How long can it take to get over something?

alyth

I'm asking this purely to get others interaction on this. I separated in April after 15 years, was made redundant in June on the day I moved into my own cottage, didn't work for a month, started a new job in August, was told on Monday at the end of my probationary period that I wasn't being kept on, and have lost it totally! I coped fantastically well until the last month or so, my new house is perfect, I have more money than I know what to do with, but it seems like losing my job on Monday has thrown me right back to April when ex walked out and I just had to keep going on working, coping with things, etc.

Can things suddenly hit you 7 or 8 months down the line? Ex and I get on well, house is on the market, he comes round for coffee, I have good friends, I never leave the house so I suspect that it's a reaction to being on my own for so long with no one to talk to apart from the dog. I met someone that I used to work with today and she said she's seperated 2.5 years ago and that she's struggling badly, although her ex ran off with someone and she has kids and I don't, but on Monday night I lost it totally and called a friend in desperation and he came and took me to his house and I basically sat and talked for about 12 hours then slept for 24 hours!!! I do tend to bottle things up and never talk about anything, and my friend thinks I should go and see a doctor and perhaps get some tablets, which I don't agree with but I can see the logic in.

Anyway, my point isn't to comment on my personal circumstances per se, but to find out whether something can suddenly hit you when you think you are coping perfectly well with things, and how you reacted and what you did.

Thanks. Alyth

pinkemsy

I think much of psychology is based on reactions, in the short and long term. Eg, at worst maybe how you dealt with abuse as a child and how it affects you now, or maybe how you feel a week after getting a bad review at work. You sound like a sane person with a good support network. Maybe now is the time to evaluate your life, in a good way, and decide what direction to go in? If you just plod on maybe this will hang around until you have a good think about things? Best of luck.

pinkemsy

oh and ps - the answer isn't always to go to the GP for tablets as I'm sure you know.

alyth

thanks Pink, I am an extremely sane and normal person who maybe has just had a few kickings in the last few months, evaluating my life is exactly what I'm doing now, I guess I just had a hysterical and perhaps a panicky attack on Monday night after losing my job for the second time. This weekend is definately evaluation time, no dependents, no debt, chance to do what I truly want to do, and appreciate your comment about the tablets, never done that, don't want to, it was a suggestion from a friend that prompted it, I'd never even thought of it until she suggested it.

Thanks for replying. A.

clairehi

Well the answer is yes, but hello...

you've just lost your job, after a relationship breakdown and moving house

thats 3 major traumas in less than 1 year! anyone would be losing it at this point.

sorry you're having such a cr*p time. be kind to youself, and try to spend time with other people who will be kind to you to, you deserve it.

C x

Savvy_Sue

alyth wrote: »

Anyway, my point isn't to comment on my personal circumstances per se, but to find out whether something can suddenly hit you when you think you are coping perfectly well with things, and how you reacted and what you did.

Yes, things can suddenly hit you. I have a friend whose adult son died over a year ago, and she says the second year is worse. Perhaps because you think it can't be worse, but it still is.

You could ask your doctor about seeing a counsellor rather than taking tablets. Sounds to me as if you need someone to talk to more than anything.

Voluntary work if you don't need the money, adult education, local history / walking / art group - any of these might also help.

bringmeshoes

as others have said you have had a lot to deal with in a short space of time and as a lot of women do you have bottled it all up to 'cope' with the other things in your life andhave kept yourself busy with work etc now that you have had time to stop think it has all come flooding to you at once which is perfectly natrual, just take the time you need & deserve to coem to terms with it all and you will come out stronger for it

Mojisola

Give yourself the time to let the feelings out. If I knew you and found out that you hadn't cracked at yet another blow, I'd be surprised and think it was rather abnormal!

It will be good to evaluate your direction in life. This is my philosophy but I think someone's trying to tell you something. In this situation, I ask the universe (or whatever you want to call a higher power) for guidance. Usually within the next few days, the same thing is presented to me at least three times - for instance, a friend mentions something, you switch radio stations and there's a discussion about the same thing and the magazine you pick up at the hairdressers falls open at a page with an article on the same subject. Ask the question, and keep an open mind!

JoolzS

It sounds to me as though the final thing (being told you weren't being kept on at work) sent you into shock. The human mind is a very strange thing and can do very strange things to you. I witnessed this with my mum a few years ago when someone very close to her died and she simply couldn't cope. Her doctor described beta blockers for a few days which really, really helped. I'm not saying that you should rush to your GP for pills, but don't dismiss the idea out of hand. I know that a lot of people think they are being "weak" by getting pills for emotional problems, but, as a sufferer of depression, I know that it's no more "weak" taking pills for the brain than it is to take painkillers for a headache or insulin for diabetes. It is also better to see a doctor sooner rather than later if you think you need to. Spiralling down into full depression is not a nice thing to do - I know I wish I'd caught mine sooner.

It does sound as though you have a good support network and talking is always a good thing. I do hope things pick up for you soon.

As it appears from your posts that you don't have any financial worries then it might be good for you to simply "stop the world and get off", just for a little while. Don't worry about other people, don't worry about doing things "because you should". If you want to stay in bed all day, watching soaps and eating chocolates - then do it, completely guilt free. As long as you feed and walk your dog I'm sure s/he won't care - especially if you share the chocolates .

Julie

10past6

alyth wrote: »

I never leave the house so I suspect that it's a reaction to being on my own for so long with no one to talk to apart from the dog

Is this by choice, or by control of fear?

Given what you’ve been trough in a short space of time, I suspect you’re confidence has been severely dented.

As someone who has suffered from psychological issues for well over 30 years, recovered from 2 nervous breakdowns I can tell you Dr’s and medication are not always the answer.

The issues that control us are the ones that have the most impact on our lives, what I suggest you do is view your issues as a challenge, in that, rather than let the issues control “You” turn the issues round and challenge them, prove to yourself “You” are in control of the issues, rather than the issues being in control of you.

Trust the above makes sense.

Good luck

oystercatcher

When my marriage broke down someone quoted to me that it takes one year to recover for every five years that you were together. From my experience this seems pretty accurate.

I too had a breakdown a significant time after my divorce. Although I seemed to be coping well, suddenly additional stress at work and several other 'life issues' had me breaking down and needing several months off work.

Be kind to yourself, talk to people who will listen and be kind, you will feel better but it takes time.

hugs

Oystercatcher