they will pay me a month's salary on Friday in lieu of notice, a holiday is exactly what I need, and I'll be concentrating on that this week. I am going to go and speak to the doctor, maybe not for tablets but perhaps to get some counselling, as I think speaking to an impartial person might help.

10past6 I don't leave the house through fear - fear of appearing stupid, very thought provoking post you made and I read it this afternoon and took the dog for a walk and thought about it. My friend earlier is going to take me out for dinner next week in Perth - bloody scary, never been out for 4 months, but I'll do it and it's another mountain I'm climbed. Mind you, he was in the army for years and also suggested a parachute jump as a challenge, that may be in the future!

Oystercatcher, again I've thought a lot about what you said about it taking one year for five years - I've another 2.5 years to go, which would tie in with what a friend said about her still dealing with her seperation 2.5 years down the line.

Peakma, my thing is stars - I sit outside in the freezing north and look at the stars, don't know anything about them, but I enjoy just sitting outside looking at them, in the same way you can listen to waves. A holiday is definately the answer, that's what I'm going to concentrate on this week, getting a week away in the sun on my own to reflect on everything.

And Mutter, you should be up for post of the month! Whatever help you need post, you'll get support like I have - I've read through this thread I don't know how many times today and have literally cried and some of the advice I've been given, you all have really busy lives but have taken the time to post wonderful and kind responses, and I will be so grateful to you all for that - hence I didn't want to go to bed without saying thanks and explaining some things.

I spend far too much time on my own reflecting and fretting about things, that's what I've learnt from speaking to so many people this week. I need to live in the moment, not plan too far ahead, not think back on what's happened, one thing that someone said in this thread is that I need to back off from ex, and that is so true - he comes round here to gloat but also to complain that he has no money, I only have money due to redundancy and my parents giving me a large chunk as I don't have kids and brother does so they give a lot to him.

I'm shattered but I'm also a lot calmer, I want to start the temp job and get back into a normal routine and just look after myself, one issue I have is with food in that I would rather take a pill that could make you feel full rather than cook, I'm not into food at all, so again from talking tonight I feel that I just have to go with the flow, not stress about cooking, just get on with it.

anything, this has turned into a massive cathertic type-off for me at 3am! Again thanks to everyone, your replies mean more than you will ever know, thank you all for taking the time to reply, a lot of thinking has been done today to your responses, and I can now see light at the end of the tunnel, although it's going to take a bit of time and TLC for me to get back up to speed.

Mutter_2

Dear Alyth, thankyou for taking the time to post, hope you are having a good lie in, well as long as your dog will allow.
The seeing less of your ex for now makes great sense, you can always become friends again one day when the rawness has worn off and your self confidence has returned.
Being made redundant, has absoloutely no reflection on your abilities, I can assure you.
After many sleepless nights my husband had to do the same to a long term member of staff last week. A horrid thing to have to do, but takings are down so drastically and overheads increasing, we had no choice.
Thanks for your concern and Cazziebo too, but I only have the same problems as many others in this horrid recession.

I shall watch for posts on how well you are progressing, don't forget to look at Solos http://www.solosholidays.co.uk/ It is not a dating site and you can spend all day alone if you wish but at least you'd have company for dinner.

Looking forward to more of your news, Mutter.

Butterfliesarepretty

alyth wrote: »

I thought exactly the same thing as you Cassie when I read Mutter's response to me - should say that a friend has just left after me talking for hours about everything, hence the lateness of the post! Talking is good, I wish I'd done it months ago.

I'll try and respond quickly to everyone's replies. Mojisola you are absolutely right, that's what I've been talking about with my friend tonight. Things happen for a reason, you may not know what the reason is, I've always always wanted to go to uni to study English, I'm 38 and should have done it 20 years ago. Friend and I were talking about how I could do that and I think really I could. My problem was that I sat and bottled everything up for 4 months, it's only in the last 5 days that I've talked, boy have I talked, I'm shattered but not tired if you know what I mean, hence posting in the middle of the night!

Joolsz, you're right, that's what happened - losing my job on Monday I guess was the final kicking and I just went into meltdown - I'm by no means better, but it meant that I reached out and sought the help that I needed, which was basically any poor soul that would listen to me (!) and it's so good to offload, and my friends have been amazing. I don't have money worries, at the moment people are throwing money at me between redundancy payments, the job that didn't work out has confirmed they will pay me a month's salary on Friday in lieu of notice, a holiday is exactly what I need, and I'll be concentrating on that this week. I am going to go and speak to the doctor, maybe not for tablets but perhaps to get some counselling, as I think speaking to an impartial person might help.

10past6 I don't leave the house through fear - fear of appearing stupid, very thought provoking post you made and I read it this afternoon and took the dog for a walk and thought about it. My friend earlier is going to take me out for dinner next week in Perth - bloody scary, never been out for 4 months, but I'll do it and it's another mountain I'm climbed. Mind you, he was in the army for years and also suggested a parachute jump as a challenge, that may be in the future!

Oystercatcher, again I've thought a lot about what you said about it taking one year for five years - I've another 2.5 years to go, which would tie in with what a friend said about her still dealing with her seperation 2.5 years down the line.

Peakma, my thing is stars - I sit outside in the freezing north and look at the stars, don't know anything about them, but I enjoy just sitting outside looking at them, in the same way you can listen to waves. A holiday is definately the answer, that's what I'm going to concentrate on this week, getting a week away in the sun on my own to reflect on everything.

And Mutter, you should be up for post of the month! Whatever help you need post, you'll get support like I have - I've read through this thread I don't know how many times today and have literally cried and some of the advice I've been given, you all have really busy lives but have taken the time to post wonderful and kind responses, and I will be so grateful to you all for that - hence I didn't want to go to bed without saying thanks and explaining some things.

I spend far too much time on my own reflecting and fretting about things, that's what I've learnt from speaking to so many people this week. I need to live in the moment, not plan too far ahead, not think back on what's happened, one thing that someone said in this thread is that I need to back off from ex, and that is so true - he comes round here to gloat but also to complain that he has no money, I only have money due to redundancy and my parents giving me a large chunk as I don't have kids and brother does so they give a lot to him.

I'm shattered but I'm also a lot calmer, I want to start the temp job and get back into a normal routine and just look after myself, one issue I have is with food in that I would rather take a pill that could make you feel full rather than cook, I'm not into food at all, so again from talking tonight I feel that I just have to go with the flow, not stress about cooking, just get on with it.

anything, this has turned into a massive cathertic type-off for me at 3am! Again thanks to everyone, your replies mean more than you will ever know, thank you all for taking the time to reply, a lot of thinking has been done today to your responses, and I can now see light at the end of the tunnel, although it's going to take a bit of time and TLC for me to get back up to speed.

hi alyth I think i have spoken to you before, try not to get down. I am also in probationary period of my new job and after being unemployed for six months I am lacking in confidence and keep thinking they will get rid of me. I keep being dizzy at work (forgetting things) and the job is good but really want to work from home as typist. going to try it part time first and see if it takes off.

You will ge through this believe me as I have been through some trying times too this year.

alyth

Hey Shaw, we have spoken in the past, glad to hear you've got a job, good luck with your probationary period, I think the trick, and I've been looking into this today, is to live in the moment - only concentrate on the one thing that you're doing at the time - like if you're eating your supper, concentrate on that - the taste of the food, etc. I've been doing that today and it's been working. I know it's hard to stop your mind jumping all over the place but I'm going to try that for a few days and try and get the negative thoughts out of my head.

God, life's crap sometimes isn't it - seems like a lot of us here have been through awful times recently.

Butterfliesarepretty

What happened with the job, did they tell you why you were not kept on??
I have just put my advert for copy typing on a website, just hope I get some work through it as I do want to work from home rather than go to work. But I guess I will find it hard seeing as I support myself. Bills are around £700 a month!!

mumoftwins

Hi,

I have just read through your thread and your reactions are perfectly normal. I,too, went though a divorce, a house move, leaving a job I loved, financial problems etc,etc. I coped well for the first year then went into serious melt down! I put on a brave face for everyone and kept my troubles to myself thinking I was coping really well.

When I fell apart I found that there were a lot of people out there who just loved me and comforted me for being me not for what I was going through, so I guess you have done the right thing by reaching out for those who will comfort and love you - keep doing it its a big part of getting better!

If you like to sit and gaze at the stars then I can recommend Egypt as the sky at night is a beautiful inky blue with such bright stars - its mesmorizing!

I do hope that by talking to your friends and to us on here that you will start to regain your confidence and become the person that your friends know and love.

Lots of love and best wishes,

MOT xx