Lapland New Forest Scam. How to get money back...

GomerPyle

No need for that, I just got stuck in my characteristic restrained and diplomatic fashion. I should run the United Nations.

Just a case of monitoring things and looking out for developments.

Any sightings of participants to be reported here - no matter what disguise they may be in - elf or panda suit will not fool us.

EdnaCloud

GomerPyle wrote: »

No need for that, I just got stuck in my characteristic restrained and diplomatic fashion.

You are to restraint as Genhis Khan was to socialism. And we love you for it!

I should run the United Nations.

Hmmm ;-)

Any sightings of participants to be reported here - no matter what disguise they may be in - elf or panda suit will not fool us.

The only panda suit they should be in is a blue and white one, usually an Anglia with an upgraded 1200cc engine. Not that one sees many of those these days. :-(

EdnaCloud

codger wrote: »

Edna: congratulations on a hugely impressive new website. With just a little more time and investment, it will likely out-do the Lapland New Forest effort. I look forward to seeing the Terms & Conditions.

It will be ready for the grand opening as any Bognop event will be. The reindeer, Grabit, Nikit, Chancer and Dasher are on the case and will ensure that the site is fully functional shortly. In the meantime book up quick as it's nearly sold out! Rudolph will be here soon, but at the moment he is nursing a sore and swollen hooter from an unfortunate incident down south and it's glowing like a TocH lamp.

love to all,
Jenkin Bognopper II (no relation)
email [EMAIL="jenkin@bognopper.co.uk"]jenkin@bognopper.co.uk[/EMAIL] for info but no refunds.

codger

EdnaCloud wrote: »

Sorry to be pedantic but surely it should read 'substitute the word "event" *with* the word "Government", shouldn't it?

Best
Edna

No need for any apology. You were not being unnecessarily fastidious in your appreciation of language, rather you were, quite properly in my view, correcting an error which should never have arisen.

For that reason, I have to advise that the offer we mailed you today of a discount Family Season Ticket to Lapland New Forest / Lapland West Midlands 2009 -- at 15% off the advertised £2,500 price (because we do not pay VAT anyway) -- is withdrawn.

Here we are, trying to stimulate the local and national economy, create jobs for people as well as cats-with-antlers, and people like you come along and start nah-nah-di-nah-nah nit-picking over every single little word, or little single word, or non-tautalogically, word (singular) on our websites and in our advertising materials.

A healthy economy is all about wealth creation, but with people like you around there's not a snow-covered log cabin's chance in hell of doing that, so just bog off* to your blasted dictionary and don't bother sparing any thought at all for a Third World country like Belize whose benighted construction industry would've benefited greatly from the house I had intended to commission on the proceeds of this year's Lapland "Experiences".

I remain cordially yours, but don't bother wasting yer money on mailing me anything by Signed For, awright, 'cos I ain't going to even bovver to open it, yeah?

Jarvis Bognopper (Ms)

*and take that Gomer person wiv you, like we all know he's got hemiroyds hemorajes hemodroids wotever on his !!!!! which is wot he admits anyway and why he's a pain in my !!!!! as well, also 'oo is this Martin Fartin bloke anyway, I once had David Frozt in the back of my cab --

Turn to pages 4, 6, 8, 22, 23, 24, 27

codger

trisontana wrote: »

Funny you should say that. From this week's Private Eye:-

"The controversial 'Brit-Land', which received thousands of complaints from disappointed visitors who describe it variously as 'being shabby', 'an overpriced rip-off and 'nothing like it looked in the brochures', is being closed down......"

Priceless. :rotfl:

EdnaCloud

codger wrote: »

No need for any apology.

Well, then I take the apology back with immediate effect

For that reason, I have to advise that the offer we mailed you today of a discount Family Season Ticket to Lapland New Forest / Lapland West Midlands 2009 -- at 15% off the advertised £2,500 price (because we do not pay VAT anyway) -- is withdrawn.

Well if that's the way you feel, to quote Johnny Paycheck (with apologies), you can take your log and shove it, I ain't visitin' there no more.

Here we are, trying to stimulate the local and national economy, create jobs for people as well as cats-with-antlers,

Oh blah blah blah whinging just because you only made a million. Furthermore, the cats haven't been paid, they weren't to know you had feline exclusion claws. Nor did the Elves know they would be on short time. The huskies got a ruff (sic) deal, and the polar bear was left out in the cold when it came to reimbursement. The remuneration for those employed at your shabby event was as thin as the fake snow on the ground, and similarly, in some cases, non-existent.

and people like you come along and start nah-nah-di-nah-nah nit-picking over every single little word, or little single word, or non-tautalogically, word (singular) on our websites and in our advertising materials.

