My mate

paybacktime2008

Two weeks ago my friends were relying on food parcels to feed their 3 kids. They had no access to any cash or credit due to non payment on their cards and being over overdraft limit. They have been in trouble for years, mortgage arrears, utility bills, council tax etc etc.

My friend asked to borrow £20 to get petrol. I had a tenner so went round her house to help her out. When I got there the beautician was just leaving having just waxed her eyebrows. I was livid. I told her I wasn't lending her any money and she should get a reality check.

Today we have ' made up' but visiting her today she is in new clothes, kids all had fancy halloween baskets etc etc.

I have told her bluntly she has to stop spending, but she doesn't want to listen.

Anyone know what I should do? I'm half tempted to let this thread roll for a bit then show her.

kevin_M

paybacktime i know what you meen. here are u and me and well 1/2 the people on the forum working hard to clear the debts. And i bet everyone here atlest knows 1 person in the same situration as your friend. For me its my sister in law i have tryed to help so much but now i decided not to give her any more money hopefully that might aid her to sorting herself out.
She got a 40inch lcd from brighthouse she did not need a nintendo wii etc.

I know its hard but sometimes you just got to w8 untill they have there own lightbulb moment.

I would say atlest show her this forum it might open her eyes a little.

Goodluck.

scaredy_cat

she needs a wake up call. If i were you i'd not help her out, but if the kids were going hungry, then i'd make a casserole or something so they are at least fed.

I haven't had my hair cut for over a year - and then it was at my local college for £4!

skintandscared_2

Unfortunately they won't stop until they hit rock-bottom. Just a shame there are kids involved - which is probably why people feel they should help out. The only way it will stop is if people STOP helping out and leave them to it. Reality will bite hard!!

We have a friend who earns a decent wage but never has any money by the weekend because they are in the pub every night after work. He asked my OH last Friday to borrow £20 so he could feed his kids this weekend (he has them every other weekend). This friend KNOWS we have just started a DMP and my OH hasn't worked in weeks!!! OH still lent him the £20 because it was for the kids. But guess who was in the pub Sunday lunchtime???!!!! I've told OH that next time he asks, we just haven't got it. I got through the whole weekend on £10 because of what he lent out. :mad:

paybacktime2008

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it sooo frustrating!

nicnacnoo

yeah i know what you mean, ive got a few friends like this, its horrible watching them spend how they do when they are all in more debt than me. I have told them about this site tho and do so everytime they bring up their lack of money.
It really is up to them to have their own lightbulb moment while we can only sit and watch and offer what ever advice we can even if it does fall on deaf ear

milliemonster

I think it's a great idea to make a casserole or somethin to feed the kids instead of offering money then you know your help is actually helping those who need it, and not just lining the parents pockets for luxuries they can't afford

In the meantime there really isn't anything else you can do until they hit rock bottom

ajaney

Yup, don't put pound notes into the hands of these people!

Take a box of food round, make a stew/casserole, ask them round for tea but don't give them hard cash.

Sharon87

Either that or slip the kids (depending on age) a pound or 2. Or give them a few little treats, rather than giving your friends the treat!

MissShoes

ajaney is so right- they don't value the money they already have or use it wisely! So don't give them anymore...I find people with children or pets are harder to say no to! So the idea of a food parcel or basic supplies is a great one. I have a friend like that who always calls to drop hints about money but I'll subtly ask her questions about what she's been up to and she will have...
1) hair her dyed every month
2) been out for big nights out at least twice a week
3) bought new clothes that week (even if it's only 1 thing and cheap- she can't afford it!)
4) will have bought lunch spending a lot every day (sometimes eating in bistros for lunch then a restaurant for dinner)
5) filled her car up several times to drive herself to mad nights out then drive back in the morning.

WWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT????????????????????

So frustrating! I'm here for her when she smells the coffee!

xx

skintandscared_2

Do you think anyone has ever actually said "why are you getting that hairdo/nail fix/new outfit when you don't have the money to feed your children"???

I have to say I was tempted to say to this friend why are you in the pub when you borrowed £20 off us 2 days ago to feed your children this weekend, but I just couldn't do it. I guess I don't want to rock the boat or embarrass my OH. It's his friend, after all. And he DOES always pay back, which is something.