My sorry looking SOA

**kym**

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

I haven't condemned the OP for her debt.

The nearest I got was when I have asked if there was anything material that the OP had bought with the 22k that could now be sold on ebay. £22k is a lot of money, especially given the OP does not have children to support and has subsidised accomodation - it's not inconceivable therefore that some of the debt was spent on material goods and that therefore some of the debt could be repaid by selling these goods.

This is borne out to a certain extent by the fact that the OP will not countenance bankruptcy because she is concerned about losing some of her material possessions.

As I said in that other post, people get into debt for all sorts of reasons, many due to reasons out of their control. This may well have been the case with the OP. I haven't offered any criticism on the debt she has built up, but I am critical of the way she is going about clearing it.

The past is the past, but the future is in her control. She can grasp the mettle, take the pain of living in a smaller place, having an older car and less prestigious TV and sort out her finances in a way that is appropriate to the scale of the debt. Or not. The choice is hers, but at least I have provided direct advice that I know will solve her problems.

Previously it seemed you were telling OP off - perhaps this was more to do with the way you said what you did rather than what you actually said. This post is fair enough.

The OP must make some big changes to clear her debts. Many of the things you have suggested will be a good start. Smaller lifestyle changes will help as well. I believe the OP has made the choice to deal with her debts. And making that choice and making a start is the first step.

Butterfly, I wish you all the best in this challenge which will change your life - get committed, its worth it. x

butterfly_01

Dithering Dad - You are indeed correct that overindulging children can cause more harm than good, however you know nothing about my situation and had you read my posts fully you would have seen that my OH is only in debt due to a failed buisness, I am in debt partly for the same reason, also alot was uni fees etc but also a lot was just stupidity. Also I do not have subsidised rent, we rent the house from my OH's dad and I got him to agree a lower amount after explaining the situation we were in.

Kym - I live in a town that has more bad parts than good, so I really do not want to move and I love my house (even though it is just rented), I have nothing (or very little) to show for the £22k and we have just last night talked about selling the car for something smaller and getting 2nd jobs.

**kym**

Hi butterfly - selling the car is a good idea and shows you are committed to really doing something to solve your problems. For the smaller car, consider a low engine size to save on fuel, insurance and tax (this can be tough with men), but get it checked first to ensure the savings arent going to translate into garage bills later in the year!

Getting second jobs is an excellent idea - I did this for a year and studied on the side too - beware it is EXHAUSTING and often you just want to crawl up into your bed and never get up again (this may be because my second job was very physical - childcare in holiday clubs with lots of hyperactive kids and babysitting in hotel rooms - i did every evening 7pm to midnight and all weekend 8.45 am to 11pm in addition to my normal 9 - 6 job). However, you're earning more money and never get a spare minute to spend any! Amazing what a difference not having the time to pop to get things can be!

Doing those two things will be a big step for you and a great help. Also consider the following:

If you don't want to move - and your rent isn't that massive tbh (you couldnt get anything for that in Newquay - you'd be pushed to even get a flat), you could do things to cut back on your household expenditure in other ways - i.e. can you save on your utility bills in any way?

Also you may be surprised what you do have to sell, for example, do you have any uni textbooks you can sell on amazon - this is a really good time to list books with the freshers just gone in - I've made about £120 over the last 2 weeks by selling 12 books on amazon. Also do you have old mobile phones (envirofone, cashinmyfone through quidco first), clothes you don't wear, etc. It may seem like scraping cash together but it all adds up....

And could you apply for a new job or ask for a promotion in your current one to increase your salary - its always an idea to keep a look out anyway...

As well as trying to increase whats coming in, see how you can cut back too - for example, you and OH could go without christmas and birthday presents until you're back on track? And you could ask for money on special occasions from those you would normally receive presents from and put this straight against your debts.

Just some ideas. Well done for being brave enough to get started on your debt-free journey :T

Dithering_Dad

**kym** wrote: »

Previously it seemed you were telling OP off - perhaps this was more to do with the way you said what you did rather than what you actually said. This post is fair enough.

I didn't actually 'say' anything. I wrote text into a textual based forum and you read it, applying whatever emotion your were feeling at the time to it.

This is the problem with forums, unless your posts are swimming in smilies then people misunderstand the meaning. The annoying thing is that the person who misunderstands then announces his/her perceptions to the forum as a whole and in people's minds the misconception is turned into fact and suddenly an innocuous bit of advice turns you into the anti-christ.

For example, I state that "I think the OP should go bankrupt because the level of debt she has is so large in comparison with her income that she cannot possibly repay this".

You read "The OP has been a silly girl to have built up all this debt, probably on handbags and shoes, she should be put into the village stocks and have rotten cabage thrown at her"

When I actually did mean:"I think the OP should go bankrupt because the level of debt she has is so large in comparison with her income that she cannot possibly repay this".

There is a subtle difference between the two texts. The first is the real text, the second is your percieved text.

I'm glad we sorted that out. I accept your apology that I'm sure will be forcoming once you read this post.

**kym**

Sorry butterfly, just remembered you already just got a payrise! Perhaps overtime then?

**kym**

Yes dithering dad, I am very sorry.

Dithering_Dad

**kym** wrote: »

Yes dithering dad, I am very sorry.

Good girl. We all make mistakes in life. It takes a big man/woman to admit they were wrong.

I forgive you.