Big families

Alikay

We've got 3 - girl, boy, boy. It's the right size family for us, and we're incredibly thankful that we were able to have them and that they're all healthy.

I think the number of children a couple have is a very personal decision - if, indeed it IS a decision...lots of people simply don't have that luxury of choice. It seems to be an area where the world,his wife and their dog all want some input, though .....if we had a pound for every time we had to justify or explain our family size and reasons for it, there'd have been enough money for a fourth one:D

NemoToad

I was one of 4 and I think it's definitely do-able. In our family the age gap between oldest and youngest is 11 years (now aged 28, 23, 21 and 17).

We always went on holiday each year. We'd always stay in holiday cottages or camp, and mostly we'd stick to the UK (although when we did go abroad to France, and Holland once we always camped). But that was what a holiday was and I didn't know any different (and I'd still chose that myself!). Camping was a great adventure. We went to lots of castles and things and I do remember my parents not being able to get family tickets, but we also did lots of walking and beaches and things that were free on holiday too, and I still love walking!

My parents didn't (and still don't) earn that much. My mum gave up work when my big brother (now 28) was born and only started doing odd jobs (cleaning and looking after a couple of children) when we were all at school (my youngest brother is 17) and it was only during school time. When we were all a lot older she took on more work, but was/is always home to cook us a wholesome tea! My dad was definitely not on a high wage either (I'm not sure how much but all 3 of us who went/go to Uni got the full loan, and those that were at school when EMA was introduced got the full amount), but I never felt I missed out on anything.

My parents bought the house they live in now when my oldest brother was 2 and at the time it was just big enough for them (it needed a lot of repair I think so they had to live upstairs!). With each child the house has expanded. Originally it was a 2 bed, but first they converted the attic to live in (my parents room). When the 4th came along my parents divided the front bedroom into 2 and one became a nursery for the 4th! Me and the brother closest to me in age shared a room for a while until the baby was old enough to share and then the rooms changed again! When we were all older and wanted our own spaces the attic was split into 2 bedrooms! So now they have a 5 bed house. Although I'm sure this was all expensive I'm sure it was much cheaper than moving house lots! My point is that it was all do-able.

Cornishpixie_2

I have 4 children. DS3 being a surprise, I blame Hubby he was meant to have the "Snip" after DD:D Funny because I used to dream, that I would have 4 children. My DH was an only child so stopping at 1 wasn't an option for me.:rotfl: I would go for it. Being financially straped allows you to be more creative and hold recycling with high regard. DD the voice of "Authority", informed DS3 that when he goes to school full time in Sept, he'll have to lump packs, as Mummy can't afford School dinners:D

FrankieM

I think your family size is such a personal thing and what ever you choose someone generally has something to say about it!
I have 4. 14, 13, 11 & 10. They all shared to begin with, then 2 &2 and then the 3 girls in one room and son in box room. Now my eldest has a tiny room to herself, my son has the box room and the other 2 share. I think its a modern phenomenon that suggests children need their own rooms and space.
Yes, you need a bigger car.
I have made it clear to my children they have to buy their own cars, their own houses and their own degrees. If they want these things badly enough, they'll work for them. Mine do still wear hand me downs but generally wear the same couple of outfits til they fall apart or grow out of them.
I think you can make anything fit into your budget if its important to you. You can find enough love and time for any number of children too. Its all about what your priorities are.

FrankieM

I forgot to add, as an only child the only thing I still struggle with the most is the huge amount of noise 4 children make, even as they get older...

Lizbeth

Sarymclary's post sounds so similar to our childhood lol! I'm one of four (two years between each of us) and had a fantastic childhood, and even though we've all moved out now we're still close.

There was always a lovely buzz in the house and we did lots of cheap things like crafts, playing in the garden, dressing up, day trips, camping (even just in the garden!). We were very good at entertaining ourselves and Mum made two tents - one that fit around the bunkbed and a waterproof one that went over the swing - we spent hours playing in them!

Dad (who is one of eight) worked long hours and Mum 'ran' the home (it was like a military operation!). We had lots of fun but I think it helped that my parents were very organised, creative, worked together and made sure we knew the boundaries. They were very fair and clear that 'to treat you equally we have to treat you differently' - we understood that just because someone had got 'x' didn't mean we should automatically get 'y'.

My sister and I shared a room as did the boys and I think we're more close as a result. There's six years between my sister and I, but we worked round it and didn't know anything else.

Us kids used to eat before Dad came home, then we'd spend some time as a family before we were sent off to play while Mum and Dad had a meal together to catch up for half an hour. Afterwards we'd have a bath/story/go to bed with staggered bedtimes for the younger and older two (which also allowed our parents to spend more quality time with us).

The house was always busy and when Dad came home from work it would take him sometime to notice when we had a friend over! Mum used to cook everything from scratch and is a master at making food stretch - even now we can drop round unexpectedly and she'll can magic up a meal. We all helped out with housework/making packed lunches.

On our birthdays we used to have a little family party, then we'd have our legendary 'summer party' once a year where we'd have an open house all day and invite our friends to play in the garden. People could come whenever suited them and bring the whole family.

On day trips we used to take packed lunches and didn't go to many places that charged entrance as everything would be x6, but we understood and didn't mind. We never went abroad as a family, but used to stay in family rooms at Youth Hostels in the UK and each had one foreign school holiday at some point.

The cost of activities - such as swimming, scouts - does mount up though. As we got older and our interests differed we all ended up doing different things every night of the week, so in the end my parents had to draw the line with giving lifts! We used to make our own way to activities and they'd collect us.

I know things were tough financially as we were growing up with the last recession and high interest rates. I don't think it was that much more expensive having four young children as we shared toys and had hand-me-downs (except for the people carrier), but the costs started rising as the lads grew to 6'4"+ and ate huge amounts, we needed new clothes, created loads of washing, started doing more activities, all went to uni! We had part-time jobs from about 13/14 (although the lads had to be pushed lol!) except when we were doing exams etc.

I was the first to move out and found the quiet hard to get used to - I had to have the radio on constantly!! I cannot think of a better childhood; I love being one of four and grew up thinking I'd have four children myself, but now I'm not sure I could afford it especially as I haven't got myself sorted yet!

Hardup_Hester

I have 4, now all grown up & despite going without some 'stuff' all my kids feel they had a reat childhood, so much so that 3 out of the 4 also want a big family, the 4th loves kids but is with someone who doesn't want any.

betterlife

hi, i have 4 children, jake 7yrs, tyler 4yrs, rheannon 2yrs and cody is 16wks. i love having a big family , i am 31 and a stay at home mum. finance wise is how you make it really, we are not on a very big income, but we live ok. my children never go without but are not spoilt either. they have had some hand me downs like, 3 have had the same cot (4th wasnt planned but bought a second hand cot for £20 that had never been used) some toys, occassional favourite item of clothes but not much really. we have`nt managed to buy the people carrier yet, but we still get out as during the week there are some at school and at weekends we can walk etc. im quiet happy to buy second hand as long as its in good condition. sometimes its better buying something better quality secondhand than something cheap new. i cook from scratch as it saves money but also its much better for the children and i enjoy it. yes theres more washing, cleaning etc but everyone does there bit. its hectic at times but the pros so outway the cons. as for uni/ the kids future they all have there own trust funds set up to help them when they come of age. school trips etc i always put money away each week, yes they might not need much at this age but it will be there for when they do. when the kids are all in full time school i will have the option to work then if needed. children dont need to be expensive, if you wait until you think you can afford it before having them you will never have them. we live in a 3 bedroom house and rent it. we have thought about a morgage as i always wanted to have something (house) to leave the kids when we pass on, but at the moment we have saving investments set up so we can help them when they need it the most like buying their 1st house etc rather than leaving them money/house in a will when they will hopefully be older and financially settled themselves. x

*Louise*

I am the eldest of 4 and to be honest, I didn't like being part of a 'big' family (even though 4 isn't really all that many) my dad was made redundant during the problems in the 80's and after that there just never seemed to be 'enough' of anything. I was teased and bullied for years at school for being 'poor' :rolleyes:


I decided for myself that 2 kids would be enough. We ended up having 3 (2 boys and a girl) and I am determined there will be no more. We had to by a bigger house when we had our DD. For some reason people keep expecting us to announce we are having another - no flipping chance!:rotfl: I like life to be comfortable and I don't want to have to struggle with money the way my mum did.

Having a 4th would cost a fortune I reckon - we would need a bigger car, another house and day trips would become scarce. I like to take the kids on lots of days out - we always take a picnic with us because a lot of places cost so much. It's when they get older I worry about the costs more - teenagers seem to cost a fortune!:rotfl:

jess1974

I have 3, 2 boys and a girl, i must say at the moment i'm finding it very hard work, if i could have my time again, i'd probably just have 2...

Before anyone jumps on me, i love them all to bits, its just my 10 year old ds is being a complete horror at the moment.

I am clinging onto the hope that its his hormones, and he'll grow out of it....