My sorry looking SOA

Dithering_Dad

Ossireo wrote: »

As much as DD is strongly opinionated in his posts he does have some points.

Only some points?

I'm not sure what 'strongly opinionated' really means, I hope it's not an insult. If it means that I 'speak as I find' or 'shoot from the hip' or I don't 'mince my words', then I guess I am opinionated.

I just feel that reality needs to be faced. The OP has a net worth of minus £22,000.00 which is almost 1.5x her annual income. She's currently running a monthly deficit of £104.00 and that's with her OH's Dad subsidising their rent to the tune of £100.00pm.

By cutting back and getting her OH to shoulder some more of the responsibility, she may release some capital, though if the OH's Dad withdraws his subsidy then most of the savings will be wiped out. To be honest it seems a little unfair on Dad to have to subsidise the (almost) 27 year old OP and boyfriend's lifestyle to the tune of a new car and TV.

Sorry if my realism goes against the grain of DFW hand-patting and 'tea and sympathy' but I just don't feel that jollying people along with talk of £5/day challenges and grocery challenges will do anything other than lull the OP into a false sense of security. It certainly won;t put a dent in such a huge debt.

No doubt I'll have a raft of PMs from some hand-wringers telling me how cruel I am, but sometimes the truth hurts, and in this case the truth is that the OP simply cannot afford to repay this debt unless major lifestyle changes are undertaken.

The first thing I would do is rent a cheaper house (Studio apartment?) for much less money per month (and let poor old Dad rent out his place at full market value - I'm assuming this is a BTL intended for his retirement?), sell the car and buy a cheap run-about (if cheaper than public transport), sell whatever else was bought with the £22k debt and both of them get second jobs.

--- PM mechanism on standby, steel helmet placed on head ---

Ossireo

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

Only some points?

I'm not sure what 'strongly opinionated' really means, I hope it's not an insult.

Certainly not intended as an insulted btw

pepe2008

Butterfly 01,

Sounds like you are beginnng to get things turned around. Talking to the boyf ( or him talking to you? ) and getting on the phone to cccs are the most anybody can expect of you at the moment...every journey starts with a single step.

Others have given copious amounts of advice and some strong opinions, but never, ever act on any of it without first of all checking with the 'professionals' i.e CAB, CCCS, Natinal debtline etc.

Some of us have been through the process of facing our debts responsibly and fairly, others have not. Take it all as support, in most cases, and if it doesnt sound like support...then ignore it, if they are making a correct point then you will come across this when you discuss it with CCCS.

Keep on it, be fair too yourself....and get that dmp sorted asap.

Pepe

**kym**

"in this case the truth is that the OP simply cannot afford to repay this debt unless major lifestyle changes are undertaken"

I agree entirely and I think you'll find that eveyone has recommended the same and most (me included) would also recommend as follows in line with your comments:

• rent a cheaper house for much less money per month
• sell the car and buy a cheap run-about
• sell whatever else was bought with the £22k debt
• both of them get second jobs

But the smaller things can help as well and it is everything together that will add up to the big debt-free goal.

Chastising in the guise of realism will not help the OP dithering dad.

Dithering_Dad

**kym** wrote: »

Chastising in the guise of realism will not help the OP dithering dad.

I disagree, I think overindulgence by parents causes a lot of debt problems in their children. Many don't know the value of money and don't understand that buying something you've worked hard for is much more satisfying than buying something on credit.

Perhaps if the OP's & BF's parents had done some 'chastising' when they were younger then perhaps they wouldn't be in this mess. Certainly I think it's a mistake to extend financial 'life-support' to adult children because it damages their ability to succeed and to stand on their own feet.

At age 26/27 I'd like to hope that my own kids are a lot more advanced into an independant adulthood than to still be expecting handouts from their old man.

**kym**

I completely agree - overindulgence by parents CAN cause debt problems in their children, but you do not KNOW for certain that this is what has generated the OPs debt. You really don't know the full story and all the circumstances that have lead to this situation.

I haven't explained how I got into money worries at a young age, but I would certainly hope that people would not assume from this that I was over-indulged as a child - something that is very very far from the truth of the situation.

To quote you from another board on Saturday "Some people are so quick to condemn others for their financial troubles without taking the time to find out the causes. Yes some people are probably a bit daft with money, but does it help anyone to kick them when they're down? Others might be much more financially astute than all of the posters who condemn them, but they just had a bit of bad luck or circumstances occurred out of their control."

Ossireo

Have to remember for a lot of people its the opposite to over indulgence as a child .. all of a sudden you have credit available to you, thrown at you because you are working etc and not having much growing up it all it can be all too tempting and all seems so affordable at the time :rolleyes:

moanymoany

It is not easy to accept that you have to make some hard decisions. It may take some time to do it. Be careful how long it takes, your creditors may make the first move.

Dithering_Dad

**kym** wrote: »

I completely agree - overindulgence by parents CAN cause debt problems in their children, but you do not KNOW for certain that this is what has generated the OPs debt. You really don't know the full story and all the circumstances that have lead to this situation.

I haven't explained how I got into money worries at a young age, but I would certainly hope that people would not assume from this that I was over-indulged as a child - something that is very very far from the truth of the situation.

To quote you from another board on Saturday "Some people are so quick to condemn others for their financial troubles without taking the time to find out the causes. Yes some people are probably a bit daft with money, but does it help anyone to kick them when they're down? Others might be much more financially astute than all of the posters who condemn them, but they just had a bit of bad luck or circumstances occurred out of their control."

I haven't condemned the OP for her debt.

The nearest I got was when I have asked if there was anything material that the OP had bought with the 22k that could now be sold on ebay. £22k is a lot of money, especially given the OP does not have children to support and has subsidised accomodation - it's not inconceivable therefore that some of the debt was spent on material goods and that therefore some of the debt could be repaid by selling these goods.

This is borne out to a certain extent by the fact that the OP will not countenance bankruptcy because she is concerned about losing some of her material possessions.

As I said in that other post, people get into debt for all sorts of reasons, many due to reasons out of their control. This may well have been the case with the OP. I haven't offered any criticism on the debt she has built up, but I am critical of the way she is going about clearing it.

The past is the past, but the future is in her control. She can grasp the mettle, take the pain of living in a smaller place, having an older car and less prestigious TV and sort out her finances in a way that is appropriate to the scale of the debt. Or not. The choice is hers, but at least I have provided direct advice that I know will solve her problems.

TotallyBroke

You say you can't take in a lodger. How about something slightly different.

A local church to me used to bring over foreign students. They would visit the local school for a couple of lessons and visit London all to practice their English. I would have a couple stay with me. All I had to do was provide breakfast, dinner and a packed lunch. Hardly broke the bank but the £200 per week certainly came in handy. It wasn't regular maybe 3 times a year but helped.
Could you advertise at the local school for something similar. Or maybe put up a supply teacher or nurse/doctor at local hospital. It's not permanent so they are not a lodger it would be like having a friend stay for a week and OH Dad will never need to know.