I admit there is only one issue with the advertising material as presented. That being the advertising material as presented. I am so sorry that you feel that my exposure of the entire public facade to be nothing more than a front for a scam that cannot even be described as elaborate has upset you and apologise for any upset it may cause you whilst you extricate yourself from the tangled web of deceit and the net of official bodies that must now be closing around you.

A healthy economy is all about wealth creation, but with people like you around there's not a snow-covered log cabin's chance in hell of doing that, so just bog off* to your blasted dictionary and don't bother sparing any thought at all for a Third World country like Belize whose benighted construction industry would've benefited greatly from the house I had intended to commission on the proceeds of this year's Lapland "Experiences".

I am sorry you feel this way and believe me, if I had a large sum of money I would gladly make a donation if I, or any other party, have deprived you of income. I will request donations to support you in this, your time of need, and if you prefer to remain anonymous, let us know your address we will come round and leave it up your back passage.

As for the building industry in Belize, I am somewhat bemused. There does not appear to be any more difficulty in the building industry as there is with any other industry in that country, with the exception perhaps, of mining. Should you travel
to Belize it may be providential to get involved in this industry and learn some skills as they will possibly be of use after extradition and subsequent imprisonment.

Yours,
Jarvis Bognopper (real)
jarvis@bognopper.co.uk

EdnaCloud

GomerPyle wrote: »

**snip**
Multi million pound ventures appearing out of thin air four months ago, headed by a man with 'previous' and carried out with the competence of Fred Karno gives rise for concern as to the rigor (mortis ?) of the oversight. Multi million pound business ventures don't start with a 'How do you do - sign this form' and 'Here's your cheque book'.

Why did people trust this event ? - because it was allowed to wear the garb of a respectable enterprise, is the simple answer.

How did that happen ?

Err, is it Fred Karno Army vs Fred Karno Army? Otherwise known as the two hands of incompetence, neither knows what the other is doing and both are useless except for the odd custard pie.

Keep up the good work Gomer, I'll try to alleviate stress with some light banter as my internet research seems to be concluded.

Best edna

GomerPyle

The plans for next year will either consist of using Lapland - they have Christmas trees already, so the overheads will be minimal and I hear they have Northern lights so one of the elves can get up on a ladder one night and nick 'em for our Fairy Grotto, They don't speak English so the website will probably make sense there

OR

we can rent out a bit of one of those safari parks and then feed the poxy punters in one end and they'll never get out alive to start whingeing and complaining.

If this debacle had been limited to one or two hundred customers they might have managed to scarper off somewhere and avoided any comeback, but some genius must have decided to learn their multiplication tables (a skill they claimed not to possess in one of their earlier prosecutions) and thought that turning it into a national event would make more money.

It did - it also attracted the attention of every national newspaper, national TV, international media and every law enforcement agency this side of the Iron Curtain.

'Hollywood Special FX' ? - I hear that Steven Spielberg is considering a movie blockbuster called 'The Great Gnome Robbery' starring Phil Collins, reprising his earlier role.

Now that, I might pay to see.

On a serious note. Streamline will, I imagine, be holding the funds to meet the claims from customers who are able to under credit card arrangements. What none of us want to see, is any surplus paid to the company who staged this fiasco. There will still be a lot of people out of pocket, including contractors and even possibly H M Revenue and Customs.

It has been immortalised here

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/UnNews:Recession_forces_Santa_to_relocate

EdnaCloud

GomerPyle wrote: »

Iron Curtain.

Wasn't that drawn a while back?

What none of us want to see, is any surplus paid to the company who staged

I don't think this is likely, but worryingly there may be a snag here.

There will still be a lot of people out of pocket, including contractors and even possibly H M Revenue and Customs.

As I understand it in the case of company liquidation or bankruptcy HM R&C are preferred or priority creditors so get their cut first, then employees (probably none except the directors who may scam that for a bit of the liquidation cake) followed by suppliers and customers who are usually 'unsecured' creditors' There are exceptions- secured creditors who have a security interest in the company etc but unlikely that these circumstances apply here.

Please note this is merely my understanding and in no way intended to be taken as advice of any sort and further advice would be welcome.

Edna
night night

GomerPyle

http://www.thesignsite.co.uk/showthread.php?p=47691

QUOTE
They took 3 million in pre bookings,
I now the person who was supposed to do father christmas photos, but when mears asked for 10k up front he pulled out, but with four hour queues maybe he made the wrong decision.
how much was he charging for the burger van pitches?
UNQUOTE

http://www.atheistnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?t=25680

QUOTE
One security guard, who obligingly told visitors at the gate they were about to be 'ripped off', quit after being hit on the head by one who didn't appreciate the advice.
UNQUOTE