Big families

pukkamum

I would love to have a big family (i have 2) but i am constantly having a heart versus head argument with myself.

I know that if we had more kids then days out would become even more expensive so would probably stop, we would have to get a bigger car, xmas and birthdays would become harder.

On the other hand to have the house filled with the energy that comes from a big family would be wonderful, plus if you have lots of kids chances are at least one of them will look after you in your old age lol!!!

But am i depriving the kids i've got by having more????

My husband and i already talk about how great it will be when dd goes to school and i go back to work and we will finally have extra cash again, but should money rule your life???

Part of me wishes i would have a 'happy accident' then the decision is taken away from us.

Sorry i haven't helped!!!!!

cazscoob

i have 4 kids at the mo with no 5 being cooked as we speak lol! they are 8,6,3,9 months.food wise we all eat healthily with a good varied diet and TBH if we watch what we spend and make meal plans and cook from scratch we only spend £60 a week on food!

we need a bigger car at the moment but am going to wait until after xmas, going out is expensive but there are ways around it all with money off vouchers or waiting for deals to come up(taking pack lunches is vital as a round of drinks can be costly)

my kids know that they will get days out and holidays away but that does mean that they dont ask for everything going. we have lots of after school activities they attend and we take walks to the park or take the dog out.
at christmas they get to pick one big thing they really want and 2 smaller presents(they do get more than this but that way they get what they really want) birthdays we buy them what they want and family are asked to buy them clothes. we have a way around most things and find that we work out as a big family, we all pitch in together and i wouldnt have it any other way. i have friends with 2 kids and they always ask how we manage and it seems to be easier with this lot than theirs!

RASTIE_2

Well we've got four kids 1 girl of 10 & 3 boys 7,4 & 7 months & we wouldnt have it any other away,we have days outs :T to tesco clubcard points,& always try to get away for a week at somepoint in the year,yes its loud & noisey,but its always nice to come home from work to a "lively" house.agreed with shopping that can be a bit stressfull:rotfl: but in the whole its definatly worth it.

maryjane01

I am one of five. I went to Catholic school in Australia when I was growing up, and my 2 best friends were also one of 5. There isn't as much of a class system in Australia, but I would have called us all lower middle class, we all went on to uni and had siblings that went to uni, but we all had after school jobs at a supermarket or a fast food store.

If you have always shared a room you don't know anything different, but having said that houses in Australia tend to be bigger with bigger rooms and have bigger gardens and you could play outdoors more of the year because the weather is better and it is not as dark in winter.

I never went abroad till I was 19 and went back packing on my own (my dad never went abroad till this year to visit me and he is 60!). Day trips always involved packed lunches.

At the time when I was a teenager I felt I missed out on 'designer clothes' but every teenager does, if they get some they want more or there is always a classmate with more. Looking back I don't feel I missed out on anything.

If your kids are the only ones frmo a big family it might seem more odd though I guess and they might feel a bit more unusual. If they are loved and supported that is the main thing.

sarymclary

I have 4 children. 6 if you count 2 stepchildren, although they don't live with me.

I had my 4 boys with my husband, and initially we had stopped at 2 because we were very hard up after I stopped working. When his career took off, we were able to move to a bigger house, and no3 came alone, then I fell for no4 and we moved again. However, things went awry, and we split up. Not long after he died, so have been a totally single parent.

It has been much harder to provide for them on my own, as opposed to when my husband was earning a good wage. We have had to downsize our home considerably, so they all share small rooms, after having a big room each, and that definitely affected their ability to get on with each other at first. We do still have the people carrier to get us all around tho', but it's getting expensive to run.

The costs increase the older they get. They eat much more than me, so if I'm doing a chicken curry, it's 1kg of chicken breasts. I have to get a supersize chicken for a roast, or the half price beef joints, but still about £12 a joint. I get through 10kg of potatoes a week. I buy the massive bags of pasta from supermarkets.

My box of Persil soap powder is from a carboot at £15 for a huge box (twice the size of the largest one you can get in the shops). I average 1-2 loads of washing every day.

Days out have to be inventive, with a packed lunch. A trip to MacDonalds costs over £20. Trips to the fair are a no-go. We do lots of outside trips to the seaside (without a funfair or slot machines, so no Skegness), we do museums and I have membership to the National Trust so get the whole family in as many times as I like per year for about £60. That includes stately homes, parklands, nature reserves, etc.

I save each month towards Christmas, and the boys have a set budget for birthdays and Christmas. This year is extra tight for cash, so they're having a big joint present of a Wii, plus an expensive game. That leaves some of their budget for individual stuff too. Christmas is always loud, we have lots of party games, etc., but we don't get invited round to other peoples!

You have to be incredibly organised, and so do the children. Your time with the older children lessens when younger children demand it so much more, but it balances out as they all get older. My younger two still want lots of cuddles and to sit with me, but they have strict bedtimes and go up by 8pm (they're 8 and 10). The older 2 go to bed at 9pm and 10pm, which means they both have the chance to get a bit of 1 to 1 time with me, and we can have more adult conversations, and enjoy more adult TV programmes together. I make a point of asking each of them how their day at school was, and try to find out what each of them are doing before school too.

We sit down to a joint family meal every night. I insist the older boys have to be home by 6pm for it, even if their mates are waiting outside for them to go back out. This is our regrouping time. It's when we can share stories, and I find out a bit more about how they're all getting along. Families need communication, and need to stay connected.

School trips can be a nightmare! My 10 y/o is on one to Duxford today, which cost £6 for the coach, plus I gave him £5 spends. My 8 y/o brought home a leaflet for football coaching after school, but I've had to say no. He has swimming lessons, which cost me £68 per term (sept.-Dec). The 2 older boys play football, so I have to pay £3 subs each per game they play.

Trips to the cinema are once in a blue moon. We have never all been away on holiday together, even in this country.

There are pros and cons for smaller & larger families. It depends upon how selfless YOU are. The children learn to fit in regardless, but you cannot suddenly resent not having overseas holidays, or a brand new car 15 years down the line. I accepted that if I chose to have children, and was going to be a SAHM then there would be necessary sacrifices to be made along the way, and that it could be for the long haul.

Going back to work has not been possible for me due to childcare being just too much to afford when they're young. It is only now my eldest is 16 that I rely upon him to help me out. I have a BF now, but we do not live together, because taking on 4 children is quite a big thing to do for anyone (male or female). The costs involved in us all living together put financial pressure on him to provide, whereas I feel it is my responsibility to do that, but we do spend a lot of time together as a 'family' unit. He is a father figure to my boys, and cares about them.

There are certain amounts of hand me downs, and if the children are raised where this is the norm, then it isn't a problem. I only pass on the better quality items anyway, the rest goes to charity. They all still get bought their own bits of clothes anyway, but I tend to tie these in with Christmas/birthday gifts. Uniform is easily passed on to same sex siblings. I wouldn't buy £100 pair of jeans for me, so they won't get them either. I get them their brand name items off ebay or TKMaxx, and keep a keen eye out for the sales.

What bigger families do have the chance to teach children is that they can't always have what they want, learn to live on a budget, they value the items they get given, they are taught to look after what they get, they all have a role to play in our family to help me and each other out. The younger 2 have their own chores, make their own pack-ups for school, etc. The older 2 now have p/t jobs to earn their own bit of pocket money. There is always a listening ear for everyone in a larger family, and my children love other children. You get unphased if there's an unexpected dinner guest, as you're used to feeding more, and a friend and I took both our families of 4 children, plus extas out for a trip on the last day of the summer hols. We looked like we were on a school trip, but the kids had so much fun!

I always wanted 4 children, if I was in a position to have them. I do not regret having them at all, but I do know that it has compromised my own chances of earning capabilities, and have lost career opportunities, but that is also in part due to the fact that my marriage failed, and I am unsupported. None of us know how life will turn out, so it's also worth bearing in mind how would you cope if you were left alone with 4 children to bring up?

p.s. note the bottom line of my signature!:rotfl:

galvanizersbaby

skylight wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl:

I had to laugh at this! When you only have 2 kids though, it doesn't feel like an easy life! I think that you only really respect this when you have more.

Yes I had a chortle at that too
I have 2 children and I think I may have an easier life then my friend who only has one so it could be down to circumstances too?!

You could go as far as to say if you want an easy life don't have any children!

mishmash

HI

I have 4 (another 2 including step children, they don't live with us but stay regularly). I have 3 teenagers and a little one.

Yes I needed a bigger car, but I got an older one. It is like feeding a small army but you need to be organised plan meals and always be on the lookout for a bargain at the reduced counter of the supermarket. My kids do share a bedroom but we are hoping to move to a bigger house, not just more bedrooms but to have a seperate sitting room.

We do go abroad once a year, I spend hours searching the cheapest flights and hotel. We normally go all inclusive as it is actually cheaper with so many kids (and it gives me a break lol).

Yes my teens like desiegner clothes Ipods and mobile phones, so they get an allowance and have saturday jobs, other than that it is birthdays and christmas presents.

School trips have been a big financial drain. Our income is about £50k per year. We manage, is it not easy but I would not change it for the world.

Mish

maryjane01

In addition to my previous post, from the perspective of a child in a large family, looking at it from the parents point of view, I do think it was tough for my mum, she didn't cope very well, but she has other mental health issues. My dad just seemed to get on with it really. If you want a big family your own individual personality will partly dictate how easy you find it as a parent. The kids will get on and accept the situation and have to learn to share, which isn't a bad thing.

piglet74

i just have the one child, and i dont have any more £££ than my pal who has 4!!

sarymclary

mishmash wrote: »

HI

Our income is about £50k per year. We manage, is it not easy but I would not change it for the world.

Mish

My income is £15k a year with 4 - now that really isn't easy!:rotfl: