Kids from well off families beats my lot hands down.

aliasojo

I wish I could thank you more than once nadnad.


I really agree with this...

.....not only does their confidence increase but they are also gaining really good life experiences. I think it really helps once you reach adulthood if you have a range of hobbies and activities. I think it gives kids the confidence to want to join in and participate and not to be afraid.

Oldernotwiser

But a range of hobbies doesn't have to mean expensive things. Football/stamp collecting, swimming/painting are just as much a range of hobbies as are scuba diving/photography. Personally I feel that children are more likely to develop self reliance from learning to entertain themselves rather than having their parents drop them off at a range of expensive "activities" each evening.

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But a range of hobbies doesn't have to mean expensive things. Football/stamp collecting, swimming/painting are just as much a range of hobbies as are scuba diving/photography. Personally I feel that children are more likely to develop self reliance from learning to entertain themselves rather than having their parents drop them off at a range of expensive "activities" each evening.

Range to me means a selection of all that is available. If you have a box of chocolates and you only select from the soft centres then you do have a selection but it's not from a broad spectrum, it's limited. You have no taste of the nutty ones so you may not be as knowledgeable as someone who has scoffed the lot. (The nutty ones being the more expensive activity, obviously.) Dodgy analogy but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say, lol.

I think as parents we all have things that we feel are important and some that are not so important. It's clear that some of us on this thread will never all feel the same about things but I would hope we can agree to disagree but to also respect each other's opinions? I'm sure we all have the same common goal in the end anyway...to raise our children to be all they can be. Even if we have slightly different views on the best way to attain this.

annie123

I was one of those kids who had parents with money, private education etc
I asked and got to do the following:
horse riding....never very good at it
swimming.......got from one end of pool to the other
stage/tap dancing classes....did really well and passed as a dancing teacher
ballet........c**p at it
ice skating.....didnt like it
gymnastics.....didn't like it
brownies........ok for what it was
plus many others.

What I really wanted to do was:
make cakes with my mum...not allowed to makes a mess,
painting...not allowed to makes a mess
read stories together...mum to busy
help in the gardening....not allowed to I will mess things up
you get the idea.

when my son was young, well you can guess what we did, my motto to him was 'a mucky child is a happy child' and he still says today what a great childhood he had.
Dis owned by my family he spent his early years in a council flat on an estate with me on benefits.
He has as he has got older tried bungy jumping, riding,etc and taught himself to play the guitar at 14. He is a far more rounded and confident person than I was as a youngster.
I felt unwanted and when I got pregnant discovered that was about right.

Your children OP are not missing out on anything they have a great mum who spends time with them and that is the best thing you can give your children;)

dad-of-4

not sure why the climbing was 25 quid a session, i presume you and dad are none climbers, so you needed an instructor, my son climbs, i dont, but i was shown how to belay so i can supervise him it brings the cost right down if your registered at the wall and sign the kids in with you as supervisor, weve had a lazy summer but genraly my son climbs as often as he wants, wich is usualy daily,

the girls do gymnastics, 3 times a week for the eldest, i dont find it to pricey atall, but we make whatever sacrifices nessasary to get them out and about and doing things, they're good at what they do, so we support them anyway we can both with the things they do now and things they want to be having a go at.

dad-of-4

just to add that as above kids want nothing more than to spend time with their mum's and dad's, we dont get into spending money on letting them entertain themselves so we can have a quiet life, we try and be involved as a family us much as is practicaly possable.

throwing money around spoiling the kids used to be a way of life for us, but it all stopped, thesedays they ask for very little realy, their much more content and happy being able to have the time and attention spent on them than money.

Lunar_Eclipse

aliasojo wrote: »

I think as parents we all have things that we feel are important and some that are not so important. It's clear that some of us on this thread will never all feel the same about things but I would hope we can agree to disagree but to also respect each other's opinions? I'm sure we all have the same common goal in the end anyway...to raise our children to be all they can be. Even if we have slightly different views on the best way to attain this.

Agree with your sentiment entirely. But I never got the feeling this was a two sided argument. It has many facets.

I agree rich kids potentially have more available to them. But they don't always get to do these things and can actually lose out MORE than they gain, due to decreased quality family time. Additionally, whilst it may well be impossible (don't fully agree with using this word) for some parents to afford more expensive hobbies and activities for their children, that for most of us it's simply about acting on what you believe to be important for your children. As Nike says, 'just do it'. Not meaning book activities and experiences that are unaffordable, but work out a plan to build on these experiences. I can't emphasize enough how anyone taking this approach would reap the benefits. (Think Xmas gifts as a good starting point - my childrens' Aunts, Uncles, Grannies etc would all happy put £10 plus towards activities for them as opposed to buying them more toys that they also do not need. In fact I'd save them shopping so they'd be delighted. This might be an option?)

And personally I think a monthly xxx lesson that is highly desired by the child and a real treat (financially and thus in reality) is of much more benefit to most children than continuous gym or ballet lessons for example that simply become part of the routine after a (short) while. Chop and change things termly is one strategy.

I suppose my over riding belief in this area is to do all that you can to be the parent you want to be. And seriously go for it. Do not accept that your children will/are missing out because you are not 'rich'. Just decide that they will not, if that is how you feel deep down.

SandC

I know what you are saying about well off kids being able to try (and more importantly continue) with different things.

It's not always the case that it's 'rich' kids though. I have heard criticism towards my bro and sis in law for only having one child through choice (my friends - you have to have two at least cos it's not fair having an only child), but their thinking was that they wanted him to get as many chances as he could - they really couldn't afford their holidays, his karate/martial arts, football, scouting trips etc. if they had more than one child. For many that really doesn't matter and it's love that counts. I really do see it both ways. As it is he still misses out in a way cos they don't have a garden - for many that's a priority.

So, yes, I guess rich kids have more opportunity to 'have it all', but essentially as others have pointed out, they will more than likely have that offset by not seeing much of one or both of their parents.

Looks like whichever way you look at it - we just cannot have it all.

annaangeluk_2

Ive not read all posts but I thought I'd put my two pennies in!

When I was a child my parent;s weren't well off but were ok. We lived in a small town that had lots of activities available, all within walking distance etc. My older sister was taken to dancing 3 or 4 times a week plus brownies once a week. I started both but didn't stick with it. I was never encouraged to stick with anything and this is something that has continued into adulthood. When i was 10 my disabled brother was born and from then on I was never taken to any activities or allowed to join clubs etc as I had to be at home after school to help with him.

I think this made a huge dent in my confidence which again carries on to this day. I'm painfully shy and find joining anything really difficult. I have almost no social life or life beyond work and looking after my daughter.

I'm trying to do more for her but like the lady who posted originally, it's hard to let them join things without endless money! I'm a single parent and although I wouldn't say I'm hard up there is certainly no extra money for different groups etc as some are really expensive. I now live in a city but in a "poorer" area so there is very little available locally, and without a car it's hard to get to some things.

I do think kids miss out a bit but like most people have said, the really invaluble things are the times spent with parent's. Activities come second to that. It sounds like OP does do lots with her kids so shouldn't feel too bad about them not being able to do lots of "extras." I think what I remember most clearly about my childhood is being the invisible child.

Anna x

aliasojo

dad-of-4 wrote: »

not sure why the climbing was 25 quid a session,

You're the second (or third? ) person to have queried this. Do you live in my area